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Actually xenu is the ENEMY. You will learn the Sacred Lore of things such as this, and squash discrepancies and false rumors you may have heard from anon idiots. (for a small fee)

Paraone Posted:

You will learn the Sacred Lore of things such as this, and squash discrepancies and false rumors you may have heard from anon idiots. (for a small fee)

I think I just figured out the difference between a religion and a cult:

A religion tells you what to believe and then takes your money.

A cult takes your money and then tells you what to believe.

I am efl wizred, I use natuer magick But, I woud like too lern space magick wehn I get to level 8. Litening is in the skye wich, is kind of likes pace.

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litening bolott! lol!

enire Posted:

I think I just figured out the difference between a religion and a cult:

A religion tells you what to believe and then takes your money.

A cult takes your money and then tells you what to believe.

I just figured out the difference between you and a gay baby: nothing at all

Shoop Da Woop Posted:

Can you teach more about this so called scientology?

SURE

just ask me a question

I would like to interrupt this thread about cults for an important public service announcement!

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fenk the evil midnight stabber Posted:

I would like to interrupt this thread about cults for an important public service announcement!

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Obama is friends with Oprah who is a known Scientology supporter.

The Org has informed us that we are voting for Obama because he supports Scientology, and in fact is a prospective new member.

Random Trivia (taken form the internet lolz, I plagerise Log in to see images!)

* An internet rumor that Scientology is basically worshipping aliens has been proven true. L. Gay Hubbard was so enthralled by the movie E.T that he became convinced that E.T was some kind of god figure. Therefore Steven Spielberg is the real leader of Scientologists everywhere. Conversely, plans for a pbumion of the gray man is planned for a 2010 release date.

* Scientology has also been rumored to be based upon 9 magic alien pineapples that formed the earth, around the time that Tom Cruise saved the world with his steadily declining acting ability in the War of The Worlds, yet this theory is disproven because everyone knows that L. Ron Hubbard built Tom Cruise in his cubbard.

* scientology is not a lie. ever.unless you are tom cruise. but at that point, you can already walk through walls and feast on the souls of less expierienced nork-naks. please send 5000$ to the Spildormatad (or the cool word for church of sir hubbard the second-forth.)

* At level OT 50, Scientologists gain the ability to wield the +7 Laser Sword and Magic Chain Mail Cuirbum. At this point, they win the internets.

* To gain 10 OT levels press UP DOWN UP DOWN UP LEFT UP RIGHT and then hold START and the X bumon on the title screen.

* 75% of scientologist have severe mental retardation, the other 25% are just stoners….

* A common favourite past-time of a $cientologist involves sueing people who call “the cult” a religion.

* The Galactic Confederacy’s history is not revealed to Scientologists until they reach the level of OT 60. Once achieving this level, you must either plod along pwning noobs/non-Scientologits for the rest of your life, or shell out another couple of million in order to access the previously unheard of cap of OT 70. However, due to the immense amount of time/money/idiocy required to reach this new cap, only Tom Cruise will ever succeed.

* Before a Scientologist becomes a man he must swear his allegiance to Dumbledore, who was Xenu’s ****.

* The Scientology expansion pack, Xenu’s Fury, will make its appearance next summer, and will solve many of the previous bugs, such as free thought of converts and the issue of celebrity defamation, and will add several new sets of weapons, armour and maps. Your sphere of influence is now larger, and you can now recharge your mana points by speaking to Oprah in the Valley of the Thetans.

* A future scientologist can be determined by scanning an unborn child. If the child has no backbone, the child will make a frowning face whenever hearing Scientology jokes in the outside world. Scientologists are known to have no backbone, threatening to sue even the funniest Scientologist joke and only laugh if they win the lawsuit. A backbone transplant is a mandatory cure.

* Rumor has it the secret ending of ”$cientology” is so spectacular, so mind-bogglingly fantastic, that packs of lawyers have been unleashed for the sole, indispensable purpose of generally suing the pants off anyone wishing to prospectively spoil it.

* In the basement of its L.A. lair, $cientology keeps packs of rabid attack lawyers, raised on beatings and the rare scraps of live human beings. $cientology releases these lawyers whenever it feels someone is making fun of it. Luckily, Uncyclopedia has a reputation for pure impbumionate factual accuracy, and can be coerced with bribes. Wikipedia was not so lucky.

* $cientologists will play an important role in helping George W. Bush take his presidency back in 2010.

* The scientologist priests are known as lawyers

* LRon Hubbard received several academy awards for best acting over the years even though he never starred in any movies.

* Scientologists are in fact soluble in water, and can often be seen dissolving in the rain

* According to BBC jounalist John Sweeney, Tom Davis was “NOT THERE AT THE START OF THE INTERVIEW” (See Panorama, aired on BBC2 May 14th 2007)

* Also, Tom Cruise is an hero.[4]

* All $cientologists cameramen provide many buffs and auras such as Aura of Xenu’s Rage and are elites. Raid groups large enough should attempt to take these out first before moving onto the higher bosses. They have been known to drop loot such as notices of Tax Evasion and pictures of small naked boys/girls/kittens/grues.

* When a $cientologist reaches the nirvanic state of the final level, they are told it is a load of bollocks but that they are now honour bound to defend it as they’d look right numpties for admitting this to the World.

* Is Less Of A Religion Than The Jedi Order….

* Is not in any way related to the Church of Pi-entology

* Practitioners of the faith “cult” are know to ingest live children in the basement of their Portland, OR “Celebrity Center.” Upon legal uses of their facilities, Pornography is produced in the main hall at 8PM on Friday nights.

* If you say L. Ron Hubbard backwards three times fast a Scientologist will burst into a lawyer from the black pits of Hell. Warning!! Be prepared to run for your wallet.

* The Church’s ship the Freewinds has been known to host little boy orgies with L. Ron attending as well as Michael “Wacko Jacko,” Tom Cruize, and other high ranking pedophile Scientologist.

* In the Church of Scientology, a normal priest is a manager, and the pope is the president. (And they say they are not a company)

* Upon reaching the third OT, scientologists learn that they must now go for the two-point conversions rather than field goals.

* Scientologist tend to suffer from Coulrophobia (fear of clowns).

* The holy E-meter was originally designed from the specifications of an alien sex toy. (Not known how it was used, scientist (legitimate ones) believe it was induced through the anal cavity.)

* Belief in Scientology may result in the outpouring of God’s wrath. For example, Tom Cruise’s behavior on the set of Magnolia, combined with his Scientologist beliefs caused God to send a rain of frogs as punishment, subsequently contributing to the death of arthouse director Paul Thomas Anderson. It is also speculated that Tom Cruise’s faith single-handedly led to the alien invasion depicted in War of the Worlds.

* They pbum kool-aid laced with acid to impressional children. (male reproductive organ goes where?)

* All lawyers working for Scientology are compelled into their service by contracts from their current employer, Satan.

* The mormons were disgusted to learn that the title they had held so long “Bunch Of Naive Twats That Will Believe Any Old ****” had not only been stripped, but that they were also being portrayed by the international committee on which religion is the right one (South Park) as being the only true children of the only true god. The Scientologists have yet to officially comment on being the new title holders, but it is understood they’re pretty ****ing ****ed about it actually. Which is fine. What’s the worst that they could do anyway? I’m fairly sure that none of the freaky bastards are any place near me, and even if they w.u79o

* Is actually made up

* Responsible for the career of Jean Stapleton

Mitch Connor Posted:

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