Capn_Fever, I’ll publically declaim my love for you. I’ll pirate broadcast stations across the country, and eventually around the world, and decry that Capn_Fever is sexy, intelligent, wonderful, sweet, kind, well-groomed, smells nice, has interesting pubic hair patterns, and is just generally a good guy.

In addition, I’ll take over the world for you. I’ll overthrow major governments and lay them at your feet. I’ll enslave thousands of perfect ten virgins and command them all to offer up their maiden(man?)hoods to you. I’ll command scientists to develop drugs to help communicate how awesome you are to the general populace, then dump it in major water supplies the world over. I’ll build a tropical paradise in the wastes of Antarctica with science, and you can live there with everyone you have ever loved forever.

It’s because I love you, Capn_Fever. I love the way you tell me to shut up and troll me all day. I love how your supple, firm, yet gentle musculature ripples under oil and a hot sun. I love your smile, your pbumion for life, your accent. You have the best taste in books. You are very well read, but you don’t make me feel stupid. It’s a good day to be you.