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Losing Weight
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So. This is the scoop.
I need to lose 5 pounds by tomorrow, or else I am kicked out of the navy, and destined to spend the rest of my life as a failure.
I’m taking Laxatives, and coffee.
If I die, I am going to be very perturbed and sad.
I am totally flying on caffeine right now, so I can’t feel my mouth. Like literally cannot feel it.
Wish me luck, ‘cause I’m gonna need it. -.- |
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| Posted On: 10/17/2010 10:36PM |
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View Bix Nood's Profile
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there’s no way in hell you’re losing 5 pounds in a day. rig the scale.
you should have closed your mouth earlier, you lazy Log in to see images! |
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| Posted On: 10/17/2010 10:42PM |
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View Bandaney's Profile
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Chop off a limb. |
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| Posted On: 10/17/2010 10:45PM |
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View Bear's Profile
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Cycle while swimming at high speeds up a slope. |
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| Posted On: 10/17/2010 11:19PM |
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View Aurum's Profile
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By tomorrow? Holy **** man. My advice: Take a trip to the sauna. Wear a sweatsuit. |
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| Posted On: 10/17/2010 11:52PM |
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sdgrbbum09
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Take the Donkey Lips route: “I can take out my retainer and I’ll get a haircut.”
If all else fails, and the Navy doesn’t weight you that way already, just get naked. With any luck, the person at the scale will be too horrified to look at you and you can tell them any number you want. |
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| Posted On: 10/17/2010 11:52PM |
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View Jubbles's Profile
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Dress yourself in as much heavy clothing as you can and exercise non-stop. If you’re doing it indoors, make sure you turn the heat up. The trick is to sweat out those five pounds, that’s the fastest way to do it quickly.
Then again, if you were lazy enough as to go five pounds overweight, I doubt you’d have the fortitude to go through sweat shock treatment. |
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| Posted On: 10/17/2010 11:56PM |
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View mterek's Profile
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Get some acai berrys to clean out your colon. All the pop-up ads say they work great. |
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| Posted On: 10/17/2010 11:56PM |
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View Skyman747's Profile
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Skyman747 Posted:
I think you mean açai berries. I’ve never heard of acai berries. |
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| Posted On: 10/18/2010 12:00AM |
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sdgrbbum09
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You should have eaten a tape worm. |
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| Posted On: 10/18/2010 2:31AM |
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View Adapt's Profile
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Stop drinking. Start sweating. You have about five pounds of water weight you can loose. |
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| Posted On: 10/18/2010 2:49AM |
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View Fie's Profile
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Fie Posted:Ya that’s a good point too. Stop all that coffee, and other drinks. Just drink nothing, still take the laxatives though. Maybe some niacin would help kick start your metabolism. Also all those things jockeys did to make weight. Good stuff on that. |
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| Posted On: 10/18/2010 4:17AM |
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View Adapt's Profile
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Go VEGAN Log in to see images! |
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| Posted On: 10/18/2010 4:22AM |
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View Adolf_Hipster's Profile
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Jubbles Posted:
Don’t stop with a hair “cut,” wax head to toe. |
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| Posted On: 10/18/2010 4:29AM |
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View Bacchus's Profile
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might sound gruesome, but for a last minute measure when u have to lose weight quickly, just stick ur finger in your throat and start throwing up |
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| Posted On: 10/18/2010 5:15AM |
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View thew00's Profile
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just quit the navy because the navy is male reproductive organs |
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| Posted On: 10/18/2010 5:19AM |
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View Nicco's Profile
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Nicco Posted:
seconded, join the airforce instead |
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| Posted On: 10/18/2010 5:21AM |
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View thew00's Profile
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What’s up with joining the Army instead? Keep you feet on the ground. |
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| Posted On: 10/18/2010 5:32AM |
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AIDS woman's genitals
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Adapt Posted:
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| Posted On: 10/18/2010 6:02AM |
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View Patently Chill P...'s Profile
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Adapt Posted:
If he loses five pounds of water all in one day, I’d be surprised if he didn’t die or get otherwise messed up pretty badly.
Instead he should go to the drug store and get an enema kit or better yet if he has time go to a professional and have it done there. I don’t know how much you’ve pooped so far Bix Nood but I’ve read somewhere that you can lose up to 3 pounds with an enema.
The OTHER two pounds you can lose with a combination of sweating and hair & nail removal. |
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| Posted On: 10/18/2010 12:35PM |
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male reproductive organFACEPANTS
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