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Contest contest: write a story! the third! (7 BP)

Murderousness

Avatar: Ron Paul
5

[70 Character Story-
tellers
]

Level 35 Troll

“Problem Child IV”

Big Brother Posted:

Love Without Females and With Blood

Sir Vampire-Elton Vampire-John wandered through the streets. He was deeply in love. He moved through the streets. The streets were moved through by him. His wandering continued, through the streets. Street-wandering resumed, by him. Move-streeting by him resumed. He wandered far and wide through the streets, hoping to wander farrer and wider through the streetser. Then, he came across his object of affection. He sucked all blood out of it. The bloodless, nude man was dead. The nude, bloodless man was dead. Death befalled the nude and bloodless man. He was dead you see. Sir Vampire-Elton Vampire-John felt sorry that he killed him. Sorriness was felt for the killingness done. He was sorry that he was dead as a result of his actions.

THE NEXT male reproductive organENS!

zigzagoon

Avatar: 28782 2011-07-31 12:19:07 -0400
5

Level 20 Permanoob

“Asshat”

okay since it seems like people were fine with it:

the duration of the contest is extended by two days and each person now has 48 additional hours to finalize their story

hopefully everyone will now get a chance to join in and write something Log in to see images!

Sneff

Avatar: Nipple Piercing

Level 10 Troll

“Pain in the ASCII”

It was on Mr Goodwin’s insistence that I had traveled from my native England to the wilds of Transylvania. His client, Count Dracula, had grown weary of his reclusive existence and had expressed an interest in buying property near London and traveling there – via Amsterdam and Berlin – just as soon as everything could be arranged. As a junior lawyer in the firm, I was to sort out the legal issues with the Count and to see that the appropriate dogreat timesents were completed.

Before our final bument up the treacherous mountain pbum to Castle Dracula, the coachman stopped at the village of Rosafarbenes Dreieck to tend to the horses and throw a quick **** into one of the local whores. The night air was chill so I took the opportunity to seek warmth in the local Inn.

The atmosphere inside was warm and convivial with many of the local villagers engaged in friendly conversation. The Innkeeper, a pleasant fellow by the name of Quentin, seated me near the fire and pressed a welcome brandy into my hands.

“What is your destination, mein Herr?” he enquired, politely.

“I have some minor legal business matters to attend to,” I replied, gratefully sipping my brandy, “at Castle Dracula.”

As soon as I mentioned my destination, there was a noticeable change in the atmosphere. The friendly conversation stopped dead and every man in the place stood and turned to face me with looks of shocked horror on their faces. The fire in the grate sputtered and died and cold wind whistled from nowhere.

“Mein Herr,” gasped Quentin. “I urge you not to enter that place! Leave this village and return home as quickly as possible!”

“I’m afraid that’s impossible,” I protested, bemused by the reactions around me. “You see, I have to …”

But before I could explain the nature of my business, I heard a sudden cry from one of the men near my chair. I spun around to face him and was shocked at what I saw. The blood had drained from his face, his eyes rolled to the back of his head and his entire body seemed to be convulsing.

“Oh, Gott!” he cried. “Oh mein Gott! Gott! Aahngngng!”

His body gave one enormous twitch, he tensed up and then collapsed on the floor with a definite wet-patch in his groin. This seemed to set off a chain reaction and soon all the men, including Quentin, were displaying similar behaviours.

It was at this point that my coachman returned, bumoning up his fly. He looked around at the writhing, groaning, and slightly damp men and rolled his eyes.

“You told them where we’re going didn’t you?” he enquired of me.

“Er, yes …” I replied.

Without a further word, he bundled me into the coach and we were soon on our way once more.

Despite being forced to travel at night, we made good time to the castle. Our path ahead, though treacherous in parts, was well lit by a glorious full moon that appeared to have about it an odd pinkish tone. Fireflies danced in the woods like the fairies of folk-lore and the distant howl of wolves were reminiscent of a duet from Bizet’s “The Pearl Fishers” …

Suddenly the coach lurched to a stop and I could hear the coachman unloading my luggage. I stepped out of the carriage and addressed the coachman.

“Why have you stopped here?” I asked. “We have not yet reached the castle.”

“This is as far as I go,” grunted the coachman, climbing back into his seat and taking hold of the reins. “Follow that side-road. It’s the driveway to the castle. And … good luck.”

With that he whipped up the horses and was gone leaving me alone. I gathered together the few pieces of luggage that I could manage on my own and headed up the steep road towards Castle Dracula.

The moon slipped behind a conveniently pbuming mountain so the details of the castle were difficult to make out in the darkness. I staggered up the broad stone steps and hammered on the heavy oaken door. After a full minute the door eased open. I was aware of a vast dimly lit room of pink marble inside – and a distant voice singing in plaintive tones:

“Somewhere over the rainbow,

“Way up high …”

What I could only bumume was a man stood before me, holding the door open. His head was completely bald but appeared to have small pieces of mirror glued all over it and he wore a purple sequined kaftan trimmed with osprey feathers. He had a large ring through his nose and the most singular eyelashes I have ever seen.

“Oh! Yummy!” he squealed. “You must be Mr Barker! How super!”

I tried to suppress my astonishment at this extraordinary vision and managed to stammer out, “Eer, Harker. My name is Harker. Jonathon Harker.”

“Well, sweetie,” gushed the creature before me, “I think I’ll call you Mr Barker ‘cos you just make me wanna woof! But come in, come in! We don’t want a lovely hunka spunk like you exposed to too much of that pixie dust!”

He easily hefted my luggage inside, closed the door behind us and skipped – quite literally – across the entry foyer, beckoning for me to follow.

“Are you Count Dracula?” I asked hesitantly, trotting to keep up with him.

“Oh! good heavens! No!” he chuckled gaily. “I’m Brucie, the Count’s common-law secretary.”

By this time we had reached a huge purple silk padded door, the frame of which was decorated with gilded cherubim who all appeared to be playing leap-frog.

“No. This,” exclaimed Brucie, throwing the doors wide open, “This is Count Dracula!”

The room beyond those doors was extraordinary! Spinning mirrored balls threw tiny flecks of dancing light over every surface. Large portraits, of what I could only bumume were the Count’s family, hung against rose-pink wall panels that were framed by more of the gold figures I’d noticed before.

A large banquet table was set up in the center festooned with exquisite crystal, cutlery and crockery, huge platters of every food imaginable and the most sumptuous floral displays I had ever seen. The air was alive with laughter, animated chatter and the occasional scream of delight from the forty-or-so people seated around the table.

At the far end of the table, standing on a raised platform draped in gold lame and pink froth, was a tall slender man wearing a sequined turban and cape of finest gossamer. Beneath the cape he appeared to be completely naked except for a sequined undergarment that left very little to the imagination.

And he was … singing …

“People …

“People who need people …

“Are the luckiest people in the world …”

I stood transfixed, my mouth gaping open at this extraordinary sight. The men around the table (for nary a woman was there) were dressed in the most outlandish costumes. A sailor was whispering something in the ear of a nun – a nun with a moustache … An army cadette was screaming with laughter whilst being tickled by a burly construction worker. A huge muscled black man wearing only a boot gazed silently into the eyes of a man dressed as Marie Antionette who was gabbing on and on and on about who-knows-what.

The turbaned singer reached the end of his song and everyone in the room, as if on cue, stopped their chatter and laughter immediately and stood to applaud and cheer the singer.

Some threw flowers.

Some threw what appeared to be individually-wrapped mints.

One guest even threw a studded leather codpiece which the singer caught in mid-flight, brought to his nose and sniffed luxuriantly …

With the applause, cheers and wolf-whistles still continuing, the singer turned to face me directly. He lifted the collar of his gossamer cape and gazed seductively at me over its edge. The noise died down to complete silence as everyone followed the singers gaze to turn and stare at me.

“Hello, gorgeous…” said the singer.

The crowd erupted with laughter – although I failed to see the joke.

“How do you do,” enquired the singer, stepping down off his platform and strutting down the length of the room towards me. “I see you’ve met my faithful handyman …”

The crowd again erupted into laughter. I still didn’t get it.

“You must be Mr Farker,” he asked, holding out his hand. The light sparkled from the jeweled rings on his fingers.

“Harker,” I corrected gently. “My name is Harker.”

“Oh,” he replied, sounding slightly disappointed. “No matter. I’ll call you Farker anyway. Because you just make me want to fark ….”

The crowd erupted with more laughter. I was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable.

“I have business with Count Dracula,” I explained in what I bumumed to be the most reasonable of terms. “I’m sorry if I interrupted your … party.”

“Nonsense,” responded the singer, smiling brightly. “You, Mr Farker, are our guest of honour. This castle is so remote that we seldom get to enjoy fresh mea …fresh company. Drink?

“I’m afraid, Mr Farker, that I am unaware of your preference in beverages. We can, of course, cater to your every whim. A ‘crème de Menthe’ perhaps? No, you don’t strike me as that sort of man … How about a ‘Long Slow Screw Against the Wall’? Hmmm … perhaps later. How about a blokey beer? Eh? Woofy-woof-woof! Or maybe …. Yes! The house specialty!”

Brucie suddenly reappeared at my side with a gold salver with a gold goblet containing what appeared to be coconut cream.

“The specialty, Master,” said Brucie, bowing before the singer.

“Master?” I ejaculated. “You mean, you’re Count Dracula?”

“Well, of course I am, silly,” roared the Count, tearing off his turban to reveal a surprisingly cliché widow’s peak. And you’re Jonathon Barker-Farker – the woofing fark lawyer!”

Every face in the room was turned towards me … grinning, leering, licking lips.

“Lawyers,” continued Count Dracula, downing the goblet of coconut cream in one hit, “have been screwing me over and sucking me dry for years – now it’s my turn!”

The crowd erupted.

Sneff edited this message on 09/04/2008 9:09PM

iRAWR

Avatar: 49692 Wed Nov 05 00:16:18 -0500 2008

Level 10 Emo Kid

NEW CEO OF FORUMWARZ INC.

iRAWR Posted:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~PART 1~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WARNING: THIS STORY MAY CONTAIN EXPLICIT SCENES OF SUPER HOT GAY SEX (AND BY GAY I MEAN MAN-ON-MAN.)

Alex looked at Paul and he noticed how sexy he was. He walked over to Paul and started to nibble on his neck.

“No”,said Paul, “no”.

“You know you want it”, Alex replied.

They took off their clothing and began to caress each other’s sculpted bodies. Alex took Paul’s male reproductive organ and began to lick it, sending Paul into moans of pleasure.

Paul bent over, and Alex inserted his male reproductive organ into his bum. He took it in and out, slowly. Just as he was about to climax, the head vampire came in.

“What the **** are you doing?!”, yelled Cro’vax the Head Vampire.

“Uh, I..” both Paul and Alex said.

Cro’vax glared at Alex. “I want you to stay away from my son!”, he said.

“But dad! I thought you knew!”, Paul replied.

“I’m going to convert you. I will make you straight again, for the love of all that is unholy.” Cro’vax shouted.

“It’s not as if he has a choice!” yelled Alex.

“Quiet, you idiot.” Cro’vax said. He darted toward Alex and decapitated him with one swipe of his claws.

“NO!”, Paul cried out, “I hate you!”

“He was making you think that you are gay. He had to die” Cro’vax replied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Part 2~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paul had gotten very far. Ever since his father had killed Alex, he wanted nothing to do with the vampire cult. He estimated he was somewhere in North Dakota by now, and wondered if any of the vampires were tracking him. He made sure to coat his shoes with garlic to cover his footsteps, but he was afraid that it might not be enough.

Suddenly, he felt a stake go through his heart.

This is the end, he thought. His body slumped to the floor; Dead.

SuperMonkeyM-
an

Avatar: Ron Paul
19

Level 69 Troll

New Mod in training.

Ok, I know this will sound crazy but hear me out. Mike and I were just kickin’ it back last Saturday in his basement. His parents were away for the weekend on some second honeymoon—aka “Saving our Marriage”. We were bored. You know how Saturday’s are for fat virgins. Most of our time is spent playing online MMOs in between bouts of uncontrollable sobbing. The monotonyWell, Mike had this crazy idea. He turned to me as some forum flickered out of site on his monitor. “Dude, it’s my turn to cry. It’s your turn to play, fabulous person.”

I looked away from the ShamWOW commercial on his $1 black and white, flea-market find, TV. I had realized that the shamWow guy, no matter how very special, had a better life than I did. I was tired of crying. I replied, “**** this. I want to do something different. Let’s do drugs.”

“My Dad has some LSD in the drawer with his condoms.”

“How the **** do you know that?”

“STFU, do you want some LSD or no?”

“Fine, I’ll take it.”

He got up and left me alone. Several minutes later I heard him come down the stairs with a pill bottle and a case of beer. “Got to wash this **** down with something.” He said smiling. He tossed me a beer and handed me a pill.

“Let’s do it at the same time,” I said.

“What the hell man? Are you scared?”

“No, I’m not scared.”

“Yes, you are.”

“**** you. I don’t see you popping that **** any faster than me.”

“Fine we’ll do it together on three, you ****ing woman's genitals. One, two, three.”

We both took the tiny pill and with one quick swallow, it was gone. We waited in silence for several minutes. Nothing seemed to be happening. Then almost as I spoke, I said “Oh shi-”. The images of the TV began to swirl and shake in a violent gold, blue light. Suddenly, what felt like a bolt of electricity shot through my body. Suddenly, I was 12 again. I was outside playing in my parents’ yard with my dog Fuggy. God I love my dog. He was looking at me intently and dancing about playfully as terriers do. I picked up the orange frisbee. “You want me to throw your toy? Do ya? Huh? Huh?” Fuggy grew even more excited with every second as I waved his toy about. “Ok, boy! Go get it!” I threw the frisbee. It landed several feet away from me because I throw like a girl. ****. Anyways, Fuggy didn’t seem to care. He ran over and spent several seconds mulling around the bushes the frisbee had landed under. Finally he picked it up. Then suddenly out of ****ing no wear, this huge bum monster truck leaps over the bushes and crushes Fuggy.

“SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!” roared the TV as I was suddenly jolted back to the couch. Mike was sitting rigidly with his arm outstretched. He was holding the remote and flipping between two channels—one showing an ALPO dog food commercial and the other an advertisement for a Monster Truck Rally. “God dammit, fabulous person. Stop that.” He didn’t. I shoved him several times and he didn’t move. He was in a trance of some sort. I needed to find some way to wake his bum up. If I failed, I could be in some serious trouble. I stood up and picked up the conveniently located baseball bat. I swung as hard as I could at his head. With a loud “THUNK”, he fell to the floor. His bum raised in the air. Log in to see images!

My Log in to see images! swelled. I had defeated him. I wanted to boast my victory—to humiliate him. I spent several hours repeating the process, savoring the victory from each battle.

Suddenly the world shook about me. I felt a bolt of electricity shoot down my spine. Suddenly, Mike was standing in front of me, and yelling. “WHAT THE **** DID YOU DO TO MY GRANDMOTHER?”

He looked at me like Log in to see images!

I looked at him like Log in to see images!

He looked back at me like Log in to see images!

And I looked at him like Log in to see images!

Johnny Mac

Avatar: 37704 2022-12-12 08:49:44 +0000
66

[Full of SbumSS]

Level 60 Troll

I grant you an bumhole x

SuperMonkeyMan Posted:

Ok, I know this will sound crazy but hear me out. Mike and I were just kickin’ it back last Saturday in his basement. His parents were away for the weekend on some second honeymoon—aka “Saving our Marriage”. We were bored. You know how Saturday’s are for fat virgins. Most of our time is spent playing online MMOs in between bouts of uncontrollable sobbing. The monotonyWell, Mike had this crazy idea. He turned to me as some forum flickered out of site on his monitor. “Dude, it’s my turn to cry. It’s your turn to play, fabulous person.”

I looked away from the ShamWOW commercial on his $1 black and white, flea-market find, TV. I had realized that the shamWow guy, no matter how very special, had a better life than I did. I was tired of crying. I replied, “**** this. I want to do something different. Let’s do drugs.”

“My Dad has some LSD in the drawer with his condoms.”

“How the **** do you know that?”

“STFU, do you want some LSD or no?”

“Fine, I’ll take it.”

He got up and left me alone. Several minutes later I heard him come down the stairs with a pill bottle and a case of beer. “Got to wash this **** down with something.” He said smiling. He tossed me a beer and handed me a pill.

“Let’s do it at the same time,” I said.

“What the hell man? Are you scared?”

“No, I’m not scared.”

“Yes, you are.”

“**** you. I don’t see you popping that **** any faster than me.”

“Fine we’ll do it together on three, you ****ing woman's genitals. One, two, three.”

We both took the tiny pill and with one quick swallow, it was gone. We waited in silence for several minutes. Nothing seemed to be happening. Then almost as I spoke, I said “Oh shi-”. The images of the TV began to swirl and shake in a violent gold, blue light. Suddenly, what felt like a bolt of electricity shot through my body. Suddenly, I was 12 again. I was outside playing in my parents’ yard with my dog Fuggy. God I love my dog. He was looking at me intently and dancing about playfully as terriers do. I picked up the orange frisbee. “You want me to throw your toy? Do ya? Huh? Huh?” Fuggy grew even more excited with every second as I waved his toy about. “Ok, boy! Go get it!” I threw the frisbee. It landed several feet away from me because I throw like a girl. ****. Anyways, Fuggy didn’t seem to care. He ran over and spent several seconds mulling around the bushes the frisbee had landed under. Finally he picked it up. Then suddenly out of ****ing no wear, this huge bum monster truck leaps over the bushes and crushes Fuggy.

“SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!” roared the TV as I was suddenly jolted back to the couch. Mike was sitting rigidly with his arm outstretched. He was holding the remote and flipping between two channels—one showing an ALPO dog food commercial and the other an advertisement for a Monster Truck Rally. “God dammit, fabulous person. Stop that.” He didn’t. I shoved him several times and he didn’t move. He was in a trance of some sort. I needed to find some way to wake his bum up. If I failed, I could be in some serious trouble. I stood up and picked up the conveniently located baseball bat. I swung as hard as I could at his head. With a loud “THUNK”, he fell to the floor. His bum raised in the air. Log in to see images!

My Log in to see images! swelled. I had defeated him. I wanted to boast my victory—to humiliate him. I spent several hours repeating the process, savoring the victory from each battle.

Suddenly the world shook about me. I felt a bolt of electricity shoot down my spine. Suddenly, Mike was standing in front of me, and yelling. “WHAT THE **** DID YOU DO TO MY GRANDMOTHER?”

He looked at me like Log in to see images!

I looked at him like Log in to see images!

He looked back at me like Log in to see images!

And I looked at him like Log in to see images!

I laughed. I cried. I lolled. I CAME!

fat

Avatar: 49759 Sun Oct 26 03:31:30 -0400 2008

Level 13 Permanoob

HI I is bum Ketchup an.. O SHI- I think my fatrolls killed teh pokeymans under me...

There once was a vampire named bum Ketchup. He loved another vampire named Rock. bum decided to go up and talk to Rock. As bum neared Rock, Rock bashed bum’s skull in. Rock then proceeded to **** bum.

I hope I win with my story.

Eirairaianna

Avatar: Eirairaianna's Avatar
2

Level 16 Re-Re

Litening bolt!!!! LOL (in ur faice bad guyz)

Tihs was a hard storey to rite.

Onse apon a time, tehre wer 2 vampiers woh were grils. But tihs was along time ago wehn, grils werent aloud to be vampiers. They had protets and evreything but noone woud lissen. SO, evreyon thot they wer wiches and tryed to cach them and bern them.

The 2 gril vampiers wer scarred so, tehy taked abot what too do. They desided the bets thing to do was to go to slepe for along time until it was teh futur then they coud be gril vampiers. So they went in there cofins and, went too slepe. They slepped for a long time, I thikn about 1 thousend years.

Wehn they wok up, their hare was realy long and, it had al terned gray. Thats becaes, they got realy old wile tehy slepped.

“O deer, my wings are aslepe” said the frist va mpier. “I gess I layed on tehm for to long

‘Mine to.” Said teh other vampier. She shok them out a bit but they were realy num and achey.

“Lets just wak arond Said teh first vampier”

‘OKa thats a god ideea.”

So teh tow vampiers waked arond and saw how teh werld had chanjed. They wer realy hapy becaes, they saw taht girls coud now be watever tehy wanted, even vampiers. But they wer a litel sad becease, tehy fond out that grils stil dident’ get asmuch mony as boys for teh same job. so They comed there long gray hair and waked in a raly to fite for eqwal rites.


THE EDN






And thats my storey about FEMINETS AMBULATORY GRAY VAMPIERS. It was hard to rite. I had to ask my Dad wat Ambularoty menes LOL.

aSh-gangSTA--
685

Avatar: 23493 2011-10-31 20:46:14 -0400
26

[And The Banned Pla-
yed On
]

Level 60 Emo Kid

The Delightfully Chaotic

Once upon a time Flamebate wasn’t filled with 4chan’s bottom rung downs patients, and it was actually fun to participate in. Then the operator said that the call was coming from inside the house!

The end.

Enoby

Avatar: Enoby's Avatar
2

[Goffs of teh Ether-
al Dark ness
]

Level 10 Camwhore

RAVEN if UR readin this I didnt stel ur sweter OK? b****... j/k, <3 U (But not in tha way, ew. LOL)

zigzagoon Posted:

okay since it seems like people were fine with it:

the duration of the contest is extended by two days and each person now has 48 additional hours to finalize their story

hopefully everyone will now get a chance to join in and write something Log in to see images!

Thanx for exstending the Deadline Log in to see images!

Log in to see images!

[PREPS PLS DONT FLAM ME!! IF YA DO ITS ‘COS YOUR JEALOUS LOL Log in to see images!]

I woke up groggy and walked out of my coffin. I looked at teh time.

“OMG It’s already 8:13!” I yelled! “I’m sooo going to be late for the concert!”

I lookt in teh mirror. My face was pail and I had dark circles around my eyes. I was rly tired ‘cos I couldn’t sleep all day and only had a 4 hour nap. That fukkin posr Dumbledork found me in my room at 10am and made me go to clbum instead of sleeping.

I took off my God Charlot t shirt and lookt at my body in the miror. I was really thin so I lookt sexxxy even tho I was tird. I put on some black fishnet tights and a long black skirt with blue lace around the edges and a black straples corset with blue ribbon. I was burshing out my long black hair when I suddenly heard a knock at my door.

I flung the door open. Standing on the other side was the new girl, Sapphire Twi’light Melancholia Nightingail Manson. “What are you doing here!” I shouted in a goffick way. “I’m not ready yet!!” I was really angry ‘cuz I don’t like to be scene when I’m not ready.

“I’m sorry, Enoby. I… I got here early and I couldn’t stand out here any longer. Those fukkin preps are starring at me!!!Log in to see images!

Sapphire had asked me to go wif her to teh God Charlot concert because she was new and didn’t have any freinds yet. I said yes because now that Draco was Ex-spelled (GET IT? EX-SPELLED, BECAUSE WE GO TO SCHOOL AT HOGWORTS AND LEARN TO DO SPELLS? LOL!) and Raven had graduated, I didnt have any of other goffick vampiers to hang out wif.

She pushed her way into my room and I closed then door. “OK… I guess.” Then I looked at her. She was wearing a black tuxedo with long tales. It was shimery in the lite and when if shimered it lookt midnite blue. Her hair was cut in a short bob, like a 1820s flaper. It was died (GET IT? DIED NOT DYED ‘COS I’M GOFFICK AND I LIKE DEATH!) black but not pure black, it had a midnigh t blue shimer like her tux. She was wearing midnite blue lipstick and lots of black eyeshadow.

“What are you doint? I screamed at her” “Why are you wearing blue?!”

“What do you mean, Enoby? I always wear blue.” she replied with a sad tone in her voice.

“But tonight I wasnted to wear blue ‘cos it’s Joel’s fav’rit colour. We can’t both ware the same thing or people will thing were preps!” Log in to see images!

“Ohh….” she said sadly. “But I don’t have any other colours to ware. Everything I have is black and blue.”

“Um… OK.” I kindly agreed to change into my burgandy and black long dress.

I took of my clothes and let them fall to my feet. Then I opened the closed and started looking for my other dress. In the miror, I noticed Sapph looking at me. Her eyes were moving up and down over my body, and I blushed a bit.

“Oh…s orry,” she cried. “I didn’t mean… I mean, it’s just… you have such a great body. I wish I was thin like you. I was thinking, maybe you could teach me some diet tricks or something.

I looked over at her. She was lieing on my bed, proped up on her elbows. Her large breasts pulled at the fabric of her tuxedo. Even tho’ it was a manly out fit, her curves made it really feminine and sexy.

“Don’t be silly, Sapph. You look fine. I mean, great.”

“REally?”

“Yeah. I fink you’re beautiful.”

I turned back to the mirror and ran my hands down my thin body. “Besides, I’m only this thin because I can’t get enough to eat here. They only serve blood pudding once a week, and the meat they serve isn’t very bloody at all.”

“Oh…” said Sapphire, slyly.

I put on my long black dress, It has a burgundy lace crinolin that sticks out teh bottom. I put on some black eyeliner and lots of black mascara so my lashes were long and thick. I put on some burgundy lipstick and my black granny shoes.

“Come on, Sapph, let’s go!” I called out in an excited but goffick way. I grabed her hand and pulled her up. She blusht a bit and squeezed my hand before latting go.

“Yes, let’s go!”

* * *

Sapphire’s flying car was parked outside. It had a license plate that said “666”

“hey, this looks like Draco’s car!” I yelled angrily. ‘What’s goign on here?!”

“Yeah, well… it is. He lent it to me.” She snapped back.

“WTF? How do you know Draco? He was exspelled before you got here.”

“Oh… well, he’s my cousin.”

“Oh.”

She opened the door of the car for me and held it open while I got in. Then she got into the drivers’ side and we took off.

On the way to the concert, we flew over the Forbiden Forrest.

“Have you ever gone there?” She asked.

“Just once… I went with Draco. We were… he was my boyfreind. But we got cot by dumbledork!”

“You want to go there again, after the concert?”

“Oh… why?” I asked, nervously.

“Um…well, you were saying you don’t get enuf to eat, and I… I go there to hunt for rabbits and foxes. They have delicious blood!!” She replied hastily.

“Oh… fox blood? Well, okay. After the concert. I am kind of hungry” I admitted.

* * *

The concert was AMAZIGN! Joel looked so hot up on the stage. He sang right to me, and I could see in his eyes that he was falling in love with me. I felt meself begreat timesming wet and since I wasn’t wearing any pantys, I could feel my juices running down my leg.

I looked over at Sapphire. She looked really sad, not in a goffick way, but in a really sad way.

“What’s wrong?!” I asked worriedly?

“Nothing… it’s just… the way Joel looks at you… and you… You’re so beautiful!” She sobbed.

“Oh, Sapph! Don’t cry!!” I shouted, “You’re beautiful too! I mean, you have a nice body, and pretty hair…”

“Really?” she sniffed

“Yes!” I snapped! Now start moshing!

We moshed late into the night. We moshed with some cute boys. They were goffs and one of them really was into me and the other one was really into Sapphire. During the intermission, she started talking to them

“Hi, I’m Sapphire and this is my Girlfriend Enoby!!” She exclaimed.

Then the intermissin ended and we moshed with them until the end of the concert. I wanted to go and meet Joel but whenI was walking towards his door I saw Hillary Duff go in!! “OMG! I screamed “I ****ING HATE THAT PREPPY ****!!”

I wanted to kill her but a big preppy bounser showed up and pusht me away.

“Come on!” begged Sapphire,”the Forbidden Forest, remember?”

* * *

Sapphire landed the fluing car in front of the Forbidden Forest and we walked in together. It was a foll moon, so we could see really clearly. Also because we’re both vampires, and vampires have infravision. So we could see really easily.

We caught a couple of foxes and drank their blood. It was hot and sweet, and it made me feel warm and full. The blood ran down the corners of my mouf and down my neck and into my cleavage. It was the same colour as the burgandy ribons o n my dress, and it looked really sexxxy. Then I noticed Sapphire staring hungrily at it.

“Are… you ok?” I asked her, shockedly!

“What… Oh, sorry. It’s… nothing. You were just reminding me of someone.”

“Oh.”

“Um…” sapphire said nervously, “Um, Ebony, can I ask you somefing?

“Sure, ok.”

“Have you ever, you know, done it wif a boy?”

“Yes, of course!” I snapped angrily.

“Oh, sorry.” She mumbled apologetick’ly.

“Why?”

“Well, um…” She looked at me nervously. “I’m going out wif this boy on Friday and I’ve never even kissed a boy before an d I dont know how.”

“Oh, it’s easy.”

“Yeah, but I was wondering if we could… practise?”

“WHAT!!??!!” I exclaimed angrily. “Sapphire, I really like you as a friend and you’re really pretty, but I don’t like girls in… that way!!!”

“Oh… no… I didn’t mean anything like that!” She exclaimed. “I just want to practice… you know, for the boy.”

“Oh… well, I guess it would be okay.”

I put my hand on her cheek and moved towards her. She closed her eyes and I put my lips gently on hers. Suddenly, she opened her mouth and stuck her tongue in my mouth! I tried to pull away, but she pushed me up against a tree!

“Ebony… you’re so beautiful.” She wispered erotick’ly. She held my wrists and licked hungrily at the blood on my breasts. I struggled, but that only made her more pbumionate.

Sapphire pushed hard against me. Then she grabbed my hand and put it down between her legs. I couldn’t believe it! What I felt there! It was a …. a boy thing!!

“OMFG!” I exclaimed. “Draco…?”

“Yes,” he whispered. “It’s me. I couldn’t stay away from you, so after they ex-spelled me, I enroled as sapphire.

He ground against me and I could feel that his thing was really hard. Then we did it, right there in the forest, right against the same tree where wie did it the first time.

* * *

After we were done, I had to ask. “Draco,” I whispered, “you were lying about having a date with a boy on Friday, right?”

Draco looked at me with a satanic twinkle in his eye.

“Right… Draco?”

FIN.

enire

Avatar: enire's Avatar
9

[70 Character Story-
tellers
]

Level 10 Troll

“Pain in the ASCII”

Enoby Posted:

Log in to see images!

This would never have happened if the story theme had been about a circus clown that falls in love with a trapeze artist. Just sayin’.

Sigh…

ATTENTION OP: Are we allowed to troll critique other people’s entries in this contest? Erm, harshly?

enire edited this message on 09/05/2008 5:15PM

I AM The SKA-
BOSS

Avatar: 42627 Wed Oct 15 19:08:31 -0400 2008
10

[70 Character Story-
tellers
]

Level 28 Troll

“Gaping Asshole”

enire Posted:

This would never have happened if the story theme had been about a circus clown that falls in love with a trapeze artist. Just sayin’.

Sigh…

That was the one I actually wanted to change my vote to. XD There was just something magic about it

enire

Avatar: enire's Avatar
9

[70 Character Story-
tellers
]

Level 10 Troll

“Pain in the ASCII”

I AM The SKA BOSS Posted:

That was the one I actually wanted to change my vote to. XD There was just something magic about it

Thanks Log in to see images!

Maybe I’ll write that story someday.

zigzagoon

Avatar: 28782 2011-07-31 12:19:07 -0400
5

Level 20 Permanoob

“Asshat”

enire Posted:

ATTENTION OP: Are we allowed to troll critique other people’s entries in this contest? Erm, harshly?

ok this once i guess, dont derail it too much though Log in to see images! zigzagoon edited this message on 09/05/2008 5:26PM

enire

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9

[70 Character Story-
tellers
]

Level 10 Troll

“Pain in the ASCII”

Sneff Posted:

A++!

zigzagoon

Avatar: 28782 2011-07-31 12:19:07 -0400
5

Level 20 Permanoob

“Asshat”

one day left now i think!

King Krimson

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11

[Snobby McSnobbers-
ons
]

Level 69 Troll

A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!

My story bears a pbuming coincidental resemblance to Sneff’s, but in a story contest about Vampires, Dracula and castles and whatnot are bound to overlap in the entries.

I started writing my story when the contest started, so don’t accuse me of plagerism, or anything.

Oh, and Ebony? Go **** yourself. That is all.

King Krimson edited this message on 09/05/2008 5:49PM

King Krimson

Avatar: King Krimson's Avatar
11

[Snobby McSnobbers-
ons
]

Level 69 Troll

A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!

My village is small, but old. Inevitably, in these places, the odd supernatural tale would pop up. Willow the wisps sighted over the lake, werewolves inhabiting the woods surrounding us, a coven of moth men living in the mountain caves. But, in this village, the most popular tale was that of the Vampire living in the castle on top of the mountain. Eventually, what was once seen as a tall tale became absolute fact in the eyes of my neighbours. Most of the villagers started to fear the castle as if the antichrist himself lived there. I didn’t believe the stories, though I still cannot fathom what possessed me to try to prove them wrong.

It was not easy getting to the castle; every horse driver I spoke too refused to drive me there out of some foolish sense of superstition. Horses, apparently, are useless when confronted with vampires. They’ll just stand there and whinny, or whatnot. In a country with a reputation such as this, it makes me wonder why they don’t just trade the horses in for cars. At the very least, the townsfolk wouldn’t be short of glue for a long time. Eventually, I decided that the best way to reach my destination was to walk up the steep incline leading towards the castle. I would then knock on the gnarled wooden doors, stay the night, owner willing, come back down the slope and tell every one of my night in the perfectly safe, vampire free castle. Well, that was the plan, anyway.

What really happened was I climbed the steep incline and knocked on the door. Things kind of spiralled from there. The door was greeted by a, uh, ‘strangely’ dressed man. By ‘strangely’, I mean that the only thing he was wearing was a pair of nipple rings and some leather trousers, in which he had his thumbs firmly entrenched. “Ah! A villager! Hov simply delightful! To vhat to I owe this unexpected, yet not unvelcome, visit?”

“Are… Are you, um, the head of the house?” I stammered nervously.

“Of course I am, you big silly!” He joyously exclaimed.

“I am Count Vladimir Boris the third. But you can call me Vlad, big boy!”

Then he winked at me.

Vlad invited me inside the castle to dine with him. Not being one to back down, I followed him into the castle, fool that I am. After walking down several oddly dressed hallways, and pbuming numerous disquieting paintings, we arrived at the spacious dining hall. “Of course, as a guest of honour, you vill be seated at the head of the table.” Vlad told me.

He then placed his hand on my shoulder. “And after dinner? Vell, I’m sure we can have some… fun together.” He whispered into my ear.

I was starting to feel more than a little disturbed.

The walls of the hall were flanked by portraits of what I could only bumume were relatives of my bizarre host. In the middle of the room was a large, empty table. Evidently, we were eating alone. “Do not think that my castle is empty, my friend. Far from it. My other guests are… otherwise disposed at the moment. All the more time to get to knov each other, hmm?”

I was seated at the table by a regal looking butler. Vlad, not surprisingly, sat to my side, seriously invading my personal bubble. Then again, Vlad could be a whole room away from you and you’d still feel uncomfortable. He just had that kind of aura. “So.” He said, his foot creeping up my leg. “Vhat brings you to my humble abode?”

“Well, um, the other villigers said that this castle was owned by a vampire. I, ah, I wanted to prove them wrong.”

To say that I was concerned at this point would be a mbumive understatement.

“But vhat is there to prove vrong? I AM a Vampire!”

“Oh.” It was at this point that my fears were realised.

I looked nervously around the room, and decided to stare at the paintings. Maybe my demonic host would think that I was admiring the art. There were three portraits in particular that caught my eye. One was of a crowned figure dressed entirely in red and black, and holding a sword drenched in blood. I didn’t want to think about the symbolism of that one too long. The second was a painting of a pale girl dressed in modern, gothic looking clothes. Her expression wasn’t pleasant, and I got the feeling that the young woman who posed for the portrait held a very high opinion of herself, and would not suffer those who she considered inferior. The third, and by far the largest and most extravagant, was a picture of my host himself. It was a very accurate representation, and I found myself admiring the artwork despite myself. Even the frame was expertly crafted, and laced with what I bumumed to be real gold. The Count clearly didn’t do things in halves.

After a while, the butler came back with several items of foodstuff carried on a trolley. As he pbumed me, apparently to place a roast hog on the table, he whispered something into my ear. “You should leave. It isn’t safe here for your kind.” He told me.

I had already figured as much, but the butlers warning compounded my feelings of dread. I had to escape from the castle as soon as I could. I didn’t know what my host did with his ‘guests of honour’, but I doubted that I would be left alive to tell the tale. And I was fairly certain that it would involve sodomy.

The actual meal went by without further incident. The count made further salacious remarks, and I fervently wished for the meal to end so that I could make good my escape plan. And if I couldn’t leave this place of veiled horrors, at least I would take my captor with me.

Vladimir led me upstairs to the main bedroom, and then locked the door. Feeling that my live would be further endangered if I did nothing, I arrange my fingers into the shape of a cross. “The power of Christ compels you!” I yelled.

The fiend who was facing me scoffed. “Sveetie, please. Do you really believe those old vifes tales? Christ does not care vhat goes on vithin these valls. In fact, you could say he evened sanctioned it! Besides, I am only shoving you room. I vasn’t going to hurt you.”

In my desperation, I grabbed the nearest chair and smashed it upon the ground. Choosing the sharpest shard from the remains of the chair, I plunged it into the foul creatures’ heart. “Vell. Some guest you turned out to be.” The ungodly creature said in a tone of what can only be described as mild annoyance. “Ah, vell. If you really vish to leave, I suppose you’d better. Ve Vouldn’t want you feel uncomfortable now, vould ve?”

The beast then unlocked the door, in a clever display of defeat. It feigned indifference, but I knew that that was just a clever façade. I rushed past him, and ran down the hallways until I came across what I thought to be the exit. Instead, what I found chilled me to my very core. I had found the counts other guests. They were dressed in leather, and were gyrating and writhing to some otherworldly tune. “Hey there! Why don’t you join us?” One of the men yelled out.

“Yeah! It’s always nice to see a new face… and a new body.” Shouted another.

Several of them even whistled at me in a demeaning manner.

I ran from the shocking sight as fast as I could, until I eventually found the true exit. As I rushed from the castle that I knew would forever haunt my nightmares, I heard the voice of the Count yell out these words. “Feel free to visit anytime!”

I know that that voice will forever be etched into my mind. But the most shocking part of my tale is yet to come. As I slowed down to catch my breath, sure that I wasn’t being followed, I noticed a sign. Upon that sign was an arrow pointing towards the castle, and the most dreadful words my eyes had ever seen.

The sign read: “YMCA, THIS WAY!”

King Krimson edited this message on 09/06/2008 1:08PM

zigzagoon

Avatar: 28782 2011-07-31 12:19:07 -0400
5

Level 20 Permanoob

“Asshat”

kewl

hmm i think the time is up, is everyone who wanted to write finished?

i am a little busy at the moment but i’ll make a poll soon, i will accept last minute entrants for the time being

Impenetrable-
Formation

Avatar: Baby Typing
4

Level 27 Permanoob

“Brain Dead”

**** wrong edit

Impenetrable Formation edited this message on 09/06/2008 8:14PM
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