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News Flying Monkey Psychic Detective Agency open for business!

MONKATRICE

Avatar: MONKATRICE's Avatar

Level 10 Re-Re

*loud recording on an answering machine*

*BEEP*

Any of you meatbags having troubles with Vampires?

Would you like to know if your horoscope reading was accurate?

Maybe you’d like to know where Grandma kept her secret stash of expensive jewelry before she croaked?

Sick and tired of being raped by that Succubus in your sleep?

Want to know what the future holds for you and your gay lover?

Maybe you just lost your stupid Fur suit and desperately need to find it before the next Furrie convention?

Well, the Flying Monkey Psychic Detective Agency is open for business and we’re licensed!

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For a fee, I can tell you your future, contact your loved one’s who are beyond the grave, or get rid of that pesky poltergiest in your basement!

Just leave a message meatbags. Maybe I’ll even answer.

—————————————————————————————————————-

*recorded message of a lawyer speaking rapidly and informing you that*

“The Flying Monkey Psychic Detective Agency is not held liable for any deaths and or injuries which may occur while follwing the advice of Flying Monkey Psychic Detective Agency. The Flying Monkey Psychic Detective Agency is not responsible for any damage to property or pets, which may occur while hunting down supernatural entities. Other terms and conditions may apply.”

—————————————————————————————————————-

*Annoying female voice* “After the tone, leave your message, you may leave your callback number by pressing five now.”

*BEEP*


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MONKATRICE

Avatar: MONKATRICE's Avatar

Level 10 Re-Re

*New message*

*BEEP*

Any of you fools think you know something about the supernatural, or just like to play around with the occult, and think you can STAY THE **** OUT OF MY WAY, I may have openings for new members of the Flying Monkey Psychic Detective Agency.

Previous experience hunting down supernatural entities and killing them, is a bonus


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Huerta

Avatar: 49027 2009-10-13 02:58:51 -0400
12

Level 34 Camwhore

Arktor Forever!

This sure sound like a ****ty Constantine remake.


I'M A SIG-DISABLING COCKMONGLER

I was playing around with the Ouija board in my old country mansion and now I keep finding bum plugs under my pillow at night. Can you help?


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Nana Nazi

Avatar: Nana Nazi's Avatar

Level 7 Re-Re

Silly people and their fetishes.

Nana Nazi edited this message on 07/02/2008 2:09AM

MONKATRICE

Avatar: MONKATRICE's Avatar

Level 10 Re-Re

1337xxxlolololxxx1337 Posted:

I was playing around with the Ouija board in my old country mansion and now I keep finding bum plugs under my pillow at night. Can you help?

Yes and no. I can tell you how those bumplugs keep winding up under your pillow but it has nothing to do with a supernatural connection between the bum plugs and the Oija board!

My advice to you is to visit a sleep clinic and also to get laid. Then you will stop shoving bum plugs up your bum, then under your pillow while you sleep.


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twas

Avatar: 40896 2011-11-01 00:47:59 -0400
15

[fine upstanding member of society]

Level 35 Troll

Wher Have My Poor Imaginary Wife and Child Gone

Nana Nazi Posted:

Silly people and their fetishes.

You really should be more careful.


I'M A SIG-DISABLING COCKMONGLER

MONKATRICE

Avatar: MONKATRICE's Avatar

Level 10 Re-Re

was Posted:

You really should be more careful.


So should you meatbag! I just did a reading for you, and it seems that your future doesn’t look too promising. I’d avoid visiting that bath house in San Francisco on your next vacation if I were you! Hint:He has AIDS.

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twas

Avatar: 40896 2011-11-01 00:47:59 -0400
15

[fine upstanding member of society]

Level 35 Troll

Wher Have My Poor Imaginary Wife and Child Gone

AIDS make the male reproductive organs taste better.


I'M A SIG-DISABLING COCKMONGLER

MONKATRICE

Avatar: MONKATRICE's Avatar

Level 10 Re-Re

Seems I may have to add killer robots to my list

Humans, wake up before it is too late! I see two possible futures for humanity and one looks bleak, very bleak indeed.


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Janie

Avatar: Janie's Avatar

[SRSLY]

Level 25 Emo Kid

I... HAERT TEH FIREFOX TOO!

Monkatrice, can you, um, find something for me? I think you said once you could find lost things.

I lost something important. Oh, god, if anyone finds it I’ll die. Can you find it?


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MONKATRICE

Avatar: MONKATRICE's Avatar

Level 10 Re-Re

Janie Posted:

Monkatrice, can you, um, find something for me? I think you said once you could find lost things.

I lost something important. Oh, god, if anyone finds it I’ll die. Can you find it?

Depends what it is and how much you are willing to pay me to find it human


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Janie

Avatar: Janie's Avatar

[SRSLY]

Level 25 Emo Kid

I... HAERT TEH FIREFOX TOO!

Well, money’s not a problem. I can get whatever I need from my dad. What it is…it’s kinda private.


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MONKATRICE

Avatar: MONKATRICE's Avatar

Level 10 Re-Re

It usually is or you wouldn’t come to me.

Very well then meatbag I shall find this thing you seek, I will send you the bill after it is found, but I will need your cooperation for me to find that which you want found, but are too damn embarrased to just TELL me what the HELL it is, and SAVE ME A WHOLE LOT OF TROUBLE….

Sorry, AHEM I will need your cooperation to find it since you are unwilling to tell me.

MONKATRICE edited this message on 07/13/2008 9:58PM

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Janie

Avatar: Janie's Avatar

[SRSLY]

Level 25 Emo Kid

I... HAERT TEH FIREFOX TOO!

Well, I have this journal. It’s got my most private thoughts in it. And drawings, and poems, and clippings of things. And some…stories I’ve written. It’s just…very private. I haven’t been able to find it since just after I came back from Biff’s house a few weeks ago. I think someone took it while I was gone. I know it wasn’t Biff, because he was with me, but I don’t know who else it might have been.

I’ve already questioned my little brother by holding a knife to his throat, so I know it’s not him. He’s terrified of me. I really want it back.

Can you find it? It’s black, with a pink border on the binding, and some skull stickers on the front.

But if you find it, I have to have your word YOU WON’T READ IT!


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MONKATRICE

Avatar: MONKATRICE's Avatar

Level 10 Re-Re

Why in hell would I want to read the drivel of a little girl, talking about her secret crushes and that sort of thing?

Of course I won’t read your stupid journal meatbag!

Besides, business has been ****ty and you are the first person to come here in a while so I will be on my best behavior

By the way, do I really have a problem with “people skills”? I keep getting told that by my potential clients…


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Janie

Avatar: Janie's Avatar

[SRSLY]

Level 25 Emo Kid

I... HAERT TEH FIREFOX TOO!

I dunno. I mean, you seem ok, but I’m not a good judge of people skills. As long as you don’t look in my journal. How are you going to find it?

Also, have you made contact with your father at all?


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MONKATRICE

Avatar: MONKATRICE's Avatar

Level 10 Re-Re

Janie Posted:

I dunno. I mean, you seem ok, but I’m not a good judge of people skills. As long as you don’t look in my journal. How are you going to find it?

Also, have you made contact with your father at all?

I HAVE NO FATHER!

Now, what Ineed you to do, aside from stop mentioning that flea ridden idiot again is to place your hands on this crytal ball.

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Now, concentrate on the image of this journal and I will use my HELLBORN POWE…my abilities, to quide your efforts so that we may see the location of this stupid book of yours.


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Janie

Avatar: Janie's Avatar

[SRSLY]

Level 25 Emo Kid

I... HAERT TEH FIREFOX TOO!

OK, but you do have a father. And I’ll bet you have a lot more in common with him than you think. I’ll bet you even have fleas.

OK, hands on the ball. This is a nice one. I have one, but it’s kinda cheesy. How does a…creature like you even get his hands on something like this? I mean, do you walk in the store and ask for one? Do they look at you funny?


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MONKATRICE

Avatar: MONKATRICE's Avatar

Level 10 Re-Re

Janie Posted:

OK, but you do have a father. And I’ll bet you have a lot more in common with him than you think. I’ll bet you even have fleas.

OK, hands on the ball. This is a nice one. I have one, but it’s kinda cheesy. How does a…creature like you even get his hands on something like this? I mean, do you walk in the store and ask for one? Do they look at you funny?

ARE WE GOING TO PLAY TWENTY ONE QUESTIONS OR FIND YOUR DAMNABLE BOOK?!?

Sorry…best behavior, right then.

My blood flows with the very fires of Hades itself! Not something fleas are particularily fond of eating, so NO, I DON’T HAVE FLEAS!

And…well I stole this ball from a shop, I walked in and tried to purchase the damned thing but everyone including the owner ran out. So I just took it.

I’ve been looking to hire a human bumistant who can….NEVERMIND NOW, just concentrate on the damned ball will you?

Has anyone ever told you that you are an extrememly annoying little girl?


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