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Shock JB Presents a Contest for 100 BP: Transgressive Nanofiction!

MC Banhammer

Avatar: 1887 2011-07-31 00:40:59 -0400
36

[Good Omens]

Level 69 Troll

Trying to create drama to drum up the ratings by any means necessary!

Aldo_Anything Posted:

He who was a mod

But quit to report more posts

MC Banhammer

reported

SanDyk

Avatar: 175636 2012-01-01 09:50:12 -0500
21

[Grey Goose Mafiosi]

Level 69 Troll

I am the internet equivelent of Jon Stewart! Except less funny...

He who is a mod

But fails to read any posts

Aldo_Anything

YiffInHell2

Avatar: 189845 2010-04-21 19:44:38 -0400
10

[Island of Avalon]

Level 69 Troll

“Human Yeast Infection”

Good luck! :-)

Hey… when you get the chance I think I speak for many of us when I say that I would like to see how the haiku turned out. It will have to wait until you’re done judging, of course, but I always enjoy non-traditional poetry.

Also, if JB delivers on sharing his Haiku with us, it has been my experience that Haiku poetry works well for legible writing on mammary glands. (You really don’t want the details.) I think that the long-term happiness and prosperity of the American people may well depend upon a camwhore writing this on her mammary glands, even if we have to get some BP and bribe her to do it! What do you guys think?

YiffInHell2 edited this message on 08/02/2010 7:12PM

puss mcquack

Avatar: 138241 2011-07-31 00:43:38 -0400
3

[A Beautiful Place -
Out in the Country
]

Level 25 Hacker

Rangers F.C

seconded

YiffInHell2

Avatar: 189845 2010-04-21 19:44:38 -0400
10

[Island of Avalon]

Level 69 Troll

“Human Yeast Infection”

puss mcquack Posted:

seconded

Hmmmm….

So at least two of us are into the mammary glands idea, and I still don’t have the Host e-peen…

It seems that there has to be some way for this to work out for the benefit of everyone involved. If JB posts the haiku here, I’ve already purchased a ****ton of brownie points that could be used to reward our beloved camwhores for their hard work and sacrifice. It is my humble opinion that we have all the makings of a pretty epic contest!

Log in to see images!

male reproductive organFACEPANTS

Avatar: 60174 2010-06-14 22:20:22 -0400
18

[7 VIBRATING DOLDOES]

Level 65 Troll

REDNECK fine upstanding member of societyfabulous person WHORE

Jalapeno Bootyhole Posted:

Alright, folks! Thanks for all the great entries. Forgive me, as it’s going to take some time to pick out winners.

But, it yielded some great results: I’ve managed to adapt (yes, I said Adapt) a dozen of them into depraved haiku, which was what this was all about…because I’m headed to Saint Paul, Minnesota to check out the National Poetry Slam, where I’ll attempt to enter the annual Haiku Death Match!

If anyone’s in the area and wants to watch me crash and burn (provided my name is picked, and there’ll be a lot of entrants), it’s this Wednesday afternoon.

Thanks again to everyone who participated! I’ll let you know how it goes!

Dude, video that ****!

Dunatis

Avatar: 78885 2011-11-01 01:20:41 -0400
100

[Cabal Gamez]

Level 69 Hacker

Richard Whittington

male reproductive organFACEPANTS Posted:

Dude, video that ****!

Do I smell a new podcast in the works?

Jubbles

Avatar: 24099 2011-10-31 20:24:56 -0400
100

[Brainfreeze]

Level 69 Camwhore

I went almost four years without a custom title and all I got was this custom title. Also, male reproductive organs.

I’m going to third Yiff’s idea. One of my life’s goals is to be just famous enough to sign breasts, and this could be pretty close if one of my entries got haiku’d.

puss mcquack

Avatar: 138241 2011-07-31 00:43:38 -0400
3

[A Beautiful Place -
Out in the Country
]

Level 25 Hacker

Rangers F.C

Jubbles Posted:

I’m going to third Yiff’s idea. One of my life’s goals is to be just famous enough to sign breasts, and this could be pretty close if one of my entries got haiku’d.

Log in to see images!

Jubbles

Avatar: 24099 2011-10-31 20:24:56 -0400
100

[Brainfreeze]

Level 69 Camwhore

I went almost four years without a custom title and all I got was this custom title. Also, male reproductive organs.

Log in to see images!

Jalapeno Boo-
tyhole

MODERATOR
Avatar: 44 2012-11-06 12:31:55 -0500

[Crotch Zombie]

Level 44 Emo Kid

Happy fifth anniversary, Forumwarz! :pumpaul:

Performed two (fully original) haiku and was soundly defeated in the preliminary round. My opponent brought a couple “serious” haiku to the table, and the wuss judges were easily swayed. Having nothing but filth and degeneracy in my arsenal, I didn’t stand a chance! Luck of the draw, I’d say.

My second piece apparently had some people laughing and others shaking their heads. I forgot there were some bonafide Southerners among us:

Postmodern ethics
Like Alabama orgies:
”It’s all relative”

There’s going to be a proper haiku deathmatch in Toronto sometime this year, and I’ll be sure to enter that. Hopefully, I’ll fare a little better!

Jalapeno Bootyhole edited this message on 08/04/2010 6:33PM

MC Banhammer

Avatar: 1887 2011-07-31 00:40:59 -0400
36

[Good Omens]

Level 69 Troll

Trying to create drama to drum up the ratings by any means necessary!

Jalapeno Bootyhole Posted:

Having nothing but filth and degeneracy in my arsenal, I didn’t stand a chance!

So what you’re saying is, you trolled them, and the mods permabanned you.

I’m thinking there are some people who can’t post on these forums but can read them, who are giving you the finger and saying “How do YOU like it, bee-yatch?”

Aldo_Anything

MODERATOR
Avatar: 32555 2014-07-18 11:39:53 -0400
98

[Brainfreeze]

Level 69 Troll

male reproductive organMEISTER

MC Banhammer Posted:

...there are some people who can’t post on these forums but can read them…

These people stand in sharp contrast to me.

mterek

Avatar: 192622 2009-09-24 16:39:01 -0400
18

[mahjong]

Level 69 Re-Re

$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$

Jalapeno Bootyhole Posted:

Performed two (fully original) haiku and was soundly defeated in the preliminary round. My opponent brought a couple “serious” haiku to the table, and the wuss judges were easily swayed. Having nothing but filth and degeneracy in my arsenal, I didn’t stand a chance! Luck of the draw, I’d say.

When I was in high school, I entered an “International Optimist” Essay Contest that had students discuss the JFK quote “War will exist until that distant day when the conscientious objector enjoys the same reputation and prestige that the warrior does today”.

The obvious approach would be to talk about humanity’s history of glorifying violence and perpetuating conflict while contrasting that with the growing accomplishments of peace activism from the 1960’s+.

My approach was to characterize Kennedy as a Machiavellian who slept with Neustadt under his pillow, and that he used peaceful rhetoric to manipulate both his supporters and critics. Since he understood humans who attain power would always use violence to maintain it, he had to use it too (albeit covertly) to achieve his ends while being mindful to entertain the fantasies of those who believe peace alone was possible. This flexing of hard and soft lines of power allowed him the discretionary authority to resolve conflict without hindrance from critics whose good intentions would have otherwise jeopardized his efforts.

My correspondent said I made it to the semi-finals, but while persuasive if my essay was selected he and all his colleagues would have been fired. Log in to see images!

Jalapeno Boo-
tyhole

MODERATOR
Avatar: 44 2012-11-06 12:31:55 -0500

[Crotch Zombie]

Level 44 Emo Kid

Happy fifth anniversary, Forumwarz! :pumpaul:

Hey, party people! Sorry I took so long to judge this. All that travel and work to catch up on…you know how it goes.

Anyway, some seriously funny entries in here. Some of you have some real talent in this realm! And no, I didn’t judge based on their haiku-worthiness.

First place (50 Log in to see images!→ “Hitler ran his fingers lovingly through Anne Frank’s dark hair. Then he tossed it back on the pile to be woven into socks for submariners.”

Second place (30 Log in to see images!→ “Using a complex system of pulleys and wires, I have animated Michael Jackson’s corpse. Now he can Moonwalk forever. *sniff*”

Third place (20 Log in to see images! great times!’”

Dishonorable mention 1 (10 Log in to see images!→ “Jonny’s sister couldn’t run very fast, but she sure sucked a male reproductive organ at lightning speed. The trick, said Jonny, keep her inhaler until she’s done.”

Dishonorable mention 2 (10 Log in to see images!→ ”’Look mummy, there’s an airplane up in the sky,’ he said on his first, and last, visit to the WTC.”

Thanks to everyone who entered! Next time, I promise, there’ll be some sweet sweet (sweet) E-Peen up for grabs. Stay tuned…

Jalapeno Bootyhole edited this message on 08/12/2010 11:52AM

Listen2Reason

Avatar: Middle Finger Keyboard
7

Level 69 Troll

“Human Yeast Infection”

Hooray! Thanks, JB! Log in to see images!

...

I don’t know whether to be proud or ashamed of my accomplishment. But then, that’s Forumwarz in a nutshell. Log in to see images!

Jubbles

Avatar: 24099 2011-10-31 20:24:56 -0400
100

[Brainfreeze]

Level 69 Camwhore

I went almost four years without a custom title and all I got was this custom title. Also, male reproductive organs.

That one from Yiff was definitely a winner. Thanks for the 30 beeps, too.

Are you surrrre we can’t convince someone to turn this into a peen contest? Log in to see images!

puss mcquack

Avatar: 138241 2011-07-31 00:43:38 -0400
3

[A Beautiful Place -
Out in the Country
]

Level 25 Hacker

Rangers F.C

Yiff’s was definitely full of win… thanks (Log in to see images!

YiffInHell2

Avatar: 189845 2010-04-21 19:44:38 -0400
10

[Island of Avalon]

Level 69 Troll

“Human Yeast Infection”

Thanks! :-)

YiffInHell2

Avatar: 189845 2010-04-21 19:44:38 -0400
10

[Island of Avalon]

Level 69 Troll

“Human Yeast Infection”

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