ugh edwards just missunderstood u guys really dont get it. like if u like a girl and you can teleport ANYWHERE duh youd follow her but thats normal. geez get a life trolls, its peole like you guys that make the world messd up. and btw i think he eats her out in second movie thats MESSED UP. he needs to write her a poem.

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Twilight_(book)

Funny only because it’s true.

wtf is this **** poste it in anon your not alloud in thsi part of forums

reTARDIS Posted:

Everyone in this book is a pedo, and that pretty much sums it up.

And that’s why we love it.

NO U

Quoting from Uncyclopedia…

Twilight is a 434 page long waste of ink and paper, bound in black, with a picture of an apple on the front (oooh, I wonder what that symbolises, you Mormon cultist). It makes excellent firewood, but be careful, accidental conact with the content of the book can result in contraction of the deadly Twilight Virus (see below).

Twilight has no plot. It is merely a sequence of events that don’t culminate in anything and then something else happens for no actual reason but merely because SM decided it should happen to make the book interesting.

The sequence of events goes like this:

There is a totally plain and ordinary girl named Stephenie Meyer *cough* I mean Mary Sue *cough* I mean Bella Swan. She moves to a miserable town named after a utensil to live with her dad, because of some incomprehensible reason, after all, she doesn’t want to go, and no one is making her go, but she goes anyway. Wait, what?

There she goes to school and is instantly popular and loved, and all of the guys fall in love with her on sight. In one clbum she sits next to this TOTALLY HAWT GUY named Edward Cullen, who acts like a real male reproductive organ to her (which makes her be obsessed with him), and then he leaves for a week. But when he comes back he’s really nice and stuff and they be smart together in clbum. Then, in the carpark, a van skids on black ice and comes STRAIGHT FOR BELLA!!!1 *gasp*. Then follows some ridiculous, difficult to understand sentences and then suddenly Edward is in front of Bella pushing the van away with his bare hands *shock*! The guy in the van is bleeding from the head but noobody cares about him they only care about BEAUTIFUL BELLA SWAN!

Then Bella goes to a larger town to go shopping and somehow nearly gets raped by some sandal wearing thugs. But then Edward turns up out of nowhere and saves her, and on the drive home he confesses to her that he’s a VAMPIRE!!1 (like we didn’t know that already, it says it on the back cover, morons).

Some other stuff happens, like Bella gets introduced to Edward’s family, which are VEGETARIAN vampires, which means they ONLY EAT ANIMALS. That logic’s a bit twisted, if you ask me. Also, being ‘vegetarian somehow changes the color of their eyes, and also they don’t burn in the sun, they *sparkle*

Then the vampires play baseball but some other vampires show up and want to eat Bella so everyone runs away, but teh evil vamp manages to lure Bella away because she’s an idiot, and tries to kill her, but Edward comes and saves the day.

Then they live happily ever after until the next book, which is equally as stupid as the first.

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SPECIAL DELIVERY, fabulous person

Princezz_Undies Posted:

Because you are a pedo?:/

hey! what’s wrong with pedophiles?

Get ready. I’m about to break the heart of several million zillion preteens.

-Edward is a total complete sexist loser who doesn’t seem to fathom that in the REAL WORLD, high school girls are illegal for him.

-Where are the character’s personalities? Stereotypes would fit here, but it’s just…

1-Someone who’s a perfect perfect gentleman with no flaws-Edward

2-A blank, idiotic new girl who’s clumsy and has no sense, and for some reason more than two guys want to have meaningful relationships with her for no good reason.

3-So, if I act like a klutzy dork, then guys will fawn over me? Psh, if that’s how it works, then I’m going to learn how to reproduce by spores.

4- It’s not deep. He likes her because she smells good, she likes him because he’s hot.

5-It’s not a vampire and a werewolf. It’s a pixie and a shapeshifter.

6-Vampires regard humans as food. A vampire(even a pixie one) falling in love with a human would be like a man falling in love with his calf. We all went through the Furry Farm mission, didn’t we?

7-So, why are people after her? Because she smells good? Well, I smell like sweet pea right now and no pixies are attacking me, are they?

8-Every preteen and their mother want to marry this guy.

The only halfway decent thing about this movie is the background music. I’ll give it that. I could go on, but I think I’m going to get enough hatemail from little girls.

Try Dracula. Try Van Helsing. Castlevania even. Hellsing!

6-

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