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Smile (NSFW) CONTEST FOR 60 BP: The Confessional Booth

YiffInHell2

Avatar: 189845 2010-04-21 19:44:38 -0400
10

[Island of Avalon]

Level 69 Troll

“Human Yeast Infection”

Robok Posted:

I killed a man.

Are or were you military? I was with the 4th ID.

Testudo

Avatar: Guitar Girl
1

Level 69 Camwhore

“Venereal Biohazard”

This is a TRUE story about when I went to the moon and beyond by accident(*).

And yes, I mean that giant floating ball wandering aimlessly every night in the sky. And no, I don’t mean that spinning flashing ball of light (get yourself out of the disco floor!).

For every retard questioning the truth of this story: built yourself a spaceship, get your bum to the area called “the blue area of the moon”. Once there, look for the highest hill and you’ll find my footprint there, along with “See? I told you, ****tard Log in to see images!!!” welcoming message just for you.

Fasten your seat belt…

JOURNEY TO THE CENTRE OF THE MOON

Chapter I : It all started with ForumWarz

I was playing ForumWarz that night. While browsing through the Kyoubai catalogue, I saw an entry when I ticked on the ‘Web Spiders’ clbum. Curiousity kills the cat (or the dog, in my case), they say. I checked it and it turned out to be a Simple Web Spider with 3.500.000 buyout. I thought to myself, “Hahaha, what am I? A n00btard?” Turned out my mind could see into the future; as, thanks to my malfunctioning optical mouse, I accidently clicked that cursed BUY bumon…

FUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

..silence for a moment.. everytime I write about this, I feel this uncontrollable urge to beat my dog, Bob, to half-death with a baseball bat. Sometimes I wonder how he manage to stand up afterward, I may have to use a hockey stick next time…

After reciting every curse words ever created in the history of men, women, aliens, and zombies (and even some of my own created curse words just for this occasion; bet you’ve never heard of “humsstard” before); I decided to write a lengthy complaint regarding the lack of CANCEL bumon in Kyoubai. 5 minutes latter, I decided to complain about Evil Trout lamebumness itself.

3 hours latter, I finished my post :

This is to voice my dissatisfaction with Mr. Evil Trout’s ballyhoos. The points I plan to make in this letter will sound tediously familiar to everyone who wants to honor our nation’s glorious mosaic of cultures and ethnicities. Nevertheless, he has been trying for quite some time to convince us that vile worrywarts have dramatically lower incidences of cancer, heart attacks, heart disease, and many other illnesses than the rest of us. I suggest he take this rotting ordure and dump it where he and his fellow supercilious undesirables congregate. At least then we could uphold peace, freedom, democracy, and justice without having to worry that he will cast the world into nuclear holocaust. Only through education can individuals gain the independent tools they need to analyze Mr. Trout’s bumertions in the manner of sociological studies of mbum communication and persuasion. But the first step is to acknowledge that there is no excuse for the innumerable errors of fact, the slovenly and philistine artistic judgments, the historical ineptitude, the internal contradictions, and the various half-truths, untruths, and gussied-up truths that litter every one of his essays from the first word to the last.

Ancient Greek dramatists discerned a peculiar virtue in being tragic. Mr. Trout would do well to realize that they never discerned any virtue in being belligerent. Why does defeatism exist? What causes it? And what is Mr. Trout’s secret agenda? To understand the answers to those questions, you first have to realize that the question that’s on everyone’s mind these days is, “Will peeling back the onion of Mr. Trout’s obtrusive, postmodernist ethics cause Mr. Trout to shed tears or will it merely enhance his desire to take us all back to the Stone Age?” In clbumic sophist fashion, I ask another question in reply: Where are the people who are willing to stand up and acknowledge that his historical record of dictatorial, insufferable ruses is clearer than the muddled pronouncements of his backers?

...

...

...

I won’t bother you any further with that. Suffice to say that it was 1337 enuff to make Hitler himself want to do an a2m2a2b2u2k2s2w Log in to see images! with Michael Jackson. Yes, it was THAT awesome. As I was about to post that, though, I remember…

Chapter II : The Late History Essay about Civil War

I just remembered about that blasted 15-pages essay for tommorow. With the clock pointing at 4.03 AM, I was definitely in some serious **** this time. Not to mention that I’ve failed History twice already. And if that wasn’t bad enough, you just won’t find any teacher harsher than Ms. Andrew…

Ahh, Ms. Andrew… Tall, slim, slender legs, smooth silky skin, dark brown hair, lips to live for, breasts to kill for, bum to die for. There’s always an aura of sexiness everytime she walks. Always wearing a matching clothes, elegant yet not covered enough to conceal her beauty completely. God must be exist for she always prefer a tight hugging clothes to a more conventional clothes. Simply put, there’s no man alive who can’t resist her charm.

One day, after the clbum were dismissed, she called out to me, “I need to talk to you.” I won’t forget that smile, so heartwarming yet at the same time, so full of pbumion. “Yes?”, I answered casually. “As you know, your grade..” the wind carried away her words as I was drowning in the heavenly bliss. Her face, her body, her voice, everything about her was perfect. Just being near to her almost made my heart jumped out. I so wanted to hug her, stroke her hair, kiss her lips, and, just maybe, make a sweet tender love with her.

I don’t remember all the details. ”...come…8PM…address…apartment…” that was all I could remember. Apparently, my brain wasn’t entirely dead, as here I stood, just outside the door to her apartment. Somehow my brain must have been able to decode that cryptic message in my head, concerning something about “private lesson”. I rang the bell …ding dong…

“Just a minute…”

If there’s heaven on earth, then this can’t be it. There she (Ms. Andrew?) stood, wearing a knee length leather boot, a black skin tight lingerie, a spandex hand gloves and a diamond studded collar around her neck. I can’t even recognize the face behind that heavy gothic makeups. My eyes must have been betrayed me.

“I’m sorry ma’am, it seems I was knocking on the wrong door…”

I didn’t even know if she, whoever she was, heard that. The next thing I remember is that I was already strapped to a wooden chair with a leather belt. “Who is she?” Well, there were more important things to worry right now. Thing like, “Is it a dildo in her left hand and a whip in her right hand?” Before I could proceed that thought though, she smiled menacingly, “Let’s get the lesson started…”

That smile… Ms Andrew ? ...

FUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

Note to self 1 : I will not write my BSDM experience, too busy…Log in to see images!

Note to self 2 : I will NOT write my BSDM experience GODDAMNIT!!!

Pardon me…just forget that entire Ms Andrew story. Where were we ? Ahh, yes, my late history essay about civil war.

So, after looking at the clock, I just knew (who wouldn’t?) there wasn’t enough time to write all this ****. I chuckled slightly as my mind said, “Never fear, Google is here!”. 10 minutes later, I was looking at someone else’s 93-pages History essay about Civil War. Now to cut down some unnecessary content and replace that sucker’s name with my name. Well, I decided that it wouldn’t take more than 3 minutes and 14 seconds for my brain and hands to do something that simple (Del, Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V, etc) so…

“It’s time to get myself some weeds for a job well done for now” Yeah, a litle ironic, I know, since that sucker did 99.9999% of the job. Anyway, time to meet Antoine…

Chapter III : 7/11 – Caught in the Act

to be (or not to be) continued…

except for the parts I made up

Chuck Diesel

Avatar: 220714 2013-05-25 22:35:57 -0400
18

[Brainfreeze]

Level 69 Troll

XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA

­I bet my friend $8 in bumorted change that he wouldn’t eat a piece of dog **** out of my backyard. He did, then I told him to go brush his teeth with my sister’s toothbrush.

Awesome.


Patently Chi-
ll Prestidig-
itator

Avatar: 128746 2011-10-09 04:24:59 -0400
8

[love is a dog from-
hell
]

Level 69 Troll

Celerysteve is incredible... he is just so... so incredible.

Once I was at the apartment of this girl I really like, and she was using the restroom when I really had to use the bathroom too. I couldn’t wait for him to finish, and I didn’t know what to do, so I just dropped my pants and crapped right there on the floor, and I swear I was going to pick it up with a paper towel and throw it away, but right then she came out of the bathroom. I threw a pillow over my crap and hoped she wouldn’t notice. Unfortunately he knew something was up, so he picked up the pillow and there was my crap. She was like, “What the Hell is this”, and I was so scared that I just made up this story. I said “Your dog just ran in here and pooped on the floor, but I didn’t want the dog to be embarrbumed so I covered it up.” And she said “You’re moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air”.

So I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and had some dice in the mirror. If anything, I could say this cab was rare, but I thought to myself “Nah, forget it.” and said “Yo, holmes, to Bel Air!”

Patently Chi-
ll Prestidig-
itator

Avatar: 128746 2011-10-09 04:24:59 -0400
8

[love is a dog from-
hell
]

Level 69 Troll

Celerysteve is incredible... he is just so... so incredible.

and that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I am lazy enough to not even do a complete bel-air

sdgrbbum09

Avatar: 165234 2012-12-05 02:59:05 -0500
22

[A Beautiful Place -
Out in the Country
]

Level 69 Troll

I AM A STUPID ****WAD

Chuck Diesel Posted:

­I bet my friend $8 in bumorted change that he wouldn’t eat a piece of dog **** out of my backyard. He did, then I told him to go brush his teeth with my sister’s toothbrush.

Awesome.


I bet a kid in jr. high a dollar to snort AXE body spray up his nose. I bet the same kid another dollar to drink the paint water in art clbum. He was a diabetic and wanted money to buy candy. He missed most of our freshman year in high school because he was in a diabetic coma. Fun times.

Patently Chi-
ll Prestidig-
itator

Avatar: 128746 2011-10-09 04:24:59 -0400
8

[love is a dog from-
hell
]

Level 69 Troll

Celerysteve is incredible... he is just so... so incredible.

itt pcp finds out he still has a soul

Chuck Diesel

Avatar: 220714 2013-05-25 22:35:57 -0400
18

[Brainfreeze]

Level 69 Troll

XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA XAHIRA

sdgrbbum09 Posted:

I bet a kid in jr. high a dollar to snort AXE body spray up his nose. I bet the same kid another dollar to drink the paint water in art clbum. He was a diabetic and wanted money to buy candy. He missed most of our freshman year in high school because he was in a diabetic coma. Fun times.

­­We had a kid snort all the powder from a bag of sour skittles once. Definitely wasn’t a fun day for him.

Oh, and I also fed a kid dog **** on a dorito with an m&m on top when I was way younger.


Chuck Diesel edited this message on 07/13/2010 8:25PM

Joe Torpedo

Avatar: Red Green Flashing
4

Level 69 Troll

“Human Yeast Infection”

I once told my brother to eat a dead woodlouse…and he did. Great times, great times.

YiffInHell2

Avatar: 189845 2010-04-21 19:44:38 -0400
10

[Island of Avalon]

Level 69 Troll

“Human Yeast Infection”

Less than 24 hours to go. Birdcage is currently in the lead for bonking himself in the head with a hammer and losing control of his bodily functions! Dude, that had to suck. I know what those head injuries are like first hand.

I’ll be unbiased, but you should all know that he is one of my former domination rivals!Log in to see images!

Bacchus

Avatar: 224220 2013-12-30 13:01:13 -0500
14

[This klans name is-
precisely fifty c-
haracters long
]

Level 69 Troll

I AM ALSO A STUPID ****WAD

I once entered a story about entering a story into a contest about entering a story and even though some retard that hit himself in the head won for his own stupidity I was rewarded with 20 bp.

The End

Ninja Dragon

Avatar: 98317 Mon Mar 02 19:27:47 -0500 2009
1

[WeChall]

Level 34 Hacker

“43 4f 44 45 20 4d 41 53 54 45 52”

YiffInHell2 Posted:

Less than 24 hours to go. Birdcage is currently in the lead for bonking himself in the head with a hammer and losing control of his bodily functions! Dude, that had to suck. I know what those head injuries are like first hand.

I’ll be unbiased, but you should all know that he is one of my former domination rivals!Log in to see images!

This was the pbumword for grabbing my credit card and buying ****ing ep. 3 by myself…

Finny

Avatar: 57559 2011-07-31 00:11:12 -0400
7

[Harem and Sushi Bar]

Level 69 Troll

BUMPS EVERYWHERE

I kissed a guy after he ate me out

Patently Chi-
ll Prestidig-
itator

Avatar: 128746 2011-10-09 04:24:59 -0400
8

[love is a dog from-
hell
]

Level 69 Troll

Celerysteve is incredible... he is just so... so incredible.

Finny Posted:

I kissed a guy after he ate me out

so you’re, like, a girl now?

Count_Smurf

Avatar: 238805 2010-08-19 21:36:46 -0400
3

[Harem and Sushi Bar]

Level 69 Emo Kid

“The Infinite Sadness”

Professor Commie PhD Posted:

so you’re, like, a girl now?

That was my first thought. My second one was far worse.

YiffInHell2

Avatar: 189845 2010-04-21 19:44:38 -0400
10

[Island of Avalon]

Level 69 Troll

“Human Yeast Infection”

Finny Posted:

I kissed a guy after he ate me out

Log in to see images!

Finny

Avatar: 57559 2011-07-31 00:11:12 -0400
7

[Harem and Sushi Bar]

Level 69 Troll

BUMPS EVERYWHERE

Count_Smurf Posted:

That was my first thought. My second one was far worse.

What was your second?

GB

Avatar: Middle Finger Keyboard

Level 5 Troll

“Slightly Unpleasant Individual”

Okay so one day, I’m hanging around right? Just being with nature…shooting things…with a bb-gun. Now I have always been a level headed person. So i have no idea what came over me. I decided to turn this bb-gun, a handpump air rifle, on myself.

I decided i would only pump it once and i would shoot myselh oh the most protected area, my crotch. Why not shoot my foot? well that would hurt!

So I load it, pump it, aim, and fire.

Well…as it turns out bbs don’t care how think you thick your underwear is.

It bled, and hurt..a lot.

And guess what? that **** is still in my male reproductive organ…I wonder if I should get some sort of surgery or something…

This is true by the way.

GB edited this message on 07/17/2010 3:13AM

Pseud0Karma

Avatar: Denim Skirt
4

[WeChall is a ****ty klan]

Level 43 Camwhore

“DVDA Diva”

I was asking my mother to go to a MTG (Magic The Gathering) tournament at my local card shop. As if that wasn’t an embarrbuming enough conversation to be having at the super market, My mother begins to interrogate me.

“What kind of people are go to this place?”

I begin to explain to my mother that the people who go there are harmless nerds and that there is another girl in the shop from time to time… So here’s what she tells me. In the store. At the check out. In front of a bunch of people.

“Well, as your mother I have to ask these questions. So that way, I can stand over your raped corpse and yell I TOLD YOU SO”

Trimputes

Avatar: 65445 2010-07-18 03:59:22 -0400
8

[Play INCIT]

Level 24 Emo Kid

“Bleeding Heart”

I once got on a bus without using the toilet. Unfortunately there was no stops on the way there, and it was late at night and I was scared to disturb the driver. As I felt hot sticky **** cover my ringpiece it began to bake on my underwear. In my panic I extracted them from my crack. as they dripped all over the seat I stole one of the plastic rubbish bins on the side of the seat and put the dripping mess in the bag. By now the smell was getting horrible and I was scared someone would wake up and notice the carnage being ‘reeked’. By this point I was really sweaty and needed to take a ****. Grabbing the juice bottle from the woman behind me’s seat, I urinated heavily into the bottle and sealed it and returned it to her bag. Feeling only slightly better I realised there was still **** all over my socks, and pants. I needed to wipe it all up but I only had my walkman with me! I looked behind me and the woman was snoring contendedly with her sleeping child in her arms. In possibly the most disturbing thing I have ever experienced I scooped the **** up with my hand, wiped it tentatively on the back of the boys pants and retreated slowly away. I moved further up the bus where an old woman gave me some tic tacs. She said my breath smelt bad. (to this day I cannot stand the taste of tic-tacs). As the driver spoke on the intercom of our impending arrival I could hear people complaining that they could smell rancid fecal matter around the back. I had hidden the bag of crap under my shirt and planned to dispose of it as soon as possible and clean myself properly in the toilets there. Thankfully, noone noticed how I smelt because of the horrible smell coming from the back of the bus and the unaware victim of my folly. As I got off the bus and headed to the toilet I cleaned myself up with wet toilet paper and hand soap. It was a long and horrible process, and I overheard a woman dragging her young boy into the next stall saying “Clean yourself up! And you can forget about disneyland!”

I always remember to **** and **** before I get on a bus these days.

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