Great to be here at Antietam, great to be here.

I haven’t seen this many dead Americans since the Trail of Tears!

How about this Civil War, huh? What’s so civil about it?

Here’s a hint: it’s probably NOT the enjoy

How did Mary Todd Lincoln lose an eye?

Abe was standing next to her, saw one of his negress slaves, got a boner, the boner burst through his pants and lodged in Mary Todd’s left eye, Abe panics, tries to get his male reproductive organ out of his wife’s eye, but the head of it is caught on her skull, he tries to lift it up and out, but ends up popping Mary Todd’s eye out, Abe ejaculates, slips on his own semen, grabs on to Mary Todd’s optic nerve to try to catch himself, and ends ripping the eye completely out and the White House is filled with screams!

Talk about an emancipation!

But seriously, this is a war about something, everyone has their reason for joining up.

And that reason is $125 and all the morphine and gangrene you can carry in your veins!

I know a lot of you are worried about losing your slaves as a result of all this war stuff, but let me tell you something:

Nobody’s ever going to free the Irish!

I hear if the south wins there’s going to be a slave in every house and and a father’s male reproductive organ in every daughter!

Of course, if the North wins we’ll become the United States of Africa!

But seriously, these could be good days for the darkies if the North wins. Soon, they might get to have a trial before being indiscriminately hung!

And I do mean hung. I mean, jesus, Mandingo, you must have to **** cannons with a disability like that.

You keep that away from white women, now.

Seriously.

For your own safety.

Just remember folks, it doesn’t matter if you’re Northern or Southern. All that matters is we’re not red skins or mexicans or jews.
The Unknown Comic edited this message on 02/20/2009 12:49AM