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SO, this is pretty much what it's all about | |||||||
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Well. Where do I begin? I guess I should start with a quick background. Basically I have been diagnosed OCD with Hallucinations, and Major Depressive while spending time in the US Army. 2 Years ago I spent the month of April in the psych ward, and lied to get out. Month of May I was a wreck. Then spent the month of June back in the psych ward. I have been put on 5 medications since. Ativan, Clonidine, Luvox, Trazodone, and Zeldox. I consume about 15 pills a day. And I hate taking the medication. Recently I stopped taking all the medication except the Zeldox, which is my antipsychotic. I am grateful that I am no longer suffering through hallucinations. But my depression has gotten worse, my cutting has gotten worse and I can barely sleep.
So I am at a point now, where I don’t want to continue living. Suicide has been a thought process of mine everyday for the last 7 years. For the past 7 years I have been numb, and faked emotion so others wouldn’t worry about me. I am tired of living a lie. Every day I wake up, and say to myself “Another day of hell”. I am numb to emotion, I feel nothing as the day progresses. I am tired of feeling this way. Suicide to me is a logical concept, and I will complete it on September 1st.
I have spoken with my Therapist and Psychiatrists and they know how I am. Yet they can only see me in September. Oh well. I don’t except anyone to care. I have noone that does care. My family doesn’t care. I hate interacting on a daily basis with them. I often joke that when I do kill myself they probably won’t notice for like a week or so… of course if it were my brother who killed himself, they’d probably die from grief.
Anyway I just wanted to get that out there. Not like I have anyone to tell this to that I trust. I don’t even know why I bother waiting until September 1st, what is the difference between tonight and then? I came close today, had the knife to my throat, but decided to cut my arm instead. Yay me! I look at my body and I look hideous, I say **** it. What is the point in living? Everyday is painful. |
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Posted On: 08/03/2009 8:05AM | View Dr Death's Profile | # | ||||||
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ololololol Log in to see images!
Green porno!
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Posted On: 08/03/2009 8:10AM | View Fortunato's Profile | # | ||||||
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A+
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Posted On: 08/03/2009 8:12AM | View Nicco's Profile | # | ||||||
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Fortunato Posted:
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Posted On: 08/03/2009 8:12AM | View Somebody's Profile | # | ||||||
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What the **** you guys I open myself up to you so maybe you see why I do what I do around here, and all you can do is laugh at me? This is serious. I am serious. The internet is serious and I can’t be serious enough right now. I just want to be accepted… you wait- September 1st is fast approaching. You’ll all feel bad when my blood is on your hands. |
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Posted On: 08/03/2009 8:26AM | View Dr Death's Profile | # | ||||||
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Posted On: 08/03/2009 8:29AM | View Somebody's Profile | # | ||||||
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LOL Celerysteve is a psycho lolololol
Log in to see images! Fingerz edited this message on 08/03/2009 8:47AM Log in to see images! Log in to see images! |
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Posted On: 08/03/2009 8:30AM | View Fingerz's Profile | # | ||||||
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i dunno about you guys but i am pumping it up Log in to see images!
Green porno!
Log in to see images! |
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Posted On: 08/03/2009 8:33AM | View Fortunato's Profile | # | ||||||
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plus ur gf is a gelitinous pig! Log in to see images! |
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Posted On: 08/03/2009 9:29AM | View 1337xxxxxxxxxlol...'s Profile | # | ||||||
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AIDS CUNT edited this message on 04/28/2010 12:00PM
I'M A SIG-DISABLING COCKMONGLER
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Posted On: 08/03/2009 9:57AM | AIDS woman's genitals | # | ||||||
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ragingwincesthardon Posted: Log in to see images! Log in to see images! |
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Posted On: 08/03/2009 10:44AM | View Fingerz's Profile | # | ||||||
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ragingwincesthardon Posted:
obsessed
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Posted On: 08/03/2009 11:03AM | View Nicco's Profile | # | ||||||
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Fingerz Posted:
Log in to see images! Log in to see images!
Green porno!
Log in to see images! |
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Posted On: 08/03/2009 11:50AM | View Fortunato's Profile | # | ||||||
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now htiant’s somethin idd buy forr a dooler. |
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Posted On: 08/03/2009 12:32PM | View ChilePepino's Profile | # | ||||||
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Amazing thread, would read again. Log in to see images! Log in to see images! |
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Posted On: 08/03/2009 12:40PM | View Master_Troll's Profile | # | ||||||
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tl;dr Dysnomia Posted: |
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Posted On: 08/03/2009 1:23PM | View Skyman747's Profile | # | ||||||
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oh. andd. —————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————— |
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Posted On: 08/03/2009 1:38PM | View ChilePepino's Profile | # | ||||||
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ChilePepino Posted:
Log in to see images!
Log in to see images! |
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Posted On: 08/03/2009 2:11PM | View Nicco's Profile | # | ||||||
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Is Celerysteve dead yet? Or is he still waiting for September first? Log in to see images! Log in to see images! |
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Posted On: 08/18/2009 10:50PM | View Fingerz's Profile | # | ||||||
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tl. dr. |
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Posted On: 08/19/2009 2:38AM | View Inertia's Profile | # | ||||||