alone in this horror

called life

trapped and afraid

running from myself

when does this end

when does the pain subside

———————————————-

I deserve agony. I deserve pain.

I counted pills today, ninety-two or maybe ninety-four. Not that I’ll take them. Just was curious. Cried this morning. Mom was in my dream. She said I needed to learn how to do things on my own. I asked her why but somehow I knew she wouldn’t be there for long

and the dream ended. And I woke up and I cried and asked god why he hated me so much. Why he was never there for me. And I continued to cry.

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