Death Merchant: Yes you are. Everyone on the Internet is a girl. Pay attention!

was: You need my new self-help book “Overcoming Your Fear of Being Humiliated on an Internet Game” It’s helped many people like yourselves, who were no longer afraid to say “HEY WORLD, THESE ARE MY ALTS AND I’M PROUD. It can be yours for the low, low price of 10 easy payments of $99.95. Don’t worry, though. I’m sure no one will ever figure out that those guys are actually you. You definitely hide it well.

To all the rest of you who replied but are not important enough to mention by name: Please just take my advice into consideration. I’m not asking for a miracle, or a cease-fire, but it’s Christmas damnit (maybe that Jewish holiday too, but nobody gives a **** about that) and we should all come together for the spirit of the Holiday. Do it for the memory of the poor Angel, who gave her life to save George Bush from Michael Jackson and Muslims, because when it comes right down to it… isn’t that what Easter is all about?