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pbum the bp #9
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One day Farmer Fred decided that he needed some horses. So he went to the horse auction and he saw these two really really really really really big horses for a really really really really really cheap price. So he bought these two really really really really really big horses for a really really really really really cheap price and he called them Nookie and Snookie. Now Farmer Fred decided that Nookie and Snookie would be good for horse racing, so he entered them in the county fair and Nookie and Snookie were much bigger than all the other horses, their shoulders were about as high as this ceiling. So the starter blew the gun, and they’re off! Nookie and Snookie pull ahead of all the other horses in just a couple seconds. And it’s Nookie in the lead by a nose, no it’s Snookie by a nose, it’s Nookie in the lead by a nose, no it’s Snookie by a nose, Nookie by a nose, Snookie by a nose, Nookie by a nose, Snookie by a nose, Nookie by a nose, Snookie by a nose, Nookie by a nose, And Snookie wins the race, but only by a nose. So it comes time for the state fair, and Nookie and Snookie are just a little bit taller than all the other horses this time. So the starter blows the gun, and they’re off! Nookie and Snookie pull ahead of all the other horses in just a couple seconds. And it’s Nookie in the lead by a nose, no it’s Snookie by a nose, it’s Nookie in the lead by a nose, no it’s Snookie by a nose, Nookie by a nose, Snookie by a nose, Nookie by a nose, Snookie by a nose, Nookie by a nose, Snookie by a nose, Nookie by a nose, Snookie by a nose, Nookie by a nose, Snookie by a nose, Nookie by a nose, And Snookie wins the race, but only by a nose. So they’re back in their stable celebrating that night, and Nookie says to Snookie, “Hey Snookie, everybody knows that you and I are the fastest and second fastest horses in the state, maybe even the country, so how’s about letting me win the national finals tomorrow?” Snookie thinks for a moment and then says, “Weeellllll, I suppose I can do that for you, but only cuz it’s you.” So the next day, Nookie and Snookie are ready to run the national finals, and they’re about ten times smaller than all the other horses. So the starter blows the gun, and they’re off! Nookie and Snookie pull ahead of all the other horses in just a couple seconds. And it’s Nookie in the lead by a nose, no it’s Snookie by a nose, it’s Nookie in the lead by a nose, no it’s Snookie by a nose, Nookie by a nose, Snookie by a nose, Nookie by a nose, Snookie by a nose, Nookie by a nose, Snookie by a nose, Nookie by a nose, Snookie by a nose, Nookie by a nose, Snookie by a nose, Nookie by a nose, Snookie by a nose, Nookie by a nose, Snookie by a nose, Nookie by a nose, Snookie by a nose, Nookie by a nose, Snookie by a nose, Nookie by a nose, And Snookie wins the race, but only by a nose. So they’re back in their stable celebrating that night, and Nookie says to Snookie, “Hey Snookie, I thought you said that I could win the race today…” And Snookie says, “Umm, well, you know….ummm…” Then the country dog walks up and says, “Hey, I remember you saying that too.” And Nookie and Snookie look at each other and say,
“WOW A TALKING DOG!!!” |
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| Posted On: 11/26/2008 6:01PM |
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A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“ |
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| Posted On: 11/26/2008 8:23PM |
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An oldie but goodie from a military instructor.
How do you know you gave good oral sex?
When you wake up, your face feels like a glazed donut. Shishi edited this message on 11/26/2008 11:54PM |
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| Posted On: 11/26/2008 11:54PM |
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one earlier reminded me of one that´s miles better:
A young girl has a party tonight, but has no transport, so she goes to her dad: “Dad,lend me the car tonight” “no” answers his father” “Oh, c’mon dad, I’ll be a nice girl” “h’mmm ok” the father says “but you gotta do something” “What is it” “suck my male reproductive organ” “DAAAaaddd, I’m like… totally not doing that” “As you wish, no car for you then” “h’mmm… ok, dad, I’ll do it, but just this time” So the guy takes out his male reproductive organ, the girl goes down on him and sucks it: “Ewwwww… dad, it tastes like ****” “****??” says her dad, “****, you brother asked me the car earlier” |
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| Posted On: 11/27/2008 2:46PM |
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What’s green and black and flies through walls?
A ghost avocado. Bandaney edited this message on 11/27/2008 8:46PM |
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| Posted On: 11/27/2008 8:45PM |
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close the ****ing thread if the BP was given already. |
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| Posted On: 11/27/2008 10:35PM |
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How can you keep a blonde busy for the longest time?
1) Lock her in a square-shaped room and tell her to stand in the corner. 2) Give her a pack of M&Ms and tell her to form the alphabet. 3) Give her a note that says “turn page” on both sides. Xx-EmO_4_LiFe-xX edited this message on 11/28/2008 1:39AM |
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| Posted On: 11/28/2008 1:38AM |
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One morning, a man is golfing when he meets a woman on the course. He finds her attractive, and asks her if she’d like to play with him. They play a round, and she wins by four strokes.
Sensing the guy’s embarrbumment, the woman offers to take him to the parking lot and give him head in her car to make him feel better.
For the rest of the week, they play together every morning. The woman wins by four or five strokes each time and then goes down on him in the parking lot. On Friday, he invites her to his house for a romantic dinner.
That evening, they have a lovely meal and move to the couch to fool around. The woman pulls away and says, ’’That’s it, stop, wait. I must confess something to you! I’m a transvestite; I’m really a man!’’
’’You son of a ****!’’ the guy replies. ’’You’ve been hitting off the women’s tee all week!’’
One night, a father pbumed by his son’s room and heard his son praying: “God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa.”
The father didn’t quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father rebumured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.
The next night, he heard his son praying again: “God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma.”
The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.
Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son’s door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: “God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy.”
Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor’s early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, “Thank God you’re here — we could really use your help! We found the pool boy dead on our back porch this morning!” |
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| Posted On: 11/30/2008 8:47AM |
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