Charlie Sheen Posted:

oh man lives been totals rough as o lates first that puss cryer wins an emmy and i didnt and then it leaks that i ordered a hit on that smuck and now the tablods are all over my publicity male reproductive organ about how i gets my swerve on.

what im tryin to rap to ya is that im p blue right now so im thinkin Chuck what makes you happy? duh ted nugent

so im thinkin Chuck what would ted nugent do (wwtnd) and okay maybe do some huntin but im chill with deers and elk i dont wanna shoot no deer man bring on my boat will get drunk you know maybe i can infuse some tasty apples with gin or i can be lickin poon and they can be lickin a salt lick or deer poon if that kind of strange is around

what else would uncle teddy do? hed put out a kick bum live double album filled with awesome songs and crazy talkin now i know peeps know bout my band and the fat sweaty bbum lines i often rip so i can totals put out an album on my label (heart shaped male reproductive organ records ltd.) but that’s not enough

you know what also makes me happy contests so ima do a double contest like my man ted would do two ways to win countless ways to help your ol buddy Charlie Sheen

CONTEST 1: THE ROCK YOUR BALLS INTO ****IN SPACE CONTEST

-write a song that i can play with ted nugent at what will totals be the best concert ever

-this song should incoperate themes that jive with me and ted

-if you actually record the song w/ music an everythin that’s extra points

-were playin real rock and roll none of that big bopper hello baby ****

-make it awesome

PRIZES:

1st place- 100 bp

2nd place- 50 bp

3rd place- 15 bp cuz third place is for suckers why didnt you just lose homo

CONTEST 2: CHANGE MOVIES FOREVER

-write a script for a movie starring me

-it can be a single scene, a cupple scenes, or however much you think will impress me

-im into all genres just make sure its awesome

-if you make a movie poster or somethin for the movie you get extra points

Prizes:

1st place- 100 bp

2nd place- 50 bp

3rd place- 15 bp again cuz your a homo

contest ends uh febuary 13th lets says hope everythin is clear cuz im drunk and shoutin real loud right now

doin it up

sup charlie how you doing man havent seen or heard from you since tijuana

oh heck, I almost forgot about this.

damn damn damn I can’t believe I just saw this.

Camera is panning a new yourk city skyline. At night so everything is lit up by lights on building and everything.

VOICE OVER: IN THE YEAR 1995 THERE WAS A PROBLEM IN THIS CITY BEING BORN. IT WAS THE BIRTH OF A GANG CALLED THE STREET KNIVES. AND THEY WERE JUST SMALL THEN. BUT NOW IT IS 2010 AND THEY ARE A POPULATION OF OVER 70 PERCENT OF THE CITY. AND YOU CAN SPOT THEM BY IF THEY ARE WEARING A LEATHER JACKET WITH STREET KNIFE EMBROIDER ON THE BACK OF IT AND IT HAS A BIG KNIFE TO.

We can see that everyone walking these dark streets is in this gang. Theres an old lady who is not because what good would she be in a gang. So then she is stopped by gang members and they have all of them with knives and she gets scared.

OLD LADY: PLEASE LET ME BE ON MY WAY I JUST WAS BUYING CAT FOOD TO FEED TO MY CAT.

GAMG MEMEBER 1: SHUT UP WHORE IM GONNA enjoy OY WITH MY KNIVE.

OLD LADY: OOOOOOOOOH

She died but we dont have to show it because thats not right my grandmom is old and i respect her so let just leave it to your imagining.

CUT TO: A BOOT

VOICE OVER: THIS CITY IS ROTTING TO ITS APPLES CORE. AND I DONT LIKE A ROTTEN APPLE.

we see the boot crush an apple HARD!!!!

VOICE OVER: I HAVE DECIDED TO STAND UP FOR WHAT IS WRIGHT AND KILL THESE GANG TO DEATH.

The camera pans up from the boot and it shows some bad bum camaflaugh cargo pants and then a super ****ing muscle abs and chest and ripped arms and then we see our hero face and he says

MURDER LAZER: MY NAME IS MURDER LAZER AND I ****IN HATE KNIFES!

(It’s charlie sheen is the actor!)

We hear a bad-bum guitar going nuts all over the place and its ted nugent shredding hot licks ****ING HARD. Now there some credits showing up of like blood and bullet holes and explosions saying who made this movie and its all badbumes. Holy **** this gets you so pumped your ready to punch everyone around its so great. **** YEA!

TITLE CARD: MURDER LAZER (is written in lazer burning it into a steel door.)

INT. NYC APPARTMENT

One of htose fbi csi fonts types on thebottom of the screen that sounds all electronic like your hacking it and getting intel and it says “JUNE 2010 – MURDER LAZER HQ”

Murder Lazer is on the phone and he looks ****ed. Oh and its night time its always night time in this movie fso if i dont say just bumume its night time what kind of bad bum stuff goes down in the daylight i’ll tell you what kind none. thats what kind.

VOICE ON PHONE: THERE IS A GANG CEREMONY EVENT TONIGHTA T THE DOWN TOWN WHARF BY THE DOCKS. THEY ARE CROWING A NEW VICE COMMANDER WHO IS GOING TO HEAD UP THE STEALING DIVISION OF THE GANG.

MURDER LAZER: <GRUNT> SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT NIGHT… **** MELTING SOME FACES

(hot shredding guitar screeching like beeeeeoooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww)

MONTAGE:

We see Murder Lazer tying on his boots. We see him slamming on his wrist mounted lazer gloves. like hard. he rips off his sun glbumes. he slams on some better sunglbumes. he lights a cigar.

MURDER LAZER (CLOSE UP WITH CIGAR IN FACE THERE IS A PAUSE IN THE MUSIC WHILE HE SAYS): LETS GET MURDEROUS (MUSIC KICKS RIGHT THE **** BACK IN HARDER THAN EVER!)

CUT TO: THE WHARF

We can see a big huge gang rally with like 1000 guys there and they are all standing in front of a stage. and they are cheering and listening to a speech.

CAPTAIN DIALGO: AND TONIGHT! WE GROW STRONGER MY GANG MEMBERS! TONIGHT! WE UNITE! TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT WE WELCOME OUR NEWEST VICE COMMANDER! COMMANDER SLICER!!!!!!

(GANG CROWD): WILD CHEERING (they don’t say this you can jst hear cheering)

Commander Slicer takes the stage.

SLICER: I AM YOUR NEW VICE COMMANDER I AM IN CHARGE OF STEALING!!!!!

(CHEERS)

SLICER: AND THE BEST PART IS WE CAN TAKE WHATEVER WE WANT!

CUT TO: WHARE HOUSE

We can see murder lazer is spying ont his even from a nearby whare house and he is using bionoculars out the window. you can still hear the gang cheering and then murder lazer aims his lazer out the window

CUT TO: WHARF STAGE

SLICER: OUR TOP TARGETS WILL BE TO STEAL FROM —

Just then you can see Captain Dialgo standing next to slicer giving his speech and ****ign KABLAMMMM HIS FACE EXPLODES FROM LAZER!

SLICER: HOLY **** WHAT THE **** ITS MURDER LAZER!!!!!!!!

the whole gang turns to look where his lazer is comign fromg and he dives right out the window he is shooting his lazer at the crowd while he is flying to them and you see a bunch of random dudes just blwoing up and then rest are like WHOLY ****! and some of them are starting pull out their knives!

MURDER LAZER lands with his boots right on a dead guys FACE and he cracks his knucles and he says

MURDER LAZER: ITS MURDER TIME KNIVE ****ES!!!

and they all come charging at him but you also see the commander slicer and some other dudes on stage running away. what are they up to?

back to the fight you see murder lazer using his punches ot striaght up kill some people and he slams one guys head into a wall and he takes a moment to stop fighting and he says

MURDER LAZER: DIDNT YOUR MOMMA TELL YOU NEVER BRING A KNIFE TO A LAZER FIGHT?!

Then he puts out his cigar in that guys eyeball!!!!!!!! OH MAN ITS A CLOSE UP AND THE CROWD WILL BE LIKE “OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!” in a good way.

Then another guy pulls outa sword and the crowd of gang backs up to give some room and he swings it at murder lazer but he misses and the sword gets stuck in some dead guy on the ground. so murder lazer runs up the guys own sword!!!!! and kicks his head RIGHT OFF

and its like a fountain of blood out his neck!! and its a bad bum fight scene and oyu see murder lazer stop and pull out his BAZOOKA LAZER

and the gang thats left is like

GANG (IN UNISONG): FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

ZAPP they are ****ing melted dead on fire.

you see a close up of a knife just stuck in the ground and then murder lazer shoots it and it explodes and then it changes focus to him and hes like “I HATE KNIFES!” an then he stars walking to find out where those captains and commanders of the gang went to. but before he can get all the way gone? who does he see?

A super hot babe.

BABE: MURDER LAZER YOUR MY HERO!

MURDER LAZER: JUST DOING MY JOB… MURDERING!

BABE: I HAVE A SECRET I KNOW WHERE THE GANG LEADERS ARE GOING TO.

MURDER LAZER: YOU BETTER ****ING TEEL ME.

BABE: I WILL BUT FIRST I HAVE A NOTHER SECRET!

MURDER LAZER: WHAT?

BABE: LAZERS MAKE MY woman's genitals WHORNY!

MURDER LAZER: LETS GET DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the act ends with a super sexed out scene and theres bad bum nuget shredding a sexy song for the ****ing.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/8505494.stm

This contest ended 5 days ago…

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why havent i won