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Ban Me 2 BP if I bust a nut (NSFW)

Johnny Mac

Avatar: 37704 2011-07-31 00:49:39 -0400
35

[Full of SbumSS]

Level 35 Troll

hot horse great times lover

I certainly will, officer!

And away he would go.

Maybe something like that had already happened and he just didn’t know about it. Maybe his imaginary cop’s actual counterpart or counterparts had visited Annie while he was doped out. God knew he spent enough time doped out. More thought convinced him it was unlikely. He wasn’t Joe Blow from Kokomo, just some transient blowing through. He had been in People (first best-seller) and Us (first divorce); there had been a question about him one Sunday in Walter Scott’s Personality Parade. There would have been rechecks, maybe by phone, probably by the cops themselves. When a celebrity – even a quasi-celebrity like a writer disappeared, the heat came on.

You’re only guessing, man.

Maybe guessing, maybe deducing. Either way it was better than just lying here and doing nothing.

What about guardrails?

He tried to remember and couldn’t. He could only remember reaching for his cigarettes, then the amazing way the ground and the sky had switched places, then darkness. But again, deduction (or educated guesswork, if you wanted to be snotty) made it easier to believe there had been none. Smashed guardrails and snapped guywires would have alerted roadcrews.

So what exactly had happened?

He had lost control at a place where there wasn’t much of a drop, that was what – just enough grade to allow the car to flip over in space. If the drop had been steeper, there would have been guardrails. If the drop had been steeper, Annie Wilkes would have found it difficult or impossible to get to him, let alone drag him back to the road by herself.

So where was his car? Buried in the snow, of course.

Paul put his arm over his eyes and saw a town plow coming up the road where he has crashed only two hours earlier. The plow is a dim orange blob in the driving snow near the end of this day. The man driving is bundled to the eyes; on his head he wears an old-fashioned trainman’s cap of blue-and-white pillowtick. To his right, at the bottom of a shallow slope which will, not far from here, deepen into a more typical upcountry gorge, lies Paul Sheldon’s Camaro, with the faded blue HART FOR PRESIDENT sticker on the rear bumper just about the brightest thing down there. The guy driving the plow doesn’t see the car; bumper sticker is too faded to catch his eye. The wing-plows block most of his side-vision, and besides, it’s almost dark and he’s beat. He just wants to finish this last run so he can turn the plow over to his relief and get a hot cup of joe.

He sweeps past, the plow spurning cloudy snow into the gully. The Camaro, already drifted to the windows, is now buried to the roof-line. Later, in the deepest part of a stormy twilight when even the things directly in front of you look unreal, the second-shift man drives by, headed in the opposite direction, and entombs it.

Paul opened his eyes and looked at the plaster ceiling. There was a fine series of hairline cracks up there that seemed to make a trio of interlocked W’s. He had become very familiar with them over the endless run of days he had lain here since coming out of the cloud, and now he traced them again, idly thinking of w words such as wicked and wretched and witchlike and wriggling.

Yes.

Could have been that way. Could have been.

Had she thought of what might happen when his car was found?

She might have. She was nuts, but being nuts didn’t make her stupid.

Yet it had never crossed her mind that he might have a duplicate of Fast Cars.

Yeah. And she was right. The **** was right. I didn’t.

Images of the blackened pages floating up, the flames, the sounds, the smell of the uncreation – he gritted his teeth against the images and tried to shut his mind away from them; vivid was not always good.

No, you didn’t, but nine out of ten writers would have – at least they would if they were getting paid as much as you have been for even the non-Misery books. She never even thought of it.

She’s not a writer.

Neither is she stupid, as I think we have both agreed. I think that she is filled with herself – she does not just have a large ego but one which is positively grandiose. Burning it seemed to her the proper thing to do, and the idea that her concept of the proper thing to do might be short-circuited by something so piddling as a bank Xerox machine and a couple of rolls of quarters . . . that blip just never crossed her screen, my friend.

His other deductions might be like houses built on quicksand, but this view of Annie Wilkes seemed to him as solid as the Rock of Gibraltar. Because of his researches for Misery, he had rather more than a layman’s understanding of neurosis and psychosis, and he knew that although a borderline psychotic might have alternating periods of deep depression and almost aggressive cheerfulness and hilarity, the puffed and infected ego underlay all, positive that all eyes were upon him or her, positive that he or she was staffing in a great drama; the outcome was a thing for which untold millions waited with held breath.

Such an ego simply forbade certain lines of thought. These lines were predictable because they all stretched in the same direction: from the unstable person to objects, situations, or other persons outside of the subject’s field of control (or fantasy: to the neurotic there might be some difference but to the psychotic they were one and the same).

Annie Wilkes had wanted Fast Cars destroyed, and so, to her, there had been only the one copy.

Maybe I could have saved the damn thing by telling her there were more. She would have seen destroying the mbumcript was futile. She – His breathing, which had been slowing toward sleep, suddenly caught in his throat and his eyes widened.

Yes, she would have seen it was futile. She would have been forced to acknowledge one of those lines leading to a place beyond her control. The ego would be hurt, squealing – I have such a temper!

If she had been clearly faced with the fact that she couldn’t destroy his “dirty book”, might she not have decided to destroy the creator of the dirty book instead? After all, there was no copy of Paul Sheldon.

His heart was beating fast. In the other room the clock began to bong, and overhead he heard her thumping footfalls cross his ceiling. The faint sound of her urinating. The toilet flushing. The heavy pad of her feet as she went back to bed. The creak of the springs.

You won’t make me mad again, will you?

His mind suddenly tried to break into a gallop, an overbred trotter trying to break stride. What, if anything, did all this dime-store psychoanalysis mean in terms of his car? About when it was found? What did it mean to him?

“Wait a minute,” he whispered in the dark. “Wait a minute, wait a minute, just hold the phone. Slow down.” He put his arm across his eyes again and again conjured up the state trooper with the dark sunglbumes and the overlong sideburns. We’ve found an overturned car halfway down Humbuggy Mountain, the state trooper was saying, and blah-de-blah-de-blah.

Only this time Annie doesn’t invite him to stay for coffee. This time she isn’t going to feel safe until he’s out of her house and far down the road. Even in the kitchen, even with two closed doors between them and the guest-room, even with the guest doped to the ears, the trooper might hear a groan.

If his car was found, Annie Wilkes would know she was in trouble, wouldn’t she?

“Yes,” Paul whispered. His legs were beginning to hurt again, but in the dawning horror of this recognition he barely noticed.

She would be in trouble not because she had taken him to her house, especially if it was closer than Sidewinder (and so Paul believed it to be); for that they would probably give her a medal and a lifetime membership in the Misery Chastain Fan Club (to Paul’s endless chagrin there actually was such a thing). The problem was, she had taken him to her house and installed him in the guest-room and told no one. No phone-call to the local ambulance service: “This is Annie up on the Humbuggy Mountain Road and I’ve got a fellow here, looks a bit like King Kong used him for a trampoline.” The problem was, she had filled him full of dope to which she was certainly not supposed to have access – not if he was even half as hooked as he thought he was. The problem was, she had followed the dope with a weird sort of treatment, sticking needles in his arms, splinting his legs with sawed-off pieces of aluminum crutches. The problem was, Annie Wilkes had been on the stand up there in Denver . . . and not as a supporting witness, either, Paul thought. I’d bet the house and lot on that.

So she watches the cop go down the road in his spandy-clean cruiser (spandy-clean except for the caked chunks of snow and salt nestled in the wheel-wells and under the bumpers, that is), and she feels safe again . . . but not too safe, because now she is like an animal with its wind up.

Way, way up.

The cops will look and look and look, because he is not just good old Joe Blow from Kokomo; he is Paul Sheldon, the literary Zeus from whose brow sprang Misery Chastain, darling of the dump-bins and sweetheart of the supermarkets. Maybe when they don’t find him they’ll stop looking, or at least look someplace else, but maybe one of the Roydmans saw her going by that night and saw something funny in the back of Old Bessie, something wrapped in a quilt, something vaguely manlike. Even if they hadn’t seen a thing, she wouldn’t put it past the Roydmans to make up a story to get her in trouble; they didn’t like her.

The cops might come back, and next time her house-guest might not be so quiet.

He remembered her eyes darting around aimlessly when the fire in the barbecue pot was on the verge of getting out of control. He could see her tongue sticking her lips. He could see her walking back and forth, hands clenching and unclenching, peeking every now and then into the guest-room where he lay lost in his cloud. Every now and then she would utter “Goodness!” to the empty rooms.

She had stolen a rare bird with beautiful feathers – a rare bird which came from Africa.

And what would they do if they found out?

Why, put her up on the stand again, of course. Put her up on the stand again in Denver. And this time she might not walk free.

He took his arm away from his eyes. He looked at the interlocking W’s swaying drunkenly across the ceiling. He didn’t need his elbow over his eyes to see the rest. She might hang on to him for a day or a week. It might take a follow-up phone-call or visit to make her decide to get rid of her rara avis. But in the end she would do it, just as wild dogs begin to bury their illicit kills after they have been hunted awhile.

She would give him five pills instead of two, or perhaps smother him with a pillow; perhaps she would simply shoot him. Surely there was a rifle around somewhere – almost everyone living in the high country had one – and that would take care of the problem.

No – not the gun.

Too messy.

Might leave evidence.

None of that had happened yet because no one had found the car. They might be looking for him in New York or in L.A., but no one was looking for him in Sidewinder, Colorado.

But in the spring.

The W’s straggled across the ceiling. Washed. Wiped. Wasted.

The throbbing in his legs was more insistent; the next time the clock bonged she would come, but he was almost afraid she would read his thoughts on his face, like the bare premise of a story too gruesome to write. His eyes drifted left. There was a calendar on the wall. It showed a boy riding a sled down a hill. It was February according to the calendar, but if his calculations were right it was already early March. Annie Wilkes had just forgotten to turn the page.

How long before the melting snows revealed his Camaro with its New York plates and its registration in the glove compartment proclaiming the owner to be Paul Sheldon? How long before that trooper called on her, or until she read it in the paper? How long until the spring melt?

Six weeks? Five?

That could be the length of my life, Paul thought, and began shuddering. By then his legs were fully awake, and it was not until she had come in and given him another dose of medicine that he was able to fall asleep.

The next evening she brought him the Royal. It was an e model from an era when such things as electric typewriters, color TVs, and touch-tone telephones were only science fiction. It was as black and as proper as a pair of high-bumon shoes. Glbum panels were set into the sides, revealing the machine’s levers, springs, ratchets, and rods. A steel return lever, dull with disuse, jutted to one side like a hitchhiker’s thumb. The roller was dusty, its hard rubber scarred and pitted. The letters ROYAL ran across the front of the machine in a semicircle. Grunting, she set it down on the foot of the bed between his legs after holding it up for his inspection for a moment.

He stared at it.

Was it grinning?

Christ, it looked like it was.

Anyway, it already looked like trouble. The ribbon was a faded two-tone, red over black. He had forgotten there were such ribbons. The sight of this one called up no pleasant nostalgia.

“Well?” She was smiling eagerly. “What do you think?”

“It’s nice!” he said at once. “A real antique.” Her smile clouded. “I didn’t buy it for an antique. I bought it for second-hand. Good second-hand.” He responded with immediate glibness. “Hey! There ain’t no such thing as an antique typewriter – not when you come right down to it. A good typewriter lasts damn near forever. These old office babies are tanks!” If he could have reached it he would have patted it. If he could have reached it he would have kissed it.

Her smile returned. His heartbeat slowed a little.

“I got it at Used News. Isn’t that a silly name for a store? But Nancy Dartmonger, the lady who runs it, is a silly woman.” Annie darkened a little, but he saw at once that she was not darkening at him – the survival instinct, he was discovering, might be only instinct in itself, but it created some really amazing shortcuts to empathy. He found himself becoming more attuned to her moods, her cycles; he listened to her tick as if she were a wounded clock.

“As well as silly, she’s bad. Dartmonger! Her name ought to be Whoremonger. Divorced twice and now she’s living with a bartender. That’s why when you said it was an antique – ”

“It looks fine,” he said.

She paused a long moment and then said, as if confessing: “It has a missing n.”

“Does it?”

“Yes – see?” She tilted the typewriter up so he could peer at the banked semicircle of keys and see the missing striker like a missing molar in a mouthful of teeth worn but otherwise complete.

“I see.” She set it back down. The bed rocked a little. Paul guessed the typewriter might weigh as much as fifty pounds. It had come from a time when there were no alloys, no plastics . . . also no six-figure book advances, no movie tie-in editions, no USA Today, no Entertainment Tonight, no celebrities doing ads for credit cards or vodka.

The Royal grinned at him, promising trouble.

“She wanted forty-five dollars but gave me five Because of the missing n.” She offered him a crafty smile. No fool she, it said.

He smiled back. The tide was in. That made both smiling and lying easy. “Gave it to you? You mean you didn’t male reproductive organer?” Annie preened a little. “I told her n was an important letter,” she allowed.

“Well good for you! Damn!” Here was a new discovery. Sycophancy was easy once you got the hang of it.

Her smile grew sly, inviting him to share a delicious secret.

“I told her n was one of the letters in my favorite writer’s name.”

“It’s two of the letters in my favorite nurse’s name.” Her smile became a glow. Incredibly, a blush rose in her solid cheeks. That’s what it would look like, he thought, if you built a furnace inside the mouth of one of those idols in the H. Rider Haggard stories. That is what it would look like at night.

“You fooler!” she simpered.

Johnny Mac

Avatar: 37704 2011-07-31 00:49:39 -0400
35

[Full of SbumSS]

Level 35 Troll

hot horse great times lover

“I’m not!” he said. “Not at all.”

“Well!” She looked off for a moment, not blank but just pleased, a little flustered, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. Paul could have taken some pleasure in the way this was going if not for the weight of the typewriter, as solid as the woman and also damaged; it sat there grinning with its missing tooth, promising trouble.

“The wheelchair was much more expensive,” she said. “Ostomy supplies have gone right out of sight since I -” She broke off, frowned, cleared her throat. Then she looked back at him, smiling. “But it’s time you began sitting up, and I don’t begrudge the cost one tiny bit. And of course you can’t type lying down, can you?”

“No . . . ”

“I’ve got a board . . . I cut it to size . . . and paper . . . wait!” She dashed from the room like a girl, leaving Paul and the typewriter to regard each other. His grin disappeared the moment her back was turned. The Royal’s never varied. He supposed later that he had pretty well known what all this was about, just as he supposed he had known what the typewriter would sound like, how it would clack through its grin like that old comic-strip character Ducky Daddles.

She came back with a package of Corrasable Bond in shrink-wrap and a board about three feet wide by four feet long.

“Look!” She put the board on the arms of the wheelchair that stood by his bed like some solemn skeletal visitor. Already he could see the ghost of himself behind that board, pent in like a prisoner.

She put the typewriter on the board, facing the ghost, and put the package of Corrasable Bond – the paper he hated most in all the world because of the way the type blurred when the pages were shuffled together – beside it. She had now created a kind of cripple’s study.

“What do you think?”

“It looks good,” he said, uttering the biggest lie of his life with perfect ease, and then asked the question to which he already knew the answer. “What will I write there, do you think?”

“Oh, but Paul” she said, turning to him, her eyes dancing animatedly in her flushed face. “I don’t think, I know! You’re going to use this typewriter to write a new novel! Your best novel! Misery’s Return!”

Misery’s Return. He felt nothing at all. He supposed a man who had just cut his hand off in a power saw might feel this same species of nothing as he stood regarding his spouting wrist with dull surprise.

“Yes!” Her face shone like a searchlight. Her powerful hands were clasped between her breasts. “It will be a book just for me, Paul! My payment for nursing you back to health! The one and only copy of the newest Misery book! I’ll have something no one else in the world has, no matter how much they might want it! Think of it!”

“Annie, Misery is dead.” But already, incredibly, he was thinking, I could bring her back. The thought filled him with tired revulsion but no real surprise. After all, a man who could drink from a floor-bucket should be capable of a little directed writing.

“No she’s not,” Annie replied dreamily. “Even when I was . . . when I was so mad at you, I knew she wasn’t really dead. I knew you couldn’t really kill her. Because you’re good.”

“Am I?” he said, and looked at the typewriter. It grinned at him. We’re going to find out just how good you are, old buddy, it whispered.

“Yes!”

“Annie, I don’t know if I can sit in that wheelchair. Last time – ”

“Last time it hurt, you bet it did. And it will hurt next time, too. Maybe even a little more. But there will come a day – and it won’t be long, either, although it may seem longer to you than it really is – when it hurts a little less. And a little less. And a little less.”

“Annie, will you tell me one thing?”

“Of course, dear!”

“If I write this story for you – ”

“Novel! A nice big one like all the others – maybe even bigger!” He closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them. “Okay – if I write this novel for you, will you let me go when it’s done?” For a moment unease slipped cloudily across her face, and then she was looking at him carefully, studiously. “You speak as though I were keeping you prisoner, Paul.” He said nothing, only looked at her.

“I think that by the time you finish, you should be up to the . . . up to the strain of meeting people again,” she said.

“Is that what you want to hear?”

“That’s what I wanted to hear, yes.”

“Well, honestly! I knew writers were supposed to have big egos, but I guess I didn’t understand that meant ingratitude, too!” He went on looking at her and after a moment she looked away, impatient and a little flustered.

At last he said: “I’ll need all the Misery books, if you’ve got them, because I don’t have my concordance.”

“Of course I have them!” she said. Then: “What’s a concordance?”

“It’s a loose-leaf binder where I have all my Misery stuff,” he said. “Characters and places, mostly, but cross-indexed three or four different ways. Time-lines. Historical stuff . . . ” He saw she was barely listening. This was the second time she’d shown not the slightest interest in a trick of the trade that would have held a clbum of would-be writers spellbound. The reason, he thought, was simplicity itself. Annie Wilkes was the perfect audience, a woman who loved stories without having the slightest interest in the mechanics of making them. She was the embodiment of that Victorian archetype, Constant Reader. She did not want to hear about his concordance and indices because to her Misery and the characters surrounding her were perfectly real. Indices meant nothing to her. If he had spoken of a village census in Little Dunthorpe, she might have shown some interest.

“I’ll make sure you get the books. They’re a little dog-eared, but that’s a sign a book has been well read and well loved, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” he said. No need to lie this time. “Yes it is.

“I’m going to study up on book-binding,” she said dreamily. “I’m going to bind Misery’s Return myself. Except for my mother’s Bible, it will be the only real book I own.”

“That’s good,” he said, just to say something. He was feeling a little sick to his stomach.

I’ll go out now so you can put on your thinking cap,” she said. “This is exciting! Don’t you think so?”

“Yes, Annie. I sure do.”

“I’ll be in with some breast of chicken and mashed potatoes and peas for you in half an hour. Even a little Jell-O because you’ve been such a good boy. And I’ll make sure you get your pain medication right on time. You can even have an extra pill in the night if you need it. I want to make sure you get your sleep, because you have to go back to work tomorrow. You’ll mend faster when you’re working, I’ll bet!” She went to the door, paused there for a moment, and then, grotesquely, blew him a kiss.

The door closed behind her. He did not want to look at the typewriter and for awhile resisted, but at last his eyes rolled helplessly toward it. It sat on the bureau, grinning. Looking at it was a little like looking at an instrument of torture – boot, rack, strappado – which is standing inactive, but only for the moment.

I think that by the time you finish, you should be . . . up to the strain of meeting people again.

Ah, Annie, you were lying to both of us. I knew it, and you did, too. I saw it in your eyes.

The limited vista now opening before him wag extremely unpleasant: six weeks of life which he would spend suffering with his broken bones and renewing his acquaintance with Misery Chastain, nee Carmichael, followed by a hasty interment in the back yard. Or perhaps she would feed his remains to Misery the pig – that would have a certain justice, black and gruesome though it might be.

Then don’t do it. Make her mad. She’s like a walking bottle of nitroglycerine as it is. Bounce her around a little. Make her explode. Better than lying here suffering.

He tried looking up at the interlocked W’s, but all too soon he was looking at the typewriter again. It stood atop the bureau, mute and thick and full of words he did not want to write, grinning with its one missing tooth.

I don’t think you believe that, old buddy. I think you want to stay alive even if it does hurt. If it means bringing Misery back for an encore, you’ll do it. You’ll try, anyway – but first you are going to have to deal with me . . . and I don’t think I like your face.

“Makes us even,” Paul croaked.

This time he tried looking out the window, where fresh snow was falling. Soon enough, however, he was looking at the typewriter again with avid repulsed fascination, not even aware of just when his gaze had shifted.

Getting into the chair didn’t hurt as much as he had feared, and that was good, because previous experience had shown him that he would hurt plenty afterward.

She set the tray of food down on the bureau, then rolled the wheelchair over to the bed. She helped him to sit up – there was a dull, thudding flare of pain in his pelvic area but it subsided – and then she leaned over, the side of her neck pressing against his shoulder like the neck of a horse. For an instant he could feel the thump of her pulse, and his face twisted in revulsion. Then her right arm was firmly around his back, her left under his bumocks.

“Try not to move from the knees down while I do this,” she said, and then simply slid him into the chair. She did it with the ease of a woman sliding a book into an empty slot in her bookcase. Yes, she was strong. Even in good shape the outcome of a fight between him and Annie would have been in doubt. As he was now it would be like Wally Cox taking on Boom Boom Mancini.

She put the board in front of him, “See how well it fits?” she said, and went to the bureau to get the food.

“Annie?”

“Yes.”

“I wonder if you could turn that typewriter around. So it faces the wall.” She frowned. “Why in the world would you want me to do that?” Because I don’t want it grinning at me all night.

“Old superstition of mine,” he said. “I always turn my typewriter to the wall before I start writing.” He paused and added: “Every night while I am writing, as a matter of fact.”

“It’s like step on a crack, break your mother’s back,” she said. “I never step on a crack if I can help it.” She turned it around so it grinned at nothing but blank wall. “Better?”

“Much.”

“You are such a silly,” she said, and came over and began to feed him.

He dreamed of Annie Wilkes in the court of some fabulous Arabian caliph, conjuring imps and genies from bottles and then flying around the court on a magic carpet. When the carpet banked past him (her hair streamed out behind her; her eyes were as bright and flinty as the eyes of a sea-captain navigating among icebergs), he saw it was woven all in green and white; it made a Colorado license plate.

Once upon a time, Annie was calling. Once upon a time it came to pbum. This happened in the days when my grandfather’s grandfather was a boy. This is the story of how a poor boy. I heard this from a man who. Once upon a time. Once upon a time.

When he woke up Annie was shaking him and bright morning sun was slanting in the window – the snow had ended.

“Wake up, sleepyhead!” Annie was almost trilling. “I’ve got yogurt and a nice boiled egg for you, and then it will be time for you to begin.” He looked at her eager face and felt a strange new emotion – hope. He had dreamed that Annie Wilkes was Scheherazade, her solid body clad in diaphanous robes, her big feet stuffed into pink sequined slippers with curly toes as she rode on her magic carpet and chanted the incantatory phrases which open the doors of the best stories. But of course it wasn’t Annie that was Scheherazade. He was. And if what he wrote was good enough, if she could not bear to kill him until she discovered how it all came out no matter how much or how loudly her animal instincts yelled for her to do it, that she must do it . . .

Might he not have a chance?

He looked past her and saw she had turned the typewriter around before waking him; it grinned resplendently at him with its missing tooth, telling him it was all right to hope and noble to strive, but in the end it was doom alone which would count.

She rolled him over to the window so the sun fell on him for the first time in weeks, and it seemed to him he could feel his pasty-white skin, dotted here and there with minor bedsores, murmur its pleasure and thanks. The windowpanes were edged on the inside with a tracery of frost, and when he held out his hand he could feel a bubble of cold like a dome around the window. The feel of it was both refreshing and somehow nostalgic, like a note from an old friend.

For the first time in weeks – it felt like years – he was able to look at a geography different from that of his room with its unchanging verities – blue wallpaper, picture of the Arc de Triomphe, the long, long month of February symbolized by the boy sliding downhill on his sled (he thought that his mind would turn to that boy’s face and stocking cap each time January became February, even if he lived to see that change of months another fifty times). He looked into this new world as eagerly as he had watched his first movie Bambi – as a child.

The horizon was near; it always was in the Rockies, where longer views of the world were inevitably cut off by uptilted plates of bedrock. The sky was a perfect early-morning blue, innocent of clouds. A carpet of green forest climbed the flank of the nearest mountain. There were perhaps seventy acres of open ground between the house and the edge of the forest – the snow-cover over it was a perfect and blazing white. It was impossible to tell if the land beneath was tilled earth or open meadow. The view of this open square was interrupted by only one building: a neat red barn. When she spoke of her livestock or when he saw her trudging grimly past his window, breaking her breath with the impervious prow of her face, he had imagined a ramshackle outbuilding like an illustration from a child’s book of ghost stories – rooftree bowed and sagging from years of snowweight, windows blank and dusty, some broken and blocked with pieces of cardboard, long double doors perhaps off their tracks and swaying outward. This neat and tidy structure with its dark-red paint and neat cream-colored trim looked like the five-car garage of a well-to-do country squire masquerading as a barn. In front of it stood a jeep Cherokee, maybe five years old but obviously well cared for. To one side stood a Fisher plow in a home-made wooden cradle. To attach the plow to the Jeep, she would only need to drive the Jeep carefully up to the cradle so that the hooks on the frame matched the catches on the plow, and throw the locking lever on the dashboard. The perfect vehicle for a woman who lived alone and had no neighbor she could call upon for help (except for those dirty-birdie Roydmans, of course, and Annie probably wouldn’t take a plate of pork chops from them if she was dying of starvation). The driveway was neatly plowed, a testament to the fact that she did indeed use the blade, but he could not see the road – the house cut off the view.

“I see you’re admiring my barn, Paul.” He looked around, startled. The quick and uncalculated movement awoke his pain from its doze. It snarled dully in what remained of his shins and in the bunched salt-dome that had replaced his left knee. It turned over, needling him from where it lay imprisoned in its cave of bones, and then fell lightly asleep again.

She had food on a tray. Soft food, invalid food . . . but his stomach growled at the sight of it. As she crossed to him he saw that she was wearing white shoes with crepe soles.

“Yes,” he said. “It’s very handsome.” She put the board on the arms of the wheelchair and then put the tray on the board. She pulled a chair over beside him and sat down, watching him as he began to eat.

“Fiddle-de-foof! Handsome is as handsome does, my mother always said. I keep it nice because if I didn’t, the neighbors would yap. They are always looking for a way to get at me, or start a rumor about me. So I keep everything nice. Keeping up appearances is very, very important. As far as the barn goes, it really isn’t much work, as long as you don’t let things pile up. Keeping the snow from breaking in the roof is the oogiest part.” The oogiest part, he thought. Save that one for the Annie Wilkes lexicon in your memoirs – if you ever get a chance to write your memoirs, that is. Along with dirty birdie and fiddle-de-foof and all the others which I’m sure will come up in time.

“Two years ago I had Billy Haversham put heat-tapes in the roof. You throw a switch and they get hot and melt the ice. I won’t need them much longer this winter, though see how it’s melting on its own?” He had a forkful of egg halfway to his mouth. It stopped in midair as he looked out at the barn. There was a row of icicles along the cave. The tips of these icicles were dripping – dripping fast. Each drop sparkled as it fell onto a narrow canal of ice which lay at the base of the barn’s side.

“It’s up to forty-five degrees and it’s not even nine o’clock!” Annie was going on gaily as Paul imagined the rear bumper of his Camaro surfacing through the rotted snow for the sun to twinkle on. “Of course it won’t last – we’ve got a hard snap or three ahead of us yet, and probably another big storm as well – but spring is coming, Paul, and my mother always used to say that the hope of spring is like the hope of heaven.” He put his fork back down on the plate with the egg still on it.

“Don’t want that last bite? All done?”

“All done,” he agreed, and in his mind he saw the Roydmans driving up from Sidewinder, saw a bright arrow of light strike Mrs Roydman’s face, making her wince and put a shielding hand up – What’s down there, Ham? . . . Don’t tell me I’m crazy, there’s something down there! Reflection damn near burned m’eye out! Back up, I want to take another look.

“Then I’ll just take the tray,” she said, “and you can get started.” She favored him with a glance that was very warm. “I just can’t tell you how excited I am, Paul.” She went out, leaving him to sit in the wheelchair and look at the water running from the icicles which clung to the edge of the barn.

“I’d like some different paper, if you could get it,” he said when she came back to put the typewriter and paper on the board.

“Different from this?” she asked, tapping the cellophane-wrapped package of Corrasable Bond. “But this is the most expensive of all! I asked when I went into the Paper Patch!”

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you that the most expensive is not always the best?” Annie’s brow darkened. Her initial defensiveness had been replaced by indignation. Paul guessed her fury would follow.

“No, she did not. What she told me, Mister Smart Guy, is that when you buy cheap, you get cheap.” The climate inside her, he had come to discover, was like springtime in the Midwest. She was a woman full of tornadoes waiting to happen, and if he had been a farmer observing a sky which looked the way Annie’s face looked right now, he would have at once gone to collect his family and herd them into the storm cellar. Her brow was too white. Her nostrils flared regularly, like the nostrils of an animal scenting fire. Her hands had begun to spring limberly open and then snatch closed again, catching air and squashing it.

arbitrayer

Avatar: arbitrayer's Avatar

Level 18 Troll

“Li'l Hellraiser”

ITT johnny mac is a gigantic fabulous person/ a giant boner kill

Johnny Mac

Avatar: 37704 2011-07-31 00:49:39 -0400
35

[Full of SbumSS]

Level 35 Troll

hot horse great times lover

His need for her and his vulnerability to her screamed at him to back off, to placate her while there was still time if indeed there still was – as a tribe in one of -those Rider Haggard stories would have placated their goddess when she was angry, by making sacrifice to her effigy.

But there was another part of him, more calculating and less cowed, which reminded him that he could not play the part of Scheherazade if he grew frightened and placatory whenever she stormed. If he did, she would storm all the more. If you didn’t have something she badly wants, this part of him reasoned, she would have taken you to the hospital right away or killed you later on to protect herself from the Roydmans – because for Annie the world is full of Roydmans, for Annie they’re lurking behind every bush. And if you don’t bell this **** right now, Paulie my boy, you may never be able to.

She was beginning to breathe more rapidly, almost to hyperventilate; the rhythm of her clenching hands was likewise speeding up, and he knew that in a moment she would be beyond him.

Gathering up the little courage he had left, trying desperately to summon exactly the right note of sharp and yet almost casual irritability, he said: “And you might as well stop that. Getting mad won’t change a thing.” She froze as if he had slapped her and looked at him, wounded.

“Annie,” he said patiently, “this is no big deal.”

“It’s a trick,” she said. “You don’t want to write my book and so you’re making up tricks not to start. I knew you would. Oh boy. But it’s not going to work. It – ”

“That’s silly,” he said. “Did I say I wasn’t going to start?”

“No . . . no, but – ”

“That’s right. Because I am. And if you come here and take a look at something, I’ll show you what the problem is. Bring that Webster Pot with you, please.”

“The what?”

“Little jar of pens and pencils, ” he said. “On newspapers, they sometimes call them Webster Pots. After Daniel Webster.” This was a lie he had made up on the spur of the moment, but it had the desired effect – she looked more confused than ever, lost in a specialists” world of which she had not the slightest knowledge. The confusion had diffused (and thus defused) her rage even more; he saw she now didn’t even know if she had any right to be angry.

She brought over the jar of pens and pencils and slammed them down on the board and he thought: Goddam! I won No – that wasn’t right. Misery had won.

But that isn’t right, either. It was Scheherazade. Scheherazade won.

“What?” she said grumpily.

“Watch.” He opened the package of Corrasable and took out a sheet He took a freshly sharpened pencil and drew a fine on the paper. Then he took a ballpoint pen and drew another line parallel to the first. Then he slid his thumb across the slightly waffled surface of the paper. Both lines blurred smudgily in the direction his thumb was travelling, the pencil-line slightly more than the one he had drawn with the pen.

“See?”

“So what?”

“Ribbon-ink will blur, too,” he said. “It doesn’t blur a much as that pencil-line, but it’s worse than the ballpoint-ink line.”

“Were you going to sit and rub every page with your thumb?”

“Just the shift of the pages against each other will accomplish plenty of blurring over a period of weeks or ever days,” he said, “and when a mbumcript is in work, it get shifted around a lot. You’re always hunting back through to find a name or a date. My God, Annie, one of the first thing you find out in this business is that editors hate reading mbumcripts typed on Corrasable Bond almost as much a they hate hand-written mbumcripts.”

“Don’t call it that. I hate it when you call it that.” He looked at her, honestly puzzled. “Call what what?”

“When you pervert the talent God gave you by calling it a business. I hate that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You ought to be,” she said stonily. “You might as well call yourself a whore.” No, Annie, he thought, suddenly filled with fury. I’m no whore. Fast Cars was about not being a whore. That’s what killing that goddamned **** Misery was about, now that I think about it. I was driving to the West Coast to celebrate my liberation from a state of whoredom. What you did was to pull me out of the wreck when I crashed my car and stick me back in the crib again. Two dollar straight up, four dollar I take you around the world. And every now and then I see a flicker in your eyes that tells me a part of you way back inside knows it too. A jury might let you off by reason of insanity, but not me, Annie. Not this kid.

“A good point,” he said. “Now, going back to the subject of the paper – ”

“I’ll get you your male reproductive organadoodie paper,” she said sullenly. “Just tell me what to get and I’ll get it.”

“As long as you understand I’m on your side – ”

“Don’t make me laugh. No one has been on my side since my mother died twenty years ago.”

“Believe what you want, then,” he said. “If you’re so insecure you can’t believe I’m grateful to you for saving my life, that’s your problem.” He was watching her shrewdly, and again saw a flicker of uncertainty, of wanting to believe, in her eyes. Good. Very good. He looked at her with all the sincerity he could muster, and again in his mind he imagined shoving a chunk of glbum into her throat, once and forever letting out the blood that serviced her crazy brain.

“At least you should be able to believe that I am on the book’s side. You spoke of binding it. I bumume that you meant binding the mbumcript? The typed pages?”

“Of course that’s what I meant.” Yes, you bet. Because if you took the mbumcript to a printer, it might raise questions. You may be naive about the world of books and publishing, but not that naive. Paul Sheldon is missing, and your printer might remember receiving a book-length mbumcript concerning itself with Paul Sheldon’s most famous character right around the time the man himself disappeared, mightn’t he? And he’d certainly remember the instructions – instructions so fabulous person any printer would remember them. One printed copy of a novel-length mbumcript.

Just one.

“What did she look like, officer? Well, she was a big woman. Looked sort of like a stone idol in a H. Rider Haggard story. Just a minute, I’ve got her name and address here in the files . . . Just let me look up the carbons of the invoices . . . ”

“Nothing wrong with the idea, either,” he said. “A bound mbumcript can be damned handsome. Looks like a good folio edition. But a book should last a long time, Annie, and if I write this one on Corrasable, you’re going to have nothing but a bunch of blank papers in ten years or so. Unless, of course, you just put it on the shelf.” But she wouldn’t want that, would she? Christ, no. She’d want to take it down every day, maybe every few hours. Take it down and gloat over it.

An odd stony look had come onto her face. He did not like this mulishness, this almost ostentatious look of obduracy. It made him nervous. He could calculate her rage, but there was something in this new expression which was as opaque as it was childish.

“You don’t have to talk anymore,” she said. “I already told you I’ll get you your paper. What kind?”

“In this business-supply store you go to – ”

“The Paper Patch.”

“Yes, the Paper Patch. You tell them you’d like two reams – a ream is a package of five hundred sheets – ”

“I know that. I’m not stupid, Paul.”

“I know you’re not,” he said, becoming more nervous still. The pain had begun to mutter up and down his legs again, and it was speaking even more -loudly from the area of his pelvis – he had been sitting up for nearly an hour, and the dislocation down there was complaining about it.

Keep cool, for God’s sake – don’t lose everything you’ve gained!

But have I gained anything? Or is it only wishful thinking?

“Ask for two reams of white long-grain mimeo. Hammermill Bond is a good brand; so is Triad Modem. Two reams of mimeo will cost less than this one package of Corrasable, and it should be enough to do the whole job, write and rewrite.”

“I’ll go right now,” she said, getting up suddenly.

He looked at her, alarmed, understanding that she meant to leave him without his medication again, and sitting up this time, as well. Sitting already hurt; the pain would be monstrous by the time she got back, even if she hurried.

“You don’t have to do that,” he said, speaking fast. “The Corrasable is good enough to start with – after all, I’ll have to rewrite anyway – ”

“Only a silly person would try to start a good work with a bad tool.” She took the package of Corrasable Bond, then snatched the sheet with the two smudged lines and crumpled it into a ball. She tossed both into the wastebasket and turned back to him. That stony, obdurate look covered her face like a mask. Her eyes glittered like tarnished dimes.

“I’m going to town now,” she said. “I know you want to get started as soon as you can, since you’re on my side – ” she spoke these last words with intense, smoking sarcasm (and, Paul believed, more self-hate than she would ever know) “and so I’m not even going to take time to put you back in your bed.” She smiled, a pulling of the lips that was grotesquely puppet-like, and slipped to his side in her silent white nurse” shoes. Her fingers touched his hair. He flinched. He tried not to but couldn’t help it. Her dead-alive smile widened.

“Although I suspect we may have to put off the actual start of Misery’s Retum for a day . . . or two . . . perhaps even three. Yes, it may be as long as three days before you are able to sit up again. Because of the pain. Too bad. I had champagne chilling in the fridge. I’ll have to put it back in the shed.”

“Annie, really, I can start if you’ll just – ”

“No, Paul.” She moved to the door and then turned, looking at him with that stony face. Only her eyes, those tarnished dimes, were fully alive under the shelf of her brow. “There is one thought I would like to leave you with. You may think you can fool me, or trick me; I know I look slow and stupid. But I am not stupid, Paul, and I am not slow.” Suddenly her face broke apart. The stony obduracy shattered and what shone through was the countenance of an insanely angry child. For a moment Paul thought the extremity of his terror might kill him. Had he thought he had gained the upper hand? Had he? Could one possibly play Scheherazade when one’s captor was insane?

She rushed across the room at him, thick legs pumping, knees flexing, elbows chopping back and forth in the stale sickroom air like pistons. Her hair bounced and joggled around her face as it came loose from the bobby-pins that held it up. Now her pbumage was not silent; it was like the tread of Goliath striding into the Valley of Bones. The picture of the Arc de Triomphe cracked affrightedly on the wall.

“Geeeee-yahhh!” she screamed, and brought her fist down on the bunched salt-dome that had been Paul Sheldon’s left knee.

He threw his head back and howled, veins standing out in his neck and on his forehead. Pain burst out from his knee and shrouded him, whitely radiant, in the center of a nova.

She tore the typewriter off the board and slammed it down on the mantel, lifting its weight of dead metal as he might have lifted an empty cardboard box.

“So you just sit there,” she said, lips pulled back in that grinning rictus, “and you think about who is in charge here, and all the things I can do to hurt you if you behave badly or try to trick me. You sit there and you scream if you want to, because no one can hear you. No one stops here because they all know Annie Wilkes is crazy, they all know what she did, even if they did find me innocent.” She walked back to the door and turned again, and he screamed again when she did, in anticipation of another bull-like charge, and that made her grin more widely.

“I’ll tell you something else,” she said softly. “They think I got away with it, and they are right. Think about that, Paul, while I’m in town getting your male reproductive organadoodie paper.” She left, slamming the bedroom door hard enough to shake the house. Then there was the click of the lock.

He leaned back in the chair, shaking all over, trying not to shake because it hurt, not able to help it. Tears streamed down his cheeks. Again and again he saw her flying across the room, again and again he saw her bringing her fist down on the remains of his knee with all the force of an angry drunk hammering on an oak bar, again and again he was swallowed in that terrible blue-white nova of pain.

“Please, God, please,” he moaned as the Cherokee started outside with a bang and a roar. “Please, God, please – let me out of this or kill me . . . let me out of this or kill me.” The roar of the engine faded off down the road and God did neither and he was left with his tears and the pain, which was now fully awake and raving through his body.

He thought later that the world, in its unfailing perversity, would probably construe those things which he did next as acts of heroism. And he would probably let them – but in fact what he did was nothing more than a final staggering grab for self-preservation.

Dimly he seemed to hear some madly enthusiastic sportscaster – Howard Cosell or Warner Wolf or perhaps that all-time crazy Johnny Most – describing the scene, as if his effort to get at her drug supply before the pain killed him was some strange sporting event – a trial substitution for Monday Night Football, perhaps. What would you call a sport like that, anyway? Run for the Dope?

“I just cannot believe the guts this Sheldon kid is displaying today! the sportscaster in Paul Sheldon’s head was enthusing. “I don’t believe anyone in Annie Wilkes Stadium – or in the home viewing audience, for that matter – thought he had the sly-test chance of getting that wheelchair moving after the blow he took, but I believe . . . yes, it is! It’s moving! Let’s look at the replay!” Sweat ran down his forehead and stung his eyes. He licked a mixture of salt and tears off his lips. The shuddering would not stop. The pain was like the end of the world. He thought: There comes a point when the very discussion of pain becomes redundant. No one knows there is pain the size of this in the world. No one. It is like being possessed by demons.

It was only the thought of the pills, the Novril that she kept somewhere in the house, which got him moving. The locked bedroom door . . . the possibility the dope might not be in the downstairs bathroom as he had surmised but hidden somewhere . . . the chance she might come back and catch him . . . these things mattered not at all, these things were only shadows behind the pain. He would deal with each problem as it came up or he would die. That was all.

Moving caused the band of fire below his waist and in his legs to sink in deeper, cinching his legs like belts studded with hot, inward-pointing spikes. But the chair did move. Very slowly the chair began to move.

He had managed about four feet before realizing he was going to do nothing more useful than roll the wheelchair past the door and into the far comer unless he could turn it.

He grasped the right wheel, shuddering, (think of the pills, think of the relief of the pills) and bore down on it as hard as he could. Rubber squeaked minutely on the wooden floor, the cries of mice. He bore down, once strong and now flabby muscles quivering like jelly, lips peeling back from his gritted teeth, and the wheelchair slowly pivoted.

He grasped both wheels and got the chair moving again. This time he rolled five feet before stopping to straighten himself out. Once he’d done it, he grayed out.

He swam back to reality five minutes later, hearing the dim, goading voice of that sportscaster in his head: “He’s trying to get going again! I just cannot be-leeve the guts of this Sheldon kid!” The front of his mind only knew about the pain; it was the back that directed his eyes. He saw it near the door and rolled over to it. He reached down, but the tips of his fingers stopped a clear three inches short of the floor, where one of the two or three bobby-pins that had fallen from her hair as she charged him lay. He bit his lip, unaware of the sweat running down his face and neck and darkening his pajama shirt.

“I don’t think he can get that pin, folks – it’s been a fan-tas-tic effort, but I’m afraid this is where it all ends.” Well, maybe not.

He let himself slouch to the right in the wheelchair, at first trying to ignore the pain in his right side – pain that felt like an increasing bubble of pressure, something similar to a tooth impaction – and then giving way and screaming. As she said, there was no one to hear him anyway.

The tips of his fingers still hung an inch from the floor, brushing back and forth just above the bobby-pin, and his right hip really felt as if it might simply explode outward in a squirt of some vile white bone-jelly.

Oh God please please help me – He slumped farther in spite of the pain. His fingers brushed the pin but succeeded only in pushing it a quarter of an inch away. Paul slid down in the chair, still slumped to the right, and screamed again at the pain in his lower legs. His eyes were bulging, his mouth was open, his tongue straight down between his teeth like the pull on a window-shade. Little drops of spittle ran from its tip and spatted on the floor.

He pinched the bobby-pin between his fingers . . . tweezed it . . . almost lost it . . . and then it was locked in his fist.

Straightening up brought a fresh slough of pain, and when the act was accomplished he could do no more than sit and pant for awhile, his head tilted as far as the unc Compromising back of the wheelchair would allow, the bobby-pin lying on the board across the chair’s arms. For awhile he was quite sure he was going to puke, but that pbumed.

What are you doing? part of his mind scolded wearily after awhile. Are you waiting for the pain to go away? It won’t. She’s always quoting her mother, but your own mother had a few sayings, too, didn’t she?

Yes. She had.

ch0602

Avatar: 57164 Fri Oct 17 00:07:00 -0400 2008
1

Level 35 Camwhore

“Legs Wide Open”

run hypnotize.exe

target = Prison ****

action = great times onto screen

Johnny Mac

Avatar: 37704 2011-07-31 00:49:39 -0400
35

[Full of SbumSS]

Level 35 Troll

hot horse great times lover

Sitting there, head thrown back, face shiny with sweat, hair plastered to his forehead, Paul spoke one of them aloud now, almost as an incantation: “There may be fairies, there may be elves, but God helps those who help themselves.” Yeah. So stop waiting, Paulie – the only elf that’s going to show up here is that all-time heavyweight, Annie Wilkes.

He got moving again, rolling the wheelchair slowly across to the door. She had locked it, but he believed he might be able to unlock it. Tony Bonasaro, who was now only so many blackened flakes of ash, had been a car-thief. As part of his preparation for writing Fast Cars, Paul had studied the mechanics of car-thievery with a tough old ex-cop named Tom Twyford. Tom had shown him how to hot-wire an ignition, how to use the thin and limber strip of metal car-thieves called Slim Jims to yank the lock on a car door, how to short out a car burglar alarm.

Or, Tom had said on a spring day in New York some two and a half years ago, let’s say you don’t want to steal a car at all. You got a car, but you’re a little low on gas. You got a hose, but the car you pick for the free donation has got a locking gas-cap. Is this a problem? Not if you know what you’re doing, because most gas-cap locks are strictly Mickey Mouse. All you really need is a bobby-pin.

It took Paul five endless minutes of backing and filling to get the wheelchair exactly where he wanted it, with the left wheel almost touching the door.

The keyhole was the old-fashioned sort, reminding Paul of John Tenniel’s Alice in Wonderland drawings, set in the middle of a tarnished keyplate. He slid down a bit in the wheelchair – giving out a single barking groan – and looked through it. He could see a short hallway leading down to what was clearly the parlor: a dark-red rug on the floor, an old-fashioned divan upholstered in similar material, a lamp with tbumels hanging from its shade.

To his left, halfway down the hallway, was a door which stood ajar. Paul’s pulsebeat quickened. That was almost surely the downstairs bathroom – he had heard her running enough water in there (including the time she had filled the floor-bucket from which he had enthusiastically drunk), and wasn’t it also the place she always came from before giving him his medicine?

He thought it was.

He grasped the bobby-pin. It spilled out of his fingers onto the board and then skittered toward the edge.

“No!” he cried hoarsely, and clapped a hand over it just before it could fall. He clasped it in one fist and then grayed out again.

Although he had no way of telling for sure, he thought he was out longer this second time. The pain – except for the excruciating agony of his left knee – seemed to have abated a tiny bit. The bobby-pin was on the board across the arms of the wheelchair. This time he flexed the fingers of his right hand several times before picking it up.

Now, he thought, unbending it and holding it in his right hand. You will not shake. Hold that thought. YOU WILL NOT SHAKE.

He reached across his body with the pin and slipped it into the keyhole, listening as the sportscaster in his mind (so vivid!) described the action.

Sweat ran steadily down his face like oil. He listened . . . but even more, he felt.

The tumbler in a cheap lock is nothing but a rocker, Tom Twyford had said, seesawing his hand to demonstrate. You want to turn a rocking chair over? Easiest thing in the world, tight? Just grab the rockers and flip the mother right over . . . nothing to it. And that’s all you got to do with a lock like this. Slide the tumbler up and then open the gas-cap quick, before it can snap back.

He had the tumbler twice, but both times the bobby-pin slipped off and the tumbler snapped back before he could do more than begin to move it. The bobby-pin was starting to bend. He thought that it would break after another two or three tries.

“Please God,” he said, sliding it in again. “Please God, what do you say? Just a little break for the kid, that’s all I’m asking.” (“Folks, Sheldon has performed heroically today, but this has got to be his last shot. The crowd has fallen silent . . .”Log in to see images! He closed his eyes, the sportscaster’s voice fading as he listened avidly to the minute rattle of the pin in the lock. Now! Here was resistance! The tumbler! He could see it lying in there like the curved foot of a rocking chair, pressing the tongue of the lock, holding it in place, holding him in place.

It’s strictly Mickey Mouse, Paul. Just stay cool.

When you hurt this badly, it was hard to stay cool.

He grasped the doorknob with his left hand, reaching under his right arm to do it, and began to apply gentle pressure to the bobby-pin. A little more . . . a little more . . .

In his mind he could see the rocker beginning to move in its dusty little alcove; he could see the lock’s tongue begin to retract. No need for it to go all the way, good God, no – no need to overturn the rocking chair, to use Tom Twyford’s metaphor. Just the instant it cleared the doorframe – a push – The pin was simultaneously starting to bend and slip. He felt it happening, and in desperation he pushed upward as hard as he could, turned the knob, and shoved at the door. There was a snap as the pin broke in two, the part in the lock falling in, and he had a dull moment to consider his failure before he saw that the door was slowly swinging open with the tongue of the lock sticking out of the plate like a steel finger.

“Jesus,” he whispered. “Jesus, thank you.” Let’s go to the videotape! Warner Wolf screamed exultantly in his mind as the thousands in Annie Wilkes Stadium – not to mention the untold millions watching at home – broke into thunderous cheers.

“Not now, Warner,” he croaked, and began the long, draining job of backing and filling the wheelchair so he could get a straight shot at the door.

He had a bad – no, not just bad; terrible, horrible – moment when it seemed the wheelchair was not going to fit. It was no more than two inches too wide, but that was two inches too much. She brought it in collapsed, that’s why you thought it was a shopping cart at first, his mind informed him drearily.

In the end he was able to squeeze through – barely – by positioning himself squarely in the doorway and then leaning forward enough to grab the jambs of the door in his hands. The axle-caps of the wheels squalled against the wood, but he was able to get through.

After he did, he grayed out again.

He voice called him out of his daze. He opened his eyes and saw she was pointing a shotgun at him. Her eyes glittered furiously. Spit shone on her teeth.

“If you want your freedom so badly, Paul,” Annie said, “I’ll be happy to grant it to you.” She pulled back both hammers.

He jerked, expecting the shotgun blast. But she wasn’t there, of course; his mind had already recognized the dream.

Not a dream – a warning. She could come back anytime. Anytime at all.

The quality of the light fanning through the half-open bathroom door had changed, grown brighter. It looked like moonlight. He wished the clock would chime and tell him just how close to right he was, but the clock was obstinately silent.

She stayed away fifty hours before.

So she did. And she might stay away eighty this time. Or you might hear that Cherokee pulling in five seconds from now. In case you didn’t know it, friend, the Weather Bureau can post tornado warnings, but when it comes to telling exactly when and where they’ll touch down, they don’t know ****-all.

“True enough,” he said, and rolled the wheelchair down to the bathroom. Looking in, he saw an austere room floored with hexagonal white tiles. A bathtub with rusty fans spreading below the faucets stood on clawed feet. Beside it was a linen closet. Across from the tub was a sink. Over the sink was a medicine cabinet.

The floor-bucket was in the tub – he could see its plastic top.

The hall was wide enough for him to swing the chair around and face the door, but now his arms were trembling with exhaustion. He had been a puny kid and so he had tried to take reasonably good care of himself as an adult, but his muscles were now the muscles of an invalid and the puny kid was back, as if all that time spent doing laps and jogging and working out on the Nautilus machine had only been a dream.

At least this doorway was wider – not much, but enough to make his pbumage less hair-raising. Paul bumped over the lintel, and then the chair’s hard rubber wheels rolled smoothly over the tiles. He smelled something sour that he automatically bumociated with hospitals – Lysol, maybe. There was no toilet in here, but he had already suspected that – the only flushing sounds came from upstairs, and now that he thought of it, one of those upstairs flushes always followed his use of the bedpan. Here there was only the tub, the basin, and the linen closet with its door standing open.

He gazed briefly at the neat piles of blue towels and washcloths – he was familiar with both from the sponge-baths she had given him – and then turned his attention to the medicine cabinet over the washstand.

It was out of reach.

No matter how much he strained, it was a good nine inches above the tips of his fingers. He could see this but reached anyway, unable to believe Fate or God or Whoever could be so cruel. He looked like an outfielder reaching desperately for a home-run ball he had absolutely no chance of catching.

Paul made a wounded, baffled noise, lowered his hand, and then leaned back, panting. The gray cloud lowered. He willed it away and looked around for something he could use to open the medicine cabinet’s door and saw an O-Cedar mop leaning stiffly in the corner on a long blue pole.

You going to use that? Really? Well, I guess you could. Pry open the medicine cabinet door and then just knock a bunch of stuff out into the basin. But the bottles will break and even if there are no bottles, fat chance, everyone has at least a bottle of Listerine or Scope or something in their medicine cabinet, you have no way of putting back what you knock down. So when she comes back and sees the mess, what then?

“I’ll tell her it was Misery,” he croaked. “I’ll tell her she dropped by looking for a tonic to bring her back from the dead.” Then he burst into tears . . . but even through the tears his eyes were conning the room, looking for something, anything, inspiration, a break, just a ****ing br – He was looking into the linen closet again, and his rapid breath suddenly stopped. His eyes widened.

His first cursory glance had taken in the shelves with their stacks of folded sheets and pillow-cases and washcloths and towels. Now he looked at the floor and on the floor were a number of square cardboard cartons. Some were labelled UPJOHN. Some were labelled LILY. Some were labelled CAM PHARMACEUTICALS.

He turned the wheelchair roughly, hurting himself, not caring.

Please God don’t let it be her cache of extra shampoo or her tampons or pictures of her dear old sainted mother or – He fumbled for one of the boxes, dragged it out, and opened the flaps. No shampoo, no Avon samples. Far from it. There was a wild jumble of drugs in the carton, most of them in small boxes marked SAMPLES. At the bottom a few pills and capsules, different colors, rolled around loose. Some, like Motrim and Lopressor, the hypertension drug his father had taken during the last three years of his life, he knew. Others he had never heard of.

“Novril,” he muttered, raking wildly through the box while sweat ran down his face and his legs pounded and throbbed. “Novril, where’s the ****ing Novril?” No Novril. He pushed the flaps of the carton closed and shoved it back into the linen closet, making only a token effort to replace it in the same place it had been. Should be all right, the place looked like a goddam junk-heap – Leaning far to his left, he was able to snag a second carton. He opened it and was hardly able to credit what he was seeing.

Darvon. Darvocet. Darvon Compound. Morphose and Morphose Complex. Librium. Valium. And Novril. Dozens and dozens and dozens of sample boxes. Lovely boxes. Dear boxes. O lovely dear sainted boxes. He clawed one open and saw – the capsules she gave him every six hours, enclosed in their little blisters.

NOT TO BE DISPENSED WITHOUT PHYSICIAN’S PRESCRIPTION, the box said.

“Oh dear Jesus, the doctor is in!” Paul sobbed. He tore the cellophane apart with his teeth and chewed up three of the capsules, barely aware of the bruisingly bitter taste. He halted, stared at the five that were left encased in their mutilated cellophane sheet, and gobbled a fourth.

He looked around quickly, chin down on his breastbone, eyes crafty and frightened. Although he knew it was too soon to be feeling any relief, he did feel it – having the pills, it seemed, was even more important than taking the pills. It was as if he had been given control of the moon and the tides – or had just reached up and taken it. It was a huge thought, awesome . . . and yet also frightening, with undertones of guilt and blasphemy.

If she comes back now – “All right – okay. I get the message.” He looked into the carton, trying to calculate how many of the sample boxes he might be able to take without her realizing a little mouse named Paul Sheldon had been nibbling away at the supply.

He giggled at this, a shrill, relieved sound, and he realized the medication wasn’t just working on his legs. He had gotten his fix, if you wanted to be perfectly vulgar about it.

Get moving, idiot. You have no time to enjoy being stoned.

He took five of the boxes – a total of thirty capsules. He had to restrain himself from taking more. He stirred the remaining boxes and bottles around, hoping the result would look no more or less helter-skelter than it had when he first peered into the box. He refolded the flaps and slipped the box back into the linen closet.

A car was coming.

He straightened up, eyes wide. His hands dropped to the arms of the wheelchair and gripped them with panicky tightness. If it was Annie, he was screwed and that was the end of it. He would never be able to maneuver this balky, oversized thing back to the bedroom in time. Maybe he could whack her once with the O-Cedar mop or something before she wrung his neck like a chicken.

Johnny Mac

Avatar: 37704 2011-07-31 00:49:39 -0400
35

[Full of SbumSS]

Level 35 Troll

hot horse great times lover

He sat in the wheelchair with the sample boxes of Novril in his lap and his broken legs stuck stiffly out in front of him and waited for the car to pbum or turn in.

The sound swelled endlessly . . . then began to diminish.

Okay. Do you need a more graphic warning, Paul-baby?

As a matter of fact, he did not. He took a final glance at the cartons. They looked to him about as they had when he had first seen them – although he had been looking at them through a haze of pain and could not be completely sure but he knew that the piles of boxes might not be as random as they had looked, oh, not at all. She had the heightened awareness of the deep neurotic, and might have had the position of each box carefully memorized. She might take one casual glance in here and immediately realize in some arcane way what had happened. This knowledge did not bring fear but a sense of resignation – he had needed the medication, and he had somehow managed to escape his room and get it. If there were consequences, punishment, he could face them with at least the understanding that he could have done nothing but what he had done. And of all she had done to him, this resignation was surely a symptom of the worst – she had turned him into a pain-racked animal with no moral options at all.

He slowly backed the wheelchair across the bathroom, glancing behind himself occasionally to make sure he wasn’t wandering off-course. Before, such a movement would have made him scream with pain, but now the pain was disappearing under a beautiful glbuminess.

He rolled into the hall and then stopped as a terrible thought struck him: if the bathroom floor had been slightly damp, or even a bit dirty – He stared at it, and for a moment the idea that he must have left tracks on those clean white tiles was so persuasive that he actually saw them. He shook his head and looked again. No tracks. But the door was open farther than it had been. He rolled forward, swung the wheelchair slightly to the right so he could lean over and grab the knob, and pulled the door half-closed. He eyed it, then pulled it a bit closer to the jamb. There. That looked right.

He was reaching for the wheels, meaning to pivot the chair so he could roll back to his room, when he realized he was pointed more or less toward the living room, and the living room was where most people kept their telephone and – Light bursting in his mind like a flare over a foggy meadow.

“Hello, Sidewinder Police Station, Officer Humbuggy speaking.”

“Listen to me, Officer Humbuggy. Listen very carefully and don’t interrupt, because I don’t know how much time I have. My name is Paul Sheldon. I’m calling you from Annie Wilkes’s house. I’ve been her prisoner here for at least two weeks, maybe as long as a month. I – ”

“Annie Wilkes!”

“Get out here tight away. Send an ambulance. And for Christ’s sake get here before she gets back .

“Before she gets back,” Paul moaned. “Oh yeah ” Far out.” What makes you think she even has a phone? Who have you ever heard her call? Who would she call? Her good friends the Roydmans?

Just because she doesn’t have anyone to chatter with all day doesn’t mean she is incapable of understanding that accidents can happen; she could fall downstairs and break an arm or a leg, the barn might catch on fire – How many times have you heard this supposed telephone ring?

So now there’s a requirement? Your phone has to ring at least once a day or Mountain Bell comes and takes it out? Besides, I haven’t even been conscious most of the time.

You’re pushing your luck. You’re pushing your luck and you know it.

Yes. He knew it, but the thought of that telephone, the imagined sensation of the cool black plastic under his fingers, the click of the rotary dial or the single booping sound as he touch-toned 0 – these were seductions too great to resist.

He worked the wheelchair around until it was directly facing the parlor, and then he rolled down to it.

The place smelled musty, unaired, obscurely tired. Although the curtains guarding the bow windows were only half-drawn, affording a lovely view of the mountains, the room seemed too dark – because its colors were too dark, he thought. Dark red predominated, as if someone had spilled a great deal of venous blood in here.

Over the mantel was a tinted photograph portrait of a forbidding woman with tiny eyes buried in a fleshy face. The rosebud mouth was pursed. The photograph, enclosed in a rococo frame of gold gilt, was the size of the President’s photograph in the lobby of a big-city post office. Paul did not need a notarised statement telegram to tell him that this was Annie’s sainted mother.

He rolled farther into the room. The left side of the wheelchair struck a small occasional table covered with ceramic gewgaws. They chattered together and one of them – a ceramic penguin sitting on a ceramic ice-block – fell off the side.

Without thinking, he reached out and grabbed it. The gesture was almost casual . . . and then reaction set in. He held the penguin tightly in his curled fist, trying to will the shakes away. You caught it, no sweat, besides, there’s a rug on the floor, probably wouldn’t have broken anyway – But if it HAD! his mind screamed back. If it HAD! Please, you have to go back to your room before you leave something . . . a track . . .

No. Not yet. Not yet, no matter how frightened he was. Because this had cost him too much. If there was a payoff, he was going to have it.

He looked around the room, which was stuffed with heavy graceless furniture. It should have been dominated by the bow windows and the gorgeous view of the Rockies beyond them but was instead dominated by the picture of that fleshy woman imprisoned in the ghastly glaring frame with its twists and curlicues and frozen gilded swags.

On a table at the far end of the couch, where she would sit to watch TV, was a plain dialer telephone.

Gently, hardly daring to breathe, he put the ceramic penguin (NOW MY TALE IS TOLD! the legend on the block of ice read) back on the knickknack table and rolled across the room toward the phone.

There was an occasional table in front of the sofa; he gave it a wide berth. On it was a spray of dried flowers in an ugly green vase, and the whole thing looked topheavy, ready to tip over if he so much as brushed it.

No cars coming outside – only the sound of the wind.

He grasped the handset of the phone in one hand and slowly picked it up.

A fabulous person predestinate sense of failure filled his mind even before he got the handset to his ear and heard the nothing. He replaced the receiver slowly, a line from an old Roger Miller song occurring to him and seeming to make a certain senseless sense: No phone, no pool, no pets . . . I ain’t got no cigarettes. . .

He traced the phone cord with his eye, saw the small square module on the baseboard, saw that the jack was plugged into it. Everything looked in perfect working order.

Like the barn, with its heat-tapes.

Keeping up appearances is very, very important.

He closed his eyes and saw Annie removing the jack and squeezing Elmer’s Glue into the hole in the module. Saw her replacing the jack in the dead-white glue, where it would harden and freeze forever. The phone company would have no idea that anything was wrong unless someone attempted to call her and reported the line out of service, but no one called Annie, did they? She would receive regular monthly bills on her dead line and she would pay them promptly, but the phone was only stage dressing, part of her never-ending battle to keep up appearances, like the neat barn with its fresh red paint and cream trim and heat-tapes to melt the winter ice. Had she castrated the phone in case of just such an expedition as this? Had she foreseen the possibility that he might get out of the room? He doubted it. The phone – the working phone – would have gotten on her nerves long before he came. She would have lain awake at night, looking up at the ceiling of her bedroom, listening to the high-country whine of the wind, imagining the people who must be thinking of her with either dislike or outright malevolence – all the world’s Roydmans – people who might, any of them, at any time, take a notion to call her on the telephone and scream: You did it, Annie! They took you all the way to Denver, and we know you did it! They don’t take you all the way to Denver if you’re innocent! She would have asked for and gotten an unlisted number, of course – anyone tried for and acquitted of some major crime (and if it had been Denver, it had been major) would have done that – but even an unlisted number would not comfort a deep neurotic like Annie Wilkes for long. They were all in league against her, they could get the number if they wanted, probably the lawyers who had been against her would be glad to pbum it out to anyone who asked for it, and people would ask, oh yes – for she would see the world as a dark place full of moving human mbumes like seas, a malevolent universe surrounding a single small stage upon which a single savagely bright pinspot illuminated . . . only her. So best to eradicate the phone, silence it, as she would silence him if she knew he had gotten even this far.

Panic burst shrilly up in his mind, telling him that he had to get out of here and back into his room, hide the pills somewhere, return to his place by the window so that when she returned she would see no difference, no difference at all, and this time he agreed with the voice. He agreed wholeheartedly. He backed carefully away from the phone, and when he gained the room’s one reasonably clear area, he began the laborious job of turning the wheelchair around, careful not to bump the occasional table as he did so.

He had nearly finished the turn when he heard an approaching car and knew, simply knew it was her, returning from to

He nearly fainted, in the grip of the greatest terror he had ever known, a terror that was filled with deep and unmanning guilt. He suddenly remembered the only incident in his life that came remotely close to this one in its desperate emotional quality. He had been twelve. It was summer vacation, his father working, his mother gone to spend the day in Boston with Mrs Kaspbrak from across the street. He had seen a pack of her cigarettes and had lit one of them. He smoked it enthusiastically, feeling both sick and fine, feeling the way he imagined robbers must feel when they stick up banks. Halfway through the cigarette, the room filled with smoke, he had heard her opening the front door. “Paulie? It’s me I’ve forgotten my purse!” He had begun to wave madly at the smoke, knowing it would do no good, knowing he was caught, knowing he would be spanked.

It would be more than a spanking this time.

He remembered the dream he’d had during one of his gray-outs: Annie male reproductive organing the shotgun’s twin triggers and saying If you want your freedom so badly, Paul, I’ll be happy to grant it to you.

The sound of the engine began to drop as the approaching car slowed down. It was her.

Paul settled hands he could barely feel on the wheels and rolled the chair toward the hallway, sparing one glance at the ceramic penguin on its block of ice. Was it in the same place it had been? He couldn’t tell. He would have to hope.

He rolled down the hall toward the bedroom door, gaining speed. He hoped to shoot right through, but his aim was a little off. Only a little . . . but the fit was so tight that a little was enough. The wheelchair thumped against the right side of the doorway and bounced back a little.

Did you chip the paint? his mind screamed at him. Oh Jesus Christ, did you chip the paint, did you leave a track?

No chip. There was a small dent but no chip. Thank God. He backed and filled frantically, trying to navigate the fineness of the doorway’s tight fit.

The car motor swelled, nearing, still slowing. Now he could hear the crunch of its snow tires.

Easy . . . easy does it . . .

He rolled forward and then the hubs of the wheels stuck solid against the sides of the bedroom door. He pushed harder, knowing it wasn’t going to do any good, he was stuck in the doorway like a cork in a wine-bottle, unable to go either way – He gave one final heave, the muscles in his arms quivering like overtuned violin strings, and the wheelchair pbumed through with that same low squealing noise.

The Cherokee turned into the driveway.

She’ll have packages, his mind gibbered, the typewriter paper, maybe a few other things as well, and she’ll be careful coming up the walk because of the ice, you’re in here now, the worst is over, there’s time, still time . . .

He rolled farther into the room, then turned in a clumsy semicircle. As he rolled the wheelchair parallel to the open bedroom door, he heard the Cherokee’s engine shut off.

He leaned over, grasped the doorknob, and tried to pull the door shut. The tongue of the lock, still stuck out like a stiff steel finger, bumped the jamb. He pushed it with the ball of his thumb. It began to move . . . then stopped. Stopped dead, refusing to let the door close.

He stared at it stupidly for a moment, thinking of that old Navy maxim: Whatever CAN go wrong WILL go wrong.

Please God, no more, wasn’t it enough she killed the phone?

He let go of the tongue. It sprang all the way out again. He pushed it in again and encountered the same obstruction. Inside the guts of the lock he heard an odd rattling and understood. It was the part of the bobby-pin which had broken off. It had fallen in some way that was keeping the lock’s tongue from retracting completely.

He heard the Cherokee’s door open. He even heard her grunt as she got out. He heard the rattle of paper bags as she gathered up her parcels.

“Come on,” he whispered, and began to chivvy the tongue gently back and forth. It went in perhaps a sixteenth of an inch each time and then stopped. He could hear the goddam bobby-pin rattling inside there. “Come on . . . come on . . . come on . . . ” He was crying again and unaware of it, sweat and tears mingling freely on his cheeks; he was vaguely aware that he was still in great pain despite all the dope he had swallowed, that he was going to pay a high price for this little piece of work.

Not so high as the one she’ll make you pay if you can’t get this goddam door closed again, Paulie.

He heard her crunching, cautious footsteps as she made her way up the path. The rattle of bags . . . and now the rattle of her housekeys as she took them from her purse.

Johnny Mac

Avatar: 37704 2011-07-31 00:49:39 -0400
35

[Full of SbumSS]

Level 35 Troll

hot horse great times lover

“Come on . . . come on . . . come on . . . ” This time when he pushed the tongue there was a flat click from inside the lock and the jut of metal slid a quarter of an inch into the door. Not enough to clear the jamb . . . but almost.

“Please . . . come on . . . ” He began to chivvy the tongue faster, diddling it, listening as she opened the kitchen door. Then, like a hideous flashback to that day when his mother had caught him smoking, Annie called cheerily: “Paul? It’s me! I’ve got your paper!” Caught! I’m caught! Please God, no God, don’t let her hurt me God – His thumb pressed convulsively tight against the tongue of the lock, and there was a muffled snap as the bobby-pin broke. The tongue slid all the way into the door. In the kitchen he heard a zipper-rasp as she opened her parka.

He closed the bedroom door. The click of the latch (did she hear that? must have must have heard that!) sounded as loud as a track-starter’s gun.

He backed the wheelchair up toward the window. He was still backing and filling as her footsteps began to come down the hallway.

“I’ve got your paper, Paul! Are you awake?” Never . . . never in time . . . She’ll hear . . .

He gave the guide-lever a final wrench and rolled the wheelchair into place beside the window just as her key rattled in the lock.

It won’t work . . . the bobby-pin . . . and she’ll be suspicious . . .

But the piece of alien metal must have fallen all the way to the bottom of the lock, because her key worked perfectly. He sat in his chair, eyes half-closed, hoping madly that he had gotten the chair back where it had been (or at least close enough to it so she wouldn’t notice), hoping that she would take his sweat-drenched face and quivering body simply as reactions to missing his medication, hoping most of all that he hadn’t left a track – It was as the door swung open that he looked, down and saw that by looking for individual tracks with such agonized concentration, he had ignored a whole buffalo run: the boxes of Novril were still in his lap.

She had two packages of paper, and she held one up in each hand, smiling. “Just what you asked for, isn’t it? Triad Modem. Two reams here, and I have two more in the kitchen, just in case. So you see – ” She broke off, frowning, looking at him.

“You’re dripping with sweat . . . and your color is very hectic.” She paused. “What have you been doing?” And although that set the panicky little voice of his lesser self to squealing again that he was caught and might as well give it up, might as well confess and hope for her mercy, he managed to meet her suspicious gaze with an ironic weariness.

“I think you know what I’ve been doing,” he said. “I’ve been suffering.” From the pocket of her skirt she took a Kleenex and wiped his brow. The Kleenex came away wet. She smiled at him with that terrible bogus maternity.

“Has it been very bad?”

“Yes. Yes, it has. Now can I – ”

“I told you about making me mad. Live and learn, isn’t that what they say? Well, if you live, I guess you’ll learn.”

“Can I have my pills now?”

“In a minute,” she said. Her eyes never left his sweaty face, its waxy pallor and red rashlike blotches. “First I want to make sure there’s nothing else you want. Nothing else stupid old Annie Wilkes forgot because she doesn’t know how a Mister Smart Guy goes about writing a book. I want to make sure you don’t want me to go back to town and get you a tape recorder, or maybe a special pair of writing slippers, or something like that. Because if you want me to, I’ll go. Your wish is my command. I won’t even wait to give you your pills. I’ll hop right into Old Bessie again and go. So what do you say, Mister Smart Guy? You all set?”

“I’m all set,” he said. “Annie, please – ”

“And you won’t make me mad anymore?”

“No. I won’t make you mad anymore.”

“Because when I get mad I’m not really myself.” Her eyes dropped. She was looking down to where his hands were cupped tightly together over the sample boxes of Novril. She looked for a very long time.

“Paul?” she asked softly. “Paul, why are you holding your hands like that?” He began to cry. It was guilt he cried from, and he hated that most of all: in addition to everything else that this monstrous woman had done to him, she had made him feel guilty as well. So he cried from guilt . . . but also from simple childish weariness.

He looked up at her, tears flowing down his cheeks, and played the absolute last card in his hand.

“I want my pills,” he said, “and I want the urinal. I held it all the time you were gone, Annie, but I can’t hold it much longer, and I don’t want to wet myself again.” She smiled softly, radiantly, and pushed his tumbled hair off his brow. “You poor dear. Annie has put you through a lot, hasn’t she? Too much! Mean old Annie! I’ll get it right away.”

He wouldn’t have dared put the pills under the rug even if he thought he had time to do so before she came back – the packages were small, but the bulges would still be all too obvious. As he heard her go into the downstairs bathroom, he took them, reached painfully around his body, and stuffed them into the back of his underpants. Sharp cardboard corners poked into the cleft of his bumocks.

She came back with the urinal, an old-fashioned tin device that looked absurdly like a blow-dryer, in one hand. She had two Novril capsules and a glbum of water in the other.

Two more of those on top of the ones you took half an hour ago may drop you into a coma and then kill you, he thought, and a second voice answered at once: Fine with me.

He took the pills and swallowed them with water.

She held out the urinal. “Do you need help?”

“I can do it,” he said.

She turned considerately away while he fumbled his male reproductive organ into the cold tube and urinated. He happened to he looking at her when the hollow splashing sounds commenced, and he saw that she was smiling.

“All done?” she asked a few moments later.

“Yes.” He actually had needed to urinate quite badly – in all the excitement he hadn’t had time to think of such things.

She took the urinal away from him and set it carefully on the floor. “Now let’s get you back in bed,” she said. “You must be exhausted . . . and your legs must be singing grand opera.” He nodded, although the truth was that he could not feel anything – this medication on top of what he’d already given himself was rolling him toward unconsciousness at an alarming rate, and he was beginning to see the room through gauzy layers of gray. He held onto one thought – she was going to lift him into bed, and when she did that she would have to be blind as well as numb not to notice that the back of his underwear happened to be stuffed with little boxes.

She got him over to the side of the bed.

“Just a minute longer, Paul, and you can take a snooze.”

“Annie, could you wait five minutes?” he managed. She looked at him, gaze narrowing slightly. “I thought you were in a lot of pain, buster.”

“I am,” he said. “It hurts . . . too much. My knee, mostly. Where you . . . uh, where you lost your temper. I’m not ready to be picked up. Could I have five minutes to . . . to . . . ” He knew what he wanted to say but it was drifting away from him. Drifting away and into the gray. He looked at her helplessly, knowing he was going to be caught after all.

“To let the medication work?” she asked, and he nodded gratefully.

“Of course. I’ll just put a few things away and come right back.” As soon as she was out of the room he was reaching behind him, bringing out the boxes and stuffing them under the mattress one by one. The layers of gauze kept thickening, moving steadily from gray toward black.

Get them as far under as you can, he thought blindly. Make sure you do that so if she changes the bed she won’t pull them out with the ground sheet. Get them as far under as you . . . you . . .

He shoved the last under the mattress, then leaned back and looked up at the ceiling, where the W’s danced drunkenly across the plaster.

Africa, he thought.

Now I must rinse, he thought.

Oh, I am in so much trouble here, he thought. Tracks, he thought. Did I leave tracks? Did I – Paul Sheldon got scared, so he said “you’re moving with your auntie and uncle in bel-air”. I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said ‘FRESH’ and it had dice in the mirror If anything I can say this cab is rare But I thought ‘Now forget it’ – ‘Yo homes to Bel Air’ I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 And I yelled to the cabbie ‘Yo homes smell ya later’ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there To settle my throne as the Prince of Bel Air

Admit it, you knew this was going to get a TL;DR

Johnny Mac

Avatar: 37704 2011-07-31 00:49:39 -0400
35

[Full of SbumSS]

Level 35 Troll

hot horse great times lover

That is the end of chapter one.

There is no way you can read all that before great timesming Log in to see images!

MicRo-BreAtH

Avatar: Donkey
8

[The temple of MicR-
o-BreAtH
]

Level 69 Permanoob

an god LOL

Johnny Mac Posted:

That is the end of chapter one.

There is no way you can read all that before great timesming Log in to see images!

HE didn’t say he would read it. He said the post I’m viewing. Besides you should also ask before 24double posting some ****ty thing like that.

arbitrayer

Avatar: arbitrayer's Avatar

Level 18 Troll

“Li'l Hellraiser”

Johnny Mac Posted:

2 PAGES OF TOTAL fabulous personRY

I ****ING HATE YOU

arbitrayer

Avatar: arbitrayer's Avatar

Level 18 Troll

“Li'l Hellraiser”

Johnny Mac Posted:

2 PAGES OF TOTAL fabulous personRY

I ****ING HATE YOU

BaconSupreme

Avatar: 77335 Sat Nov 08 20:57:52 -0500 2008

[The Bacon Stack]

Level 32 Hacker

“01001000 01000001 01011000”

PINGAS

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Pinacho

Avatar: Red Green Flashing
1

Level 33 Troll

“Permafail”

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

It’s your great times. Log in to see images!

EDIT:

Here, watch this video:

Pinacho edited this message on 11/07/2008 5:49PM

SIG-ENABLING-
-MOCK CONGLER

Avatar: 70410 Tue Mar 31 18:27:10 -0400 2009
4

[The Airship]

Level 20 Hacker

Posesses, and is, an incredibly large male reproductive organ

MicRo-BreAtH Posted:

HE didn’t say he would read it. He said the post I’m viewing. Besides you should also ask before 24double posting some ****ty thing like that.

Prison **** Posted:

So here’s how this works. You post, and on Monday, I will read this thread while fapping ravenously. Whoever post I’m reading when I bust a nut gets 2 BP. I’ll even throw in an extra BP if my wad hits the screen. Pr0n is greatly appreciated.

So if he doesn’t read it, wouldn’t that be a toxx?

Brewzer

Avatar: Code (Blue)
3

Level 31 Hacker

“01001000 01000001 01011000”

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DarkDespair5

Avatar: 77864 Thu Jun 04 08:28:46 -0400 2009

Level 56 Hacker

“Logic Bomber”

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EDIT: Gaussian Blur applied

DarkDespair5 edited this message on 11/07/2008 6:52PM

DarkDespair5

Avatar: 77864 Thu Jun 04 08:28:46 -0400 2009

Level 56 Hacker

“Logic Bomber”

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DarkDespair5

Avatar: 77864 Thu Jun 04 08:28:46 -0400 2009

Level 56 Hacker

“Logic Bomber”

Mwahahahaha! No WAY u can get past those 2

DarkDespair5

Avatar: 77864 Thu Jun 04 08:28:46 -0400 2009

Level 56 Hacker

“Logic Bomber”

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