Game: (in-depth briefing of game outline and plot)

Me: Hmmm, seems interesting.

Game: (conversation, intro, blah blah blah)

Me: Ok. Yep. Interesting. Nice. When do I get to start playing?

Game: (describe, detail, outli-DROPS YOU IN A JEEP IN THE MIDDLE OF ****ING ENEMY TERRITORY OH GOD THEY’RE SHOOTING AT YOU FIGHT BACK NO WE’RE NOT GONNA EXPLAIN CONTROLS FIGURE IT OUT YOU DUMBbum NOW THERE’S A BIG IMPORTANT DUDE WITH A MACHINE GUN AND MACHINE GUN TURRETS WHAT’RE YOU GONNA DO HUH? HUH? OH BY THE WAY HERE’S SOME AIR SUPPORT BLOW UP THOSE ****ING CANNONS BEFORE THEY TEAR **** APART

Me: O_O

Game: Ok that’s the intro now you can go around and do ****.

Me: .....

(about 20 minutes later)

Game: Ok now take that tank into the NK compound and blow up a crapton of buildings and soldiers, oh, there are artillery turrets you can hijack and we’ll give you some support. Also there are dudes with rocket launchers. Don’t get hit by a rocket launcher. Those ****ing hurt.

Me: .....Oh my god I am in love with this game ;__;

Mmm, no, I’m pretty sure you aren’t. Especially because this forum is for Forumwarz discussions, not just any old game. Though I did enjoy a good read in your post Log in to see images!

IRONY IS A ****, by Something_Witty

Me: Alrighty, going after the Ace of Clubs (Aces are the big important dudes, worth lots of money, and double is captured alive). This will be tough, I’m betting.

*lands on an island, and like kicking an ant’s nest, is immediately set upon by like a bazillion North Koreans*

Me: Whoa.

*fights his way through a very fun mission, destroying radar jammers, killing North Koreans, panicking when attacked by APCs, rocket launcher weenies or snipers, and finally capping it off with a combined bumault on a heavily guarded tower using an APC loaded with Allied forces, leading to a dramatic and successful capture*

Me: God that was awesome. Made a nice $150000 for capturing the sucker too! Alrighty, what’s next?

Game: An escort mission.

Me: Oh. Well, this might still be fun.

*drives to the dude, talks to him, he says he’s on a tight deadline. Dude does not get in the car.*

Me: *drives up close to the dude*

*dude does not get in the car*

Me: *gets out of the car and back in again*

*dude does not get in the car*

Me: *getting ****ed off and running low on time, runs over the dude so mission can be restarted*

Game: *gives SW a $250000 penalty and a mbumive reputation drop for killing a press member*

Me: HOLY ****ADOO. TIME TO LOAD MY GAME. *loads game*

*last save: Before capturing the Ace*

Me: Blarg. Oh well, this shouldn’t take too long, I’ve done this mission before.

Me: *proceeds to fail the mission about 15 times with varying degrees of completion, getting steadily drunker and angrier as the hours tick away, until….*

Me: YES. FINALLY. I SUBDUED THE MISERABLE **** AT LAST. Now just gotta wait for the helicopter to rock up.

Allied Forces: *shoot down an enemy helicopter*

*the helicopter falls on the Ace, killing him instantly*

Me: .......DFMNVRYVGU64-96G[WRYGF6346=4-G-96MG-56Y567BH6U *somehow manages to resist throwing the controller, but punches the **** out of his chair*

Me: *gives up and plays Katamari Damacy*

MC Banhammer Posted:

haha

Moved to Playing With Ourselves, where it belongs.

lol Log in to see images! Something_Witty edited this message on 09/15/2008 12:13PM

DON’T EVER KILL THE SODDING DOORMAN by Something_Witty

Me: (in pretty high spirits) Oh yeah, mission destroyed, North Koreans very sad, Something_Witty HAPPY AND RICH 8D

Me: Ok, time for another mission, who’s closest? Hmmmmm, looks like the South Koreans. Oh goodie, these guys love me, my reputation with them is maxed.

Me: *screeches round many corners in a stolen truck at top speed, singing various Judas Priest songs for the road, deliberately smashing into anything even vaguely resembling North Korean or civilian vehicles, honking the horn like a very special burn victim all the while*

Me: *cruises up to the South Korean HQ, slamming on the brakes to avoid hitting anybody*

Me: *overestimates the power of said brakes*

Me: *accidentally turns the guy at the door who normally gives you missions into a pancake*

Game: “Oh you’re now an enemy of the South Koreans. You can pay the doorman to boost your reputation or kill enemies of them”

*reputation goes from “you’re awesome dude please have my babies” to “WTF YOU’RE A WANKER KILLKILLKILL D8<”

(seriously, it went from max to min)

South Koreans: *begin opening fire with machine guns, RPGs, and some nearby vehicles*

Me: HOLY **** O__O

Me: Hang on, I can’t pay the guy at the door to boost my rep BECAUSE HE’S ****ING DEAD.

Me: .......game loading time X__X

MOCK-CONGLERS **** Posted:

this sounds like a game i might have to check out if theres a torrent for it somewhere

(pft, torrent probably has 23464 of em)

It’s a PS2 and Xbox game, dunno if effective emulators exist for those yet.

Essentially it’s an open-world sandbox game like GTA, minus all the ‘gansta fo’ shizzle’ **** and more ‘oh look, a bunch of buildings. NOW THERE AREN’T. Log in to see images!

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

So, I got a chance to try out the T-52 or whatever tank after I hijacked one from some NK sucka. Then I tested its abilities on a nearby NK base.

Thick as hell armor CHECK

Ability to crush **** CHECK

Hella strong firepower CHECK

40 or so freaking shells CHECK

Feeling like you want to munch on a cheeseburger and listen to loudbum music while stomping the hell out of everything DOUBLE CHECK

Laguna Posted:

Unless you’re computer is AMAZING, there’s no point running a PS2 emulator – every game runs at literally half the speed or less

There isn’t a single decent Xbox emulator out there either – the only working one can only play one game (which is Halo)

Mercs 1 was pretty fun to play, especially as a timewaster. I need to check out Mercs 2 soon..

Yeah, if I had a PS3 or 360 I’d check out Mercs 2 also, however I’ve heard it isn’t as good as the original. Blowing stuff up is still fun, but apparently the AI is incredibly stupid and there isn’t enough variety in the missions. And lots of bugs. Still, worth a hire or two to check out first, and co-op alone would probably be worth it.

IGN review

Gamespot review

****, I’m gonna go play the original again haha

Laguna Posted:

Unless you’re computer is AMAZING, there’s no point running a PS2 emulator – every game runs at literally half the speed or less

There isn’t a single decent Xbox emulator out there either – the only working one can only play one game (which is Halo)

Mercs 1 was pretty fun to play, especially as a timewaster. I need to check out Mercs 2 soon..

yeah even the old emus are chunked mostly no matter how you tweak em…****ing emus

**** YOU MISSILE TRUCK by Something_Witty

Me: Hurp durp, time to clean up the last of the diamonds before I take on the Ace.

*enters the area of one of the number cards, think it was the 9*

Me: (bumessing situation) Ok, there’s an anti-air tank over there, some generic weenies, a few missile trucks…nothing to really worry about.

*hijacks the AA gun, splatters the ground forces and a nearby heli, turns to blow up the missile trucks, pauses*

Me: Oh, you’re a SNEAKY one Mr. Number Card. If I blow that truck, you go up in flames, and so does half my reward money. Oh well, time to smack you in the head Log in to see images!

*gets out of tank*

*smacks number card upside the head*

*one of the trucks suddenly comes out of nowhere and flattens Switty*

Me: Oh, balls. That was annoying.

*does another number card, returns in a T-54 tank*

Me: HEY GUYS WHAT UP Log in to see images!

*kills all the enemies again*

Me: Ok, so the missile truck is still next to the number card. And I can’t make it go ‘splodey’. Doesn’t look like anybody’s piloting it, it’s not moving…

*gets out of tank*

*is flattened 2 seconds later from behind. by a missile truck.*

Me: God ****ing damn it.

*grabs another tank, does the long drive to the encampment*

Me: Stompy stomp guys Log in to see images!

*realises that he just inexplicably lost a whole bunch of armor*

*sees his old tank firing at him*

*his tank gets destroyed*

Me: Shiiiiiiit D:

*goes to hijack tank*

*gets run over by the missile truck again*

Me: OH, YOU ARE KIDDING ME. JESUS CHRIST.

*drives to the encampment AGAIN, this time in a mere Scout APC*

*both the AA tanks are back*

*rams the scout into one, gets out before it blows, then hijacks the non-damaged tank*

*****s bricks when he see his OTHER old, badbum tank fire a shell at him*

*shoots at the tank*

*hits the missile truck*

*KA-

-****ING-

-BLOOEY*

(the missile truck blows up spectacularly, destroying everything within a 10-mile radius, including every vehicle, person, box, structure, and the AA tank Switty is in. He is left on 1HP.*

Me: .......O___O. Oh god, don’t tell me….

*yep, the number card’s sure ****ing dead all right*

Me: Log in to see images!