BirdofPrey Posted:

lol “no u” lolol

I distinctly remember the first time I saw my father’s male reproductive organ. I was nine, the male reproductive organ would have been about fifty. We were standing at one of the urinals in Maple Leaf Gardens, peeing. The urinals at MLG back then were not the sleek individual white porcelain numbers you see in today’s modern stadiums and arenas, but more of a gray metallic community trough. During intermission all the men and boys would jostle and elbow for peeing space like suckling piglets clamoring for the mama’s teat.

Standing so close I couldn’t help but get a gander at his goose. It was so big I couldn’t believe he wasn’t embarrbumed about it. I had an uncle, Ugly Dave, who was constantly chastised about a goiter the size of a small planet — no, that’s a gross exaggeration, let’s say the size of… Pluto — growing out of the side of his neck. Surely my father’s freakish appendage could be no less disconcerting. I thought about saying something as we washed our hands, but I didn’t.