Today is Super Bowl 43 Cardinal’s vs. Steeler’s! Catch it!

You know, we call it football, but the rest of the world calls it soccer and what we know as soccer is actually sodomy!

In a few hours there will be one clear winner. Early prediction: It won’t be the battered of wives of drunken very special football fans!

Some people only watch the Super Bowl for the commercials. Look, if you want to gawk like the ****ing short-attention span twit you are at something totally without any purpose except to sell a ****ty product that won’t make you cooler or sexier or more popular or nourish you or do anything other than give you the privilege of putting more of your quickly disappearing money in the hands of…what the **** was I talking about?

I almost got a Super Bowl ring once. I found it inside my wife’s woman's genitals after the 1972 Miami Dolphins came over for a visit! I was going to keep it but it smelled just like my wife’s woman's genitals. And who wants a ring that smells like fine upstanding member of society male reproductive organ?

Aside from John Madden of course!

Did you know that the winner of the Super Bowl always predicts changes in the Israel-Palestine conflict? Every year the Super Bowl has a winner means thousands more dead in Gaza!

I made my special Super Super Bowl Bowl of Football Chili Bean Dipsy-Doodle Dip. It’s specialy because it’s in a bowl shaped like a football! And because it’s full of small razor blades!

You know no matter who wins the Super Bowl, there’ll be another one next year and this doesn’t matter. This is just another meaningless notch in the argument of one team’s superiority to another. That’s why I don’t like football and I focus my energy on religion!

Steeler’s vs. Cardinals! CATCH IT!

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Steamers vs. Crandals CATCH IT!

Ben Roethlisberger crashed his motorcycle a few years back. Decades ago, Bob Dylan crashed his motorcycle. When will the similarities between these two end?!

ALTERNATE VERSION: Ben Roethlisberger crashed his motorcycle a few years back. Decades ago, Bob Dylan crashed his motorcycle. I wonder what Bob Dylan was doing driving Ben Roethlisberger’s motorcycle?!

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I had tickets for this year’s Super Bowl. I’m not going. I don’t even know why I sucked Bruce Springsteen’s male reproductive organ to get them…oh that’s right, it was my birthday!

A lot of people say football is a lot like life. It’s true. Both are only tolerable when you’re drunk!

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I played football in high school.

Did I say football I meant arson.

It doesn’t matter though, I still got a scholarship for it!

You know how else football is a lot like life? fine upstanding member of societys will practically kill themselves to make some money!

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Steagles vs. Coltdinals CATCH IT!

My money is on the Cleveland Browns.