Yes, this is a complete rip-off of a Something Awful bit from back in the day. But that was seven years ago, and it’s time for an update!

I’ll get us started with “****es Ain’t ****,” by Dr. Andre Romelle Young.

“Dishonorable, unpleasant women are naught but prostitutes and the very individuals who patronize said prostitutes. I command you to stroke my testicles with your tongue; I implore you to perform fellatio upon me. Immediately after you have fulfilled these imperatives, I intend to vacate the premises and enter my motor vehicle. This in order to promptly execute a business transaction which is most likely unlawful in nature.”

“As a matter of fact, I am indubitably the person known as Slim Shady. To reiterate my point, I will once again emphasize that I am the one and only genuine Shady. Everybody else saying that they are Slim Shady are nothing short of pretenders; and as such, they should simply be ignored, and very much so. Just to get my point across, I am now going to ask if the person claiming to be the true identity of Slim Shady to kindly get on their feet, get on their feet, get on their feet.”

When my peers and bumociates happen to catch a glimpse at my automobile,

they are overcome with a feeling of contemptuous scorn, almost to the point of loathing.

On account of this, they are checking more so than usual, to find out if I am riding in my vehicle with controlled substances

riding in my vehicle with controlled substances

riding in my vehicle with controlled substances

riding in my vehicle with controlled substances

riding in my vehicle with controlled substances

The audio system in my jalopy is superb, and I feel it necessary to utilize its full potential,

under which cirgreat timesstances, I am apt to get into the groove of the ongoing symphony

My neighbors, however, are still under the impression that they will be capable of apprehending me when I’m riding in my vehicle with controlled substances

riding in my vehicle with controlled substances

riding in my vehicle with controlled substances

riding in my vehicle with controlled substances

riding in my vehicle with controlled substances.

EDIT:

503 Service Unavailable

No server is available to handle this request.

Made me double poast.

You are currently listening to the lyrical artist, considered to be so talented that he might fornicate with your mother, as a general statement.

Increase the volume in my headphones, if you could, please.

Timothy, you can allow the burden you posses to metaphorically slide from your person

I understand, yes

If you feel as though you posses the mentality of like a wealthy flesh peddler black friend, allow the burden you posses to metaphorically slide from your person

Females may feel as though they posses the mentality of a wealthy flesh peddler s too, allow the burden you posses to metaphorically slide from your person

Black men can act out of standard baby, don’t forget that boy told you

Disregard, that, Metaphorical Burden!

I’m likely in debt to all of you, proud to be locked by the force

I work hard to earn money, I enjoy things that match aesthetically with my automobile

I do not feel remorse, I feel as if I had to do this in retaliation

I make obscene hand gestures to officers of the law, my black friend, I grab my testicles

Many females harbor feelings for me, as they cheer from their respective positions

Many men also hold me in high regard, and wish to emulate me

Other artists, on the other hand, dislike my popularity, and view me as a threat.

Men who were raised in a similar atmosphere to myself, enjoy my success, seeing it as their victory as well

I did not possess this much fame at the beginning, but now my artistic talent is rated highly

My Black friend, my fans love me in both London England, and in the country of Japan

My advice is to metaphorically emulate a “running back”, a position on a football team, and head directly for the goal that you seek to achieve

That’s what I did, African American friend, Because, I have very influential friends.

If you feel as though you posses the mentality of like a wealthy flesh peddler black friend, allow the burden you posses to metaphorically slide from your person

Females may feel as though they posses the mentality of a wealthy flesh peddler s too, allow the burden you posses to metaphorically slide from your person

Black men can act out of standard baby, don’t forget that boy told you

Disregard, that, Metaphorical Burden!

You must Disregard, that, Metaphorical Burden!

You must Disregard, that, Metaphorical Burden!

You must Disregard, that, Metaphorical Burden!

You must Disregard, that, Metaphorical Burden!