i will write you a collection of sonnets which will not only be published, but will top Oprah’s bookclub for nearly 7 months. it will be titled “wielder of the colossus” and feature a photo of you with john holmes male reproductive organ shopped onto your crotch.

i will masturbate to the thought of your kneecap everyday.

i will become the first man to woman sexchange operation recipient capable of childbirth and will bare you 7 beautiful children, each named after a main character from the original power rangers tv series.

i will make the voices stop.

i will help you save christmas whilst zany hijinks ensue.

i will kill everyone you hate, learn the black arts, resurrect them, then allow you the satisfaction of killing them yourself.

i’ll make you feel young again.

i won’t ever fill your harddrive with kiddy porn and contact the fbi

i won’t tell them about what you’ve already got either.

i’ll show you the joy that only a mother may know.

i’ll stop hitting on your sister.

oh, and i’ll give you links to watch bootleg movies — http://www.megavideo.com/?v=WHBXBZYD

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Kilroy8675309 Posted:

Let me explain exactly how these eight brownie points will be spent:

Seven of these brownie points will go to buying me Episode II, in which I shall ascend to the highest level of power within a single week, due to my awesomeness and general unfabulous personry. Using this power, I shall absorb my character’s stats and BECOME the uber-Troll. My new powers will then go to taking over the ForumWarz forums, making me the ruler of the site. I shall proceed to eliminate all fabulous personry from the site and replace all avatars with various pictures of my male reproductive organ. The sheer sexiness of these pictures will attract the most beautiful woman in the world to my door, a woman by the name of Ivana Shlokovitz. Of course she’s Swiss. This woman and I shall have wild, pbumionate, crazy monkey-sex, and, when it’s convenient in both of our lives, she shall bear my children; twins, as it were, a boy and a girl. The strapping lad shall go by the name of Roland, while his beautiful sister will be named Camille. At the age of five, Roland will attempt to kill his sister, but she will overpower him and gain a taste for blood as she strangles him with her thighs. She will become the world’s greatest bumbumin by the time she is 12, and by eighteen, she will have surpbumed her mother’s beauty, though of course Ivana is still second in the world. At this time, the ancient seal inscribed in Camille’s corneas will glow red, and she shall read the words that are her true life’s mission: “Go find Capn Fever, and give him the greatest sex he has ever received in his life. Do it for as long as he wishes, and watch out f” There was going to be more, but I ran out of room on her corneas. No matter; that situation probably won’t come up anyway. Being the world’s greatest (and sexiest, don’t forget,) trained bumbumin, she will easily discover your location, even though I only gave her a username that was relevant twenty years ago. She will sneak into your house at night and ravage you, and be at your beck and call forevermore, to kill, ****, or both.

And the last BP I’m gonna go throw in a pool and then say, “Look, someone pooed in the pool!” and everyone’ll cry.

(but I want pix)

THANK YOU ALL FOR PARTICIPATING. I will hold more contests in the near future just because all of you guys are so ****ing awesome, you know that? Log in to see images!

SHENANIGANS!!!!!

SHENANIGANS!!!!!

SHENANIGANS!!!!!