Once before a console dreary, while I programmed, weak and weary,

Over many a curious program which did TECO’s buffer fill, —

While I pondered, nearly sleeping, suddenly there came a feeping,

As of something gently beeping, beeping with my console’s bell.

”’Tis my DDT,” I muttered, “feeping on my console’s bell:

Once it feeped, and now is still.”

Ah, distinctly I remember that dark night in bleak December,

And each separate glowing symbol danced before me, bright and chill.

Eagerly I wished the morrow; vainly I had sought to borrow

From my HACTRN aid for sorrow — sorrow for the bugs which fill —

For the strange unknown and nameless bugs which ever all my programs fill —

Bugs which now I searched for still.

And the coughing, whirring, gritty fan I heard inside my TTY

Made me with fantastic terrors never known before to thrill;

So that now, to still the beating of my heart I stood repeating,

”’Tis some interrupt entreating DDT to signal me —

Some strange interrupt entreating DDT to signal me —

Its importance surely nil.”

Presently my soul grew stronger: hesitating then no longer

I decided that I would respond to this strange program’s call;

TECO, which I then attended, to my soul more strength extended;

With ^Z I ascended, going to my DDT —

<esc><esc>V I typed, and answered soon my DDT — TECO there, and that was all!

Dumbly at my console peering, as I sat there, wondering, fearing,

Doubting now that any interrupt was ever there to call;

But the silence was unbroken, and my HACTRN gave no token,

And the only sound there spoken from my TTY’s whirring fan —

The low and rough and distant sound came from my TTY’s whirring fan —

TECO there, and that was all.

Back into my TECO going, with my pounding heart now slowing,

Soon again I heard a feeping, somewhat louder than before.

“Surely,” said I, “surely this is some strange bug of RMS’s

Which an interrupt professes, though I have no other job;

Let me then ask DDT if it thinks there’s another job —

‘Tis a bug, and nothing more!”

Again I went up to my HACTRN while cold shivers up my back ran

<esc><esc>V I typed, my jobs now once more to display.

Only TECO was there listed; though my trembling heart resisted

Yet I willed my hand, insisted, <esc>J to quickly type —

To answer this bold query DDT did hesitantly type

A ghostly “FOOBAR J”

From <esc><esc>V protected, now, this phantom job, selected

Gave no clue to why it had invoked that former beeping shrill.

“Though,” I said, “you’re no inferior, I shall act as your superior

And examine your interior, this strange matter to explore.”

Then I typed a 0/ this matter further to explore —

Quoth the HACTRN, ”:KILL”.

Much I worried — this outrageous bug might prove to be contagious,

Though thus far it had not seemed to do my TECO any ill:

For we cannot help concurring such a bug would cause a stirring,

Feeping on a console whirring, disappearing then from sight —

An evanescent mystery subjob disappearing then from sight

With no clue but ”:KILL”!

But my HACTRN, swapping, running, gave no further sign of cunning

By this unknown phantom, which was in a thirty second sleep;

None of this I comprehended; to my TECO I descended,

And in terror I pretended that the bug had gone away —

I pretended that for good the mystery bug had gone away —

When my console gave a feep.

Now I quickly, hoping, praying, started up a PEEK displaying

All the the jobs and subjobs there which did the system fill:

What I found was quite unpleasant, for there was no FOOBAR present:

Only TECO was there present, underneath my DDT;

I quit the PEEK, and “FOOBAR<esc>J” typed out my DDT —

Then quoth the HACTRN, ”:KILL”.

But — this FOOBAR now beguiling all my sad soul into smiling —

I tightly grinned, determined that this glitch should cause nobody ill;

Now, into my armchair sinking, I betook myself to linking

Fancy unto fancy, thinking why this unknown phantom job —

Why this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and unknown phantom job

Feeped and did a ”:KILL”.

This I sat engaged in guessing, but conceived no thought expressing

How a phantom job could sound those strange and ghostly beeps;

This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining,

With the symbols coldly shining at me from the CRT,

With the bright, sharp symbols coldly shining on the CRT —

Which suddenly gave seven feeps!

Then methought the air grew denser, filled with clouds which grew immenser,

As when under darkened daylight thick and stormy weather brews;

With some bit of hesitation stemming from my trepidation

Again I typed that incantation finding out how much I’d lose —

<esc><esc>V I typed again to find how much I’d lose —

TECO there, and seven FOOs!

“Job!” said I, “with ghostly manner! — subjob still, if LISP or PLANNER!

Whether accident, or feeping as another hacker wills!

Tell me now why I am losing, why my HACTRN you’re abusing,

Which no doubt is of your choosing: echo truly on my screen!”

Then DDT as if in answer echoed quickly on my screen,

Typing seven ”:KILLs”.

“Job!” said I, “with ghostly manner! — subjob still, if LISP or PLANNER!

By the ITS above us which the DSKDMP doth fulfill,

I shall be the system’s saviour: I shall mend your crude behaviour,

I shall halt your strange behaviour, and thee from the system lock!”

Madly, wildly laughing I made DDT invoke a LOCK,

And quickly typed thereat — “5KILL”!

“Be this now our sign of parting, phantom job!” I shrieked, upstarting,

As my HACTRN now informed me ITS was going down in 5:00.

“You have run your last instruction and performed your final function!”

But, refuting this deduction HACTRN then my TTY grabbed —

To type out yet another message HACTRN now my TTY grabbed —

Quoth the HACTRN, “ITS REVIVED!”

And the FOOBAR, never sleeping, still is beeping, still is beeping

On the glaring console out from which I cannot even log!

And other happenings yet stranger indicate inherent danger

When bugs too easily derange or mung the programs of machines;

When programs too “intelligent” start taking over the machines:

Is this the end of AutoProg?