>kill bird

There is no bird to kill.

>i

Your own head.

>damn

Command not recognized.

>n

Door to north was not a real door. In fact it was a painting on the brick wall.

You’ve hurt your head.

>i

Your own head (cracked) contains

    Your own brains (leaked).

>█

I’M A LEVEL 10 fabulous person

I CAST STD ON ALL ACTIVE PLAYERS

The party is approached by a small ch-

XEP ATTACKS CHILD (1)!

THE ATTACK DOES 3,256 DAMAGE!

CHILD (1) DIES!

YOU GAIN 1 XP!

YOU GAIN 1  !

YOU GAIN A NEW ITEM: LETTER

You open the letter. It reads:

Greeted, adventurers! Us have come for the ore how you the snot monster has covered WWEHCBQB. Unfortunately it is not some in its type, and also the villages Hfgeh, Eafwhbefw and Obbv are threatened snot monsters.

Our espionage shows summoned to these monsters to that all becomes by the bad undead king SDFFjhj III who is in hiding himself in the country of Ysjkdhv, beyond the mounts of Hwekf and…

You think the letter is tl;dr and you watch as Xep proceeds to sodomize the child’s corpse. It’s pretty hot and you achieve orgasm quickly. You look for something to wipe off your male reproductive organ.

YOU GAIN A NEW ITEM: JIZZ-STAINED POORLY TRANSLATED LETTER

You discard the letter because it has jizz on it.

You hear a voice in the distance. “Greetings friends!” It yells.

“Perchance I might join you on your quest?”

You turn around and look. It’s a ****ing bard. “I shall sing annoying songs and jerk off as I watch you get raped by monsters because I didn’t lift a bloody finger!”

You feel yourself losing control. If this bard does anything fruity, you are going to beat him until he dies twice.

“Brave, Brave Sir Robin!”

This quote sends you over the edge. You awake two hours later. Your chest is covered in gore, your prostate really hurts and your appear to be carrying a severed hand in your mouth.

You have obtained the defiled corpse of the fruity bard! Also, you should get yourself checked. That bard has been around the block a few times, if you know what I mean.Log in to see images!

Rerolling.

I get up, yelling, “You spoony bard!” In hopes that this event would go away.

The spoony bard is dead. Get over it, Crybaby.

I introduce myself to the party as the RULES LAWYER and insist that each character state his/her THAC0 before every initiative.

I look at icwutudidthar and run to her, and start complaining about how my life sucks, and how my parents don’t understand me. I then proceede to show her my cut marks.

i roll a 2d10 to determine if crinks cutmarks are self inflicted or caused by combat. after discerning their nature, i inform the party priest that healing said wounds would be an affront to the gods.

Log in to see images!