Nice job, Captian. Hopefully you won’t turn into a shattered nutcase before this is through. At any rate, the Swedish Chef part just made my day.

Heya Guys! Hope the holidays are treating you well.

Hopefully should have some more stuff to upload after the weekend. King Krimson is… still chewing on the curtains, I’m afraid, but there’s nothing I can do about that right now.

But listen. That’s not the real reason I’m posting here right now. There’s something important to be done, but it requires a program that can take screenshots directly off of a mobile phone. Why? Is it My Immortal related? Kind of. It certainly involves vampires. If any of you have any Ideas, that’d be great. Thanks!

Hope to see you soon!

I laughed so hard i kept hitting my head on the wall.

Brilliance. (not the story, GAWD not the story!) Log in to see images!

hey shii and db, did you guys ever finish reading the second half?

Adapt Posted:

hey shii and db, did you guys ever finish reading the second half?

No, lol, we didn’t. I felt this man’s pain though, and we need to do that sometime. That was way, way too much fun.

22 Chapters of My Immortal in one night, King Krimson ain’t got **** on us!

Um. Wow. It’s been a long time, chaps. I see that Captain_Amazing covered for me during that temporary stint of madness. Thanks, you mysterious interloper you.

...You mysterious interloper who just so happens to share my exact form of humour and writing style. Hmm. Nothing to that, I’m sure.

Well. Not much more to say, I guess, except that I’m feeling much better now, thank you, and that my once resplendent curtains are now frayed and soggy. So, on with Chapter 28: The Preppening.

Chapter 28.

AN: I sed stop gflmaing da story it wuz a miskat wen profsor relory sed dat ok!11111111

Indecipherable as ever, I see. Boy, it’s good to be back. Yes siree-bob. Good to be back.

GO 2 FOKENG HELL!1111 U SUK! fangz 2 fily 4 da help!1!

“ Ebbony u shud have mor !111’s hhere, to emphsiz te goffik drama LOL luv u grrl, u fuking **** !!1!.”

raven hav fun wif kiwi!1111111

Alone in her bedroom, Raven slowly began to cut the top off of the egg-shaped fruit. Savouring the soft squelch of the berry as her spoon gently bit into it, she let out a tantalising moan of anticipation. Watching the sweet, tangy juices ooze out of the fresh wound only made her more ravenous. Yes, the night was young, and the fun was just beginning…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

We went in2 a blak room.

Well, this certainly is a thrilling start.

The wallz were blak

HURP DERP

with portraits of gothic bands lik MCR, GC and Marlin Mason

Marlin Mason? The Grand High Ruler of the Fish Illuminati?

all over them. A big black coffin was in the middle.

Why did the mortician go to the Doctor’s?

Red vevlet lined da blak box.

Because he couldn’t stop coffin!

:sigh:

There were three chairs made of bones with real skullz in dem.

Ever seen those bone chairs with fake skulls on them? Man, I HATE those.

I wuz wearing a blak corset bar wif purple stuff on it, fishnet suckings and a blak leather thong underneath.

Is it me, or does Ebony just wear the same clothes every chapter? Makes you wonder why she feels the need to explain it in excruciating detail every 5 seconds.

I sat down one of da chairs dispersedly.

So, she sat in the chair and, what, vanished? Where was this chair in the first 27 chapters?

So did Drako and Vampire.

This day is just getting better and better!

“Are you okay?” Vampir asked

They’re still here? Once again, my hopes have been raised, only to be cruelly dashed to the floor.

potting his albastard hand on mine.

Harry: All bastard, all the time.

He was wearing black nail polish. I was wearing blak nail polish

Dumbledore was wearing black nail polish. Professor Flitwick, popular socialite that he was, was also wearing black nail polish. Even Dobby, the borderline very special house-elf was wearing black nail polish. Goddamn, is this school goffick.

with red crosses on it.

Yet another flagrant violation of the Vampire Lore YOU WROTE YOURSELF.

“Yah I guess.” I said sadly. Drako also pot his hand on mine sexily.

I guess you could say he was SMOKING HOT!

You know, smoking because of the pot, and hot because I am secretly attracted to him.

Er, I mean, because EBONY is attracted to him. Ebony.

I smiled sadly with my blak lipstick.

Ebony can’t actually physically smile, so she used the lipstick like a crayon to draw on her face.

“The problem is……………………….i have to seduce Volxemort. Ill have 2 go bak in time”

So the staff still have no major objections to sending an underage girl to sex up Voldemort in the past. Huh. This isn’t just absent-mindedly fooling around with the time-stream, this is actively molesting it.

Draco started to cry sadly.

“You never travelled back in time to seduce me. Sometimes I get the feeling you’re not putting your all into this relationship.”

Vampire hugged him.

“Hush, Draco. This is not a time for sadness. After all, if we’re lucky she may never return.”

“Itz okay Eboby.” he said finally. “But what about me? Ur not gonna brake up or anyfing, are you?”

“Don’t be silly, I’m just going to bone Lord Voldemort, is all. Oh yes, and everyone else who catches my eye. And maybe a few house elves. Possibly a sentient painting or two. Our relationship is fine!”

“Of coarse not!” I gasped.

“Really?” he asked.

“Sure.” I said.

“Eh, why the hell not.”

We frenched sexily. Vampire looked at us longingly.

Then………… I took off Draco’s MCR shrift and seductvely took of his pants. He was hung lik a stallone.

You know, I’ve never pictured Rocky naked until now. In retrospect, that was something I was rather proud of.

He had replaced the Vampire tattoo that said Enoby on it.

So… He replaced the Vampire tattoo with your name on it… With something else?

What?

Black roses were around it. I gasped. He lookd exactly lik Gerard Way.

Draco can shapeshift, but only with his clothes off.

Vampire took a vido camera. (I had sed it wuz ok b4).

Meanwhile, Snape and Lupin are ‘getting to know’ the ever-so-pleasant inmates of Azkaban for doing the exact same thing. Of course, making kiddy porn when you’ve been given express permission is A-Okay.

I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif.

If you mean ‘Ride of your life’ to mean constant life-ruining attention from the darkest corners of the internet then yes, I suppose you are.

Oh, hang on. It’s too late for that, isn’t it?

We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock in my you-know-what

“Putting me in there is most illogical, Captain. I’m liable to get a disease and I – No! NOOOO!”

and pbumively we did it.

“So. What now? I think you’re supposed to, like, thrust, or something.”

“I love you Eboby. Oh let me feel u I need 2 feel u.”

This kind of reminds me of ‘Closer’. Trent Reznor would be so proud.

he screamed as we got an orgasm. We watched Vampire filmed everything perfectly.

“We watched Harry watching us watching Harry watching us…”

Suddenly………………………….

“WHAT THE **** R U DOING!”

The teachers of Hogwarts can hardly be surprised at this point. Not only has Ebony set a precedent for this sort of thing, but they’re actively whoring her out to Voldemort. This is… I mean, what? I don’t…

...No, Krimson, don’t try to rationalise this. That’s what did you in the first time, remember? Just let it be.

It was………………………….Snope and Profesor McGoggle!111

“Gasp! The dispeller of urban legends and the head of the swimming team!”

This stuff practically writes itself now. Where’s the love? Where’s the originality? The once oh so snappy misanthropy and off-the-wall humour has been replaced by trite one-liners and half-arsed jabs at spelling errors. Personally, I think I jumped the shark round about Chapter 19.

See you next time.

BirdofPrey Posted:

quote this if you only read the first sentence of this thread