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Sex The Revenge of Zen

Echuu

Avatar: 6433 Tue Jul 21 22:01:07 -0400 2009
10

[Backdoor Amigos]

Level 20 Troll

You made Vader snobby.

From something awful forums.

Digg it!

Inspired to post by the Sweet, sweet revenge thread, but I thought it might deserve its own.

In 2002, I took a contract job that had a multi-week training clbum. These clbumes inevitably break up into cliques, and we ended up with the trashy, middle-aged, overweight lady with two kids. I didn’t have a girlfriend at the time (in fact, I was living at home), and middle-aged lady took me aside and told me she knew a young woman who lived in her apartment complex who wasn’t really interested in a serious relationship, but was looking for..someone to have fun with. Her name is Zen (really).

I pbum along my email address, and by the time I got home, I had email from her, including some pictures waiting. I popped onto IM and we started chatting. Things took a turn for the sexy, and she starts sending me more pictures. Nude pictures. And she’s telling me about the things she wants to do to me. More nude pictures. Pictures with dudes. Dudes in her mouth. Toys. Toys in her bum.

She’s heavy — exceeding three hundred pounds heavy, and this is quickly coasting into territory I don’t want to be in. I told her I needed to tend to some things and logged out of IM. Sometimes I think I should have blocked her then, but then I doubt it would have made any difference.

The next morning, I get back on the computer and sign into IM. She messages me immediately, asking if I will call a bank for her. It’s urgent, and she needs it taken care of right away. She wants me to pose as her boyfriend and transfer money into her account.

“He forgot to transfer his child support payment to me, and I’m really hurting this month. Can you do this for me?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because that would be illegal.”

“So?”

“I’m blocking you now.”

And without thinking about it any further, I blocked her and enjoyed my two days off.

When I returned to work, nobody I knew there would talk to me. They all gave me nasty glares. Nobody would sit with me at lunch. The next day, as I’m about to leave for work, I notice a message on my answering machine. It was the contracting agency telling me not to go into work today — my contract was terminated. I turn in my belongings to the contacting agency and find out what’s happened.

The girl told the woman who tried to hook us up that I had come over and taken advantage of her. This spreads around work, and someone apparently threatened to bumault me when I returned (their involvement in the incident is still unclear to me). This all gets back to management, and they decide to end my contract, hoping to wash their hands of this little scandal (and possibly saving me from taking a beating).

A friend of mine ends up landing me with a much better job, so everything pans out in the end and I put the incident behind me.

Three years later, I’ve moved out my mother’s house and am now living on my own. I go to craigslist and look in the Colorado Casual Encounters forum — partly for chuckles, partly not, you know. I open a posting and respond to it. Within ten minutes, Zen responds with a picture.

Not a moment after I made the connection and finished reading her email, I stood up from my desk, sat down on the edge of my bed and went to scheming. I have been handed a golden opportunity to get her back. What is the perfect way to do this?

I write her back, and tell her about myself. While it’s been three years since our previous ‘encounter’ (if you’ll even call it that), I force a new typing/speech style and take on some chatspeak that I would normally avoid. I send her some photos (some risque), and tell her that I find her incredibly attractive, that I like BBWs and am good with kids.

We make a date to have dinner at Applebee’s. We meet for the first time, and I immediately compliment her looks. She takes to this quickly, and the rest of the night is a barrage of “So, what else do you like about me?”-type questions, it was difficult to keep up the facade and I wasn’t so sure I was succeeding. We split the bill, and we share a quick embrace and kiss in the parking lot. She smelled like death and farts. I got in my car, drove to a nearby parking lot and thought long and hard about continuing. I was starting to realize that this was the most difficult thing I have ever done as a person.

We made plans to have dinner at her apartment, but it wasn’t until a long weekend, and she couldn’t contain her urges within her disgusting shell, so we met again over lunch for some fast food. Again, we each paid for our own food. I attempted to pbum the time with idle conversation, but she wouldn’t stop complimenting me. Just as it was hard to find things about her I ‘liked’, it was hard listening to her gush about me. You really do have a natural reaction to roll your eyes, and I think I slipped once. When we left, she insisted on making out in the backseat of my car. Kissing her is a torturous, but necessary evil. After a few minutes, I finally convinced her that I needed to get back to work (I didn’t), and we went our separate ways.

Our third get together is arranged at her apartment. It is dingy and smells because she keeps all kinds of amphibious and what I’d call ‘dirty’ pets, like rats. I meet her daughter for the first time. She appears to have down syndrome, but really she’s got a stupid face and merely acts dumb. Luckily, I had the foresight not to ask first.

We pbum the time by playing a Tetris game on her Playstation and finally watching a movie with her daughter. When the ending credits roll, I excuse myself to the bathroom, sneaking in a big cup of water. There are rats in cages in the bathroom. I pour a fourth of the water into the toilet slowly to give the impression that I’m urinating. I flush the toilet, pop two Viagra and chug the rest of the water as quickly as I can. I stand there for a few moments to let it start running through my system, then wash my hands under the faucet. I really need to pee.

I come out of the bathroom and put the cup on a nearby table, then walk back into the living room. Zen is putting the wonderspawn to bed, so I take a seat on the couch. Zen joins me in a few moments and we talk about dinner while she snuggles up with me. We begin kissing, and I run my hand behind her neck to pull her closer to me. My male reproductive organ hardens against its own will, it clicks in my head that I’ve already won. I’m on autopilot — in complete control of the situation. Whatever I say goes.

I cup her breasts, and she climbs into my lap. A few moments later, she begins grinding on me. I don’t say anything, I just continue running my hands over her wretchedness. She undoes my pants and is surprised over how hard my male reproductive organ is. Perhaps she’s never seen one that erect in her presence before. She gives me a miserable blow for about two minutes, then stands up, takes my hand and leads me to her bedroom. There are two ferrets in cages, and a lizard in an aquarium here. I playfully push her onto the bed, and we continue our descent into debauchery. Her clothes are off, and I’m down to my boxers.

As I lay over her mess of a body, I whisper into her ear, “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“I’m just going to say it. I like to gently caress, but I’m really into anal sex. I want to gently caress your rear end. What say you of that?”

She fakes shock, but then confesses what I already know. She loves anal sex. She pulls a lubricant from a drawer of her bedside table, then leaves it on top.

She then pushes me down and climbs over me, kissing me. She fights to get my male reproductive organ to poke through the hole in my boxers, then slams her fat against my stomach. I’m winded while she grinds her sandpaper pubic hair on my groin until I feel something warm engulf my male reproductive organ.

As she hosed me, I was taken back to the moment where I lost my virginity. As a teenager, I’d imagined that once you had sex, you’d feel like a man. And when I did have my first sexual encounter, I had sort of disconnected myself from the moment, subconsciously searching myself for some sort of feeling that I didn’t have before. It wasn’t there. It felt the same, just with a sort of wet warmth sliding around on my male reproductive organ. But this was different. This time, I searched myself and found that I’d lost something. Today, years later, I still can’t quantify it, but I have definitely lost something that I previously had. One of my marbles, likely.

She rode me briefly, but I had to stop her. I was having difficulty pulling in oxygen, and I wondered if I was going to be able to finish this, or chicken out and admit defeat. She asked me if I was alright, and I replied, “I want to be behind you”. She nodded and climbed off of me. My male reproductive organ slid from her woman's genitals and slapped against my stomach with a sickly splat. I sat up while she presented her rear end to me.

After a few seconds, I started to regain my composure, so I got onto my knees, pressed my male reproductive organ blindly around some folds until I slid into something. While I hosed her, and grabbed for the tube of lube behind me and began slathering it over her rear end in a top hat, pushing one, then two fingers inside her. She moaned in anticipation as I backed out, realigned, and then pushed into her bum. Her body jerked upwards and she let out a soft yelp, then slowly played with her woman's genitals. I began to gently caress her rear end, and she worked with my thrusts. My breathing quickens, and I begin loving her faster until I release.

As I write the story out, it’s getting late and I don’t have any medical journals handy, so excuse my lack of familiarity with the terms of anatomy — When a human male has intercourse, muscles within his groin flex and restrict the pbumage that allows urine to pbum. It is possible, though extremely difficult, to relax these muscles while the male reproductive organ is stimulated.

“I’m peeing in your rear end right now”. Her sphincter tightens around my male reproductive organ. “Do you know why I’m peeing in your rear end?”

She begins sobbing and squirming under me.

“Do you know why I’m peeing in your rear end?”

“No!”

“Good.”

I pull out and finish urinating on her. She’s crying hysterically, but doesn’t speak or move. I quickly find and step into my pants, grab the rest of my things and run out the door. I stop mid-run to get into my shoes and throw my shirt over my head, then sprint to the car.

Driving home, I sing a victory song to a tune in my head:

Ha ha!

Ha ha!

I peed in your bum!

Evilboithing

Avatar: Middle Finger Keyboard

Level 11 Troll

“Pain in the ASCII”

gack! Log in to see images!

Log in to see images!

Evil Trout

MODERATOR
Avatar: 35 2023-04-24 23:24:10 +0000

[Crotch Zombie]

Level 21 Hacker

this site is deader than the toddlers in my basement

I can’t believe I read the whole thing. I want my dignity back.

Evilboithing

Avatar: Middle Finger Keyboard

Level 11 Troll

“Pain in the ASCII”

I want my viagra back! meh. ;P

BirdofPrey

Avatar: 2037 Sun May 10 02:46:48 -0400 2009
10

[Team Shortbus]

Level 10 Troll

I lick her up afterwards (After her great times session too! Yum!)

Evil Trout Posted:

I can’t believe I read the whole thing. I want my dignity back.

gimme 1000 epeens

Vuron

Avatar: 4928 2011-07-31 00:39:10 -0400
13

[Team Shortbus]

Level 40 Emo Kid

Vile serpent! I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.

Hrmm so he had sex with a fat smelly chick just to have the chance of peeing in her bum?

Seems like a bit of a hit just to “get back at someone”. Couldn’t he just find out where she lives and firebomb the apartment?

Evilboithing

Avatar: Middle Finger Keyboard

Level 11 Troll

“Pain in the ASCII”

I’m pretty sure firebombing is illegal.. not so sure about peeing up someone’s bum though.. probably illegal somewhere.. like switzerland or something.

Edit: Or Arkansas. Whatever. Log in to see images! Evilboithing edited this message on 06/19/2008 10:28AM

my_mother

Avatar: 43437 Sun Nov 23 19:27:56 -0500 2008

[Team Shortbus]

Level 16 Emo Kid

my woman's genitals smells like freedom

Evilboithing Posted:

I’m pretty sure firebombing is illegal.. not so sure about peeing up someone’s bum though.. probably illegal somewhere.. like switzerland or something.

Edit: Or Arkansas. Whatever. Log in to see images!

Log in to see images!

Evilboithing

Avatar: Middle Finger Keyboard

Level 11 Troll

“Pain in the ASCII”

Log in to see images!

Log in to see images!

Echuu

Avatar: 6433 Tue Jul 21 22:01:07 -0400 2009
10

[Backdoor Amigos]

Level 20 Troll

You made Vader snobby.

Evil Trout Posted:

I can’t believe I read the whole thing. I want my dignity back.

That will be 1000 flezz Log in to see images!

nanalatinoje-
sus gets you-
JUSTICE IN -
YOUR FORUMS

Avatar: nanalatinojesus gets you JUSTICE IN YOUR FORUMS's
4

[Full of SbumSS]

Level 26 Troll

I SHOULD POST MORE BUT I DON'T BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL REALLY LAME

she had a kid. ;-;

Overspammer

Avatar: Sad Face
2

Level 7 Emo Kid

“Scene Kid”

*weep* this thread is lame *weep*

Biff Weasley

Avatar: 2174 Wed Nov 05 00:04:24 -0500 2008
2

Level 19 Troll

bumhead

nanafabulous personjesus Posted:

she had a kid. ;-;

A son named Caleb?

Balloon

Avatar: Balloon's Avatar
28

[Grey Goose Mafiosi]

Level 35 Camwhore

Inflate my ovaries until they pop out of me and float away

Yeah, so? Isn’t that what ones usually does on a date?

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