The permanence of cutting/burning doesn’t appeal to me… so I choose other ways.

I bruise myself, I exercise for hours… in a way my anorexia is a permanent state of self-torture and mutilation. I don’t have my period, my hair falls out, I have virtually cut myself off from all my friends and loved ones; I hate myself and I would like to shrink myself until I am invisible.

Yes I am diagnosed with body dismorphia – no I don’t know what I look like regardless of how “thin” people see me – but that is not the main driving force for me. It is just a manifestation of my self hatred because I will never be good enough. I have struggled long enough with this to realize that much – yet I can’t stop.