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|Sugarcult tries to pick up a girl; hilarity ensues|
Wow I’ve not been on this game for a while. I did something pretty funny this past week and wrote a short story on it. After posting it to Facebook, I thought this would be an appropriate place to post it. Enjoy!
Abstract: Guy sees hot girl. Guy tries to talk to said girl. Guy gets blown off. Guy feels sad. Guy and friends watch youtube videos. Guy watches blink videos and becomes immature. Guy trolls the girl irl via toilet humor.
Note: Names have been changed to protect identities.
So yeah to practice my horrible writing skills (I got a 55 on a paper in ethics last semester), I’ll try to make this story like one of Tucker Max’s stories, so it’s kinda long, but more detailed and hopefully humorous. In case you haven’t heard of Tucker Max, he writes stories about all the crazy things he’s done.
As you know I’m a computer science major, which like many majors at Tech is lacking in the female department, or at least women that look like women. I’m commuting this semester, so I really don’t have a place to stay between clbumes on campus, and I usually do my work in the College of Computing commons area. So last semester I had noticed this Ashley girl, who’s not bad looking, though being in the CoC surroundings probably helps. She is a TA for CS 1315, a computer clbum for non-CS people, so I don’t think she’s CS. I never really talked to her last semester, but last week we finally had a conversation and she seemed nice enough.
Now before I proceed with the story, I have to make a comment on one thing that alcohol edu taught me proved to be true: Beer commercials really do put subliminal messages into your head. Reason I say this is those recent Bud Light commercials, the “not too heavy, not too light” ones they play during football games seemed to have made a mark on me. I now can say I partook in my own Bud Light commercial.
So yesterday I saw her again and decided I was gonna strike up a conversation and see where it goes. Unfortunately, I had not come prepared nor drunk, and I found myself in a professional setting. She was sitting in the TA lab, which is a glbum-walled room. When she came out, I tried to say hey to her, but it ended up being awkward. When I did say hi, she happened to be doing something work-related, and I was lost for words. What was I gonna say?
“What’s up? I like your hair, it’s very nice. Nah I wanted to say I like your bum, but I thought that was too forward, you know?”
So yeah work sucks, nothing interesting to talk about, no one wants to talk about work. So after she blew me off, I figured there wasn’t much I could do. I only saw her when she was working, and trying to approach her and talking conventionally wasn’t gonna work.
Later my friends came over and they tried cheering me up. We started watching youtube videos, and with every video the volume went up. We watched the music video of “What’s My Age Again?” by blink-182 where the guys are running on the streets naked, messing with people and knocking things down. This video really made me feel better for some reason, maybe because running down the streets naked makes my awkward moment with Ashley seem very insignificant in comparison. Also I gotta say it’s something I would want to do on Tech campus. Imagine running down the Skiles walkway naked and grabbing the fliers out of those annoying people and throwing it all in the air.
I guess that really started getting me in the mood for something outlandish and immature. At this point, she was sitting in the TA lab, helping some of her students with a few of the other TAs. Like making people uncomfortable if you run around nude, I felt obligated to do similar things to the people around the commons area. As you would guess, most CS people there are just sitting by themselves doing schoolwork. I had to do something that would really distract these people.
I turned my laptop to max volume, which gets pretty loud, especially in this relatively quiet place, and put on this video of the Blow Job Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5gSq5QIxmE
If you watched the video, the first minute where Mark and Tom are talking to one another about oral sex, really started getting some heads turned. Then as the song started, I, without thinking, impulsively took my laptop with the song playing on max volume, ran into the glbum room where Ashley and the other people were. I started singing along, even imitating Tom Delonge’s whiny voice. I didn’t see that there were a bunch of extra chairs in the room and that they were in my way. I started losing my balance, almost dropping my computer, knocked over a bunch of the chairs and the trashcan on my way out. They closed and locked the door after I left.
I thought the song was great, very artistic. The way the bbum and guitar flowed together with the simple, yet clever lyrics. Ok so the song was “It would be nice to have a blow job” repeated eight times. But that shouldn’t take out any of the ingenuity behind the song. At least it really nails the meaning behind the song.
Everyone outside could see the whole thing since the walls are glbum. My friends were dumbfounded that they just witnessed all that and thought it was hilarious. I don’t know about the other people outside that saw it, but one of the TAs for some other clbum congratulated me. You see the TA lab used to be for TAs of all CS clbumes, but this semester each clbum got its own room and 1315 got the old TA lab. So I guess I did something good for the TAs who got kicked out of the lab this semester.
Later one of the other 1315 TAs came out of the lab and I greeted him. He tried to ignore me but was grinning and you could tell he found what I did pretty amusing. When I left to go to my next clbum, I knocked on the window-wall to get Ashley’s attention. She looked up, gave me a look of disdain, and went back to her work. I guess she did not find it amusing.
So the difference is drinkability. I told a bunch of people what I did, some found it hilarious, others immature and distasteful. By now half of the college of computing probably have heard the story. I’ll admit it was something I wouldn’t have done if I even took a second to think over what I was about to do. But honestly, the way I see it, the bad introduction earlier ruined any chance I had. You know girls and their whole if you don’t introduce yourself smoothly, it shows lack of confidence blah blah blah… Plus there really wasn’t much around to help me, this was not some frat party or a bar or a rock concert, this was the College of Computing at Georgia Tech. I figured I had to spice up the situation; doing nothing wouldn’t have accomplished anything. At least now, next time I see her, we got a pretty interesting topic to talk about, if she doesn’t get a restraining order on me first. But like Tucker Max would say, if she can’t take a joke, then **** her.
One final note: Today, I noticed they had taken out everything in the TA lab. I don’t know if they’re just renovating or did they request a new location for 1315 after what I did. If so, I think all the other clbumes’ TAs owe me lunch.
UPDATE: Two days after this happened I was talking with some of the other 1315 TAs and asking if they heard about what had happened (and if there was a TA named Ashley, so I could use the name). One of them looked like Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls before all the drugs and rehab. No offense to any of the other CS clbumes’ TAs; I’ve probably not seen all of you, but why does 1315 (a clbum that I cannot take) get all the good looking ones? I mean seriously, Ashley looked like Tara Reid and now I get Lindsay Lohan? Once they finish cleaning up the TA lab, they’ll all be back in there and as I’ve learned, there won’t be any good way to approach them. Well only two more months til I turn 21 and can go to bars… and the first thing I’ll ask for will probably end up being a Bud Light.sugarcult edited this message on 01/31/2010 12:56AM
|Posted On: 01/31/2010 12:05AM||View sugarcult's Profile | #|
|Posted On: 01/31/2010 12:09AM||View megazeroexe's Profile | #|
That’s a lot of words that I will probably regret reading, so I’ll just skip over that, avoid this whole process, and not read them.
|Posted On: 01/31/2010 12:21AM||View Melanin-Enhanced...'s Profile | #|
Please post the Cliff Notes version of your story so I can see if I’m interested in reading the full version.
|Posted On: 01/31/2010 12:48AM||View MC Banhammer's Profile | #|
i actually read it all
i want my 2 minutes back
i would spend that time i regained on more productive things
like taking a huge poop :/
|Posted On: 01/31/2010 1:02AM||View Something_Witty's Profile | #|
Wait, you’re serious?
Log in to see images! Anansi edited this message on 01/31/2010 1:48AM
|Posted On: 01/31/2010 1:45AM||View Anansi's Profile | #|
anansi the spider
|Posted On: 01/31/2010 3:54AM||View TUBSWEETIE's Profile | #|
Extremely shortened version: sugarcult is a mbumive nerd who wastes people’s time recounting his tiresome and juvenile attempts at “courtship.” Protip: Girls are not interested in songs about oral sex.
|Posted On: 02/05/2010 6:30AM||View AngstyDirtyDream...'s Profile | #|