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Civil Discussion
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Contest Funniest joke wins 1 BP (Up to 10 BP)

CoreyJess

Avatar: 2355 2015-02-10 15:56:06 -0500
24

[Brainfreeze]

Level 69 Troll

Pie cannot hide overwhelming naughtiness!

I’m taking the wife and kids north for the weekend, so the final judging will take place Sunday night. Don’t forget there are 2 extra brownie points to award so get those jokes in. I look forward to reading them Sunday.

undeed

Avatar: harblgar
4

Level 21 Troll

“Li'l Hellraiser”

Lessons in manegment:

Lesson Number One

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”

The crow answered: “Sure, why not.”

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Number Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”

“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with Nutrients.”

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the Tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a hunter who shot him from the tree.

Management Lesson

Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Lesson Number Three

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, “I should be Boss because I control the whole body’s responses and functions.”

The feet said, “We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.”

The hands said, “We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money.”

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the bumhole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the bumhole being the Boss.

So the bumhole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.

Eventually they all decided that the bumhole should be the Boss, so the motion was pbumed.

All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and pbumed out the sh*t!

Management Lesson

You don’t need brains to be a Boss – any bumhole will do.

Lesson Number Four

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and

happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A pbuming cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management Lesson

1) Not everyone who drops sh*t on you is your enemy.

2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.

3) And when you’re in deep sh*t, keep your mouth shut!

InaneAnomaly

Avatar: InaneAnomaly's Avatar
2

Level 22 Troll

“Dick in a Box”

Nighson Posted:

heath ledger played The Joker in the latest Batman movie, but he died before the movie was released, so that’s why joker wont be back, because he’s dead

Oh, see, now I feel kinda stupid as I bumumed I would.

However I guess I didn’t think it was just pertaining to the latest film, lol. Batman is a wide…batman.

Nocturnal_He-
artache

Avatar: Emo Girl

[SRSLY]

Level 61 Emo Kid

“Final Cut Pro”

This guy had just moved into his new apartment. When he was down checking the mail he ran into a gorgeous girl who immediately strikes up a conversation with him. She was wearing a robe, and he noticed she had nothing on underneath.

After a while, she stops and says, “Hey, I think I hear someone coming. Why don’t we talk up in my room.” He diligently follows her, and as soon as he steps into the room she shuts the door, strips off her robe, and says, “Tell me, what is my best feature?” The man stares dumbfounded, then shyly mumbles, “your ears.”

“My ears?” she asked, obviously upset, “You look at this perfect body and you say my ears? Why?”

He looks away and replies, “Because when you said you heard someone coming, it was me.”

Heartless

Avatar: Schoolgirl Uniform

[Gunther and the Su-
nshine Girls fancl-
ub
]

Level 10 Camwhore

“Leave it to Cleavage”

I know this is almost over, but I had to share this for you and your Wife… It’s from my Mother, with love.

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their bumes,

and the results were pretty interesting:

30% of women think their bum is too fat….........

10% of women think their bum is too skinny…...

The remaining 60% say they don’t care, they love him, he’s a good man, and they wouldn’t trade him for the world.

Heartless edited this message on 08/30/2008 2:11PM

numbers13773-
45

Avatar: Schoolgirl Uniform
2

[70 Character Story-
tellers
]

Level 10 Camwhore

“Leave it to Cleavage”

Moses, Jesus, and an old man are playing golf. Moses goes first and hits his ball straight into the water hazard. “No problem,” he says. He rolls up his sleeves, parts the water, walks to the ball, chips it onto the green and gets a birdie. Jesus goes next and his ball lands in the water hazard, too. “No big deal, he says. He steps onto the pond, walking accross the water to find the ball resting on a lilly pad. He swings his club and manages to get an eagle. The old man goes last, and also hits the ball into the water trap. Moses and Jesus chuckle a little, then the old man puts up his hand and says quietly, “Wait for it.” Ten seconds later, a screaming hawk dives toward the water hazard, skimming its surface, and pulls up a fish. As it flies off, the fish coughs up the man’s golf ball, which ricochets off of a nearby tree and rolls into the hole. “That’s a hole in one,” says the old man. Jesus leans over to Moses and whispers, “I hate playing golf with my dad…”

Jubbles

Avatar: 24099 2011-10-31 20:24:56 -0400
100

[Brainfreeze]

Level 69 Camwhore

I went almost four years without a custom title and all I got was this custom title. Also, male reproductive organs.

Back from around 1992 or so:

“Recently I saw that the U.S. Olympic team was sponsored by La-Z-Boy, Budweiser, and some medicine to keep you from getting the runs… keep you from running sponsors the Olympics? And then this is shown on television all over the world so that the whole world thinks America is nothing but a bunch of lazy-bum drunks trying to keep our **** together.” — Gallagher, We Need a Hero

Big Brother

Avatar: 45759 Fri Oct 17 23:44:23 -0400 2008

Level 66 Troll

woman's genitals

What do you get when you combine an agnostic, an insomniac, and a dyslexic?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

CoreyJess

Avatar: 2355 2015-02-10 15:56:06 -0500
24

[Brainfreeze]

Level 69 Troll

Pie cannot hide overwhelming naughtiness!

Bump in the hopes we get 2 more funny submissions, so we can end this thing tonight!

FAIL

Avatar: 36735 2015-06-13 23:04:37 -0400
6

[Full of SbumSS]

Level 25 Re-Re

Head of the Ministry of Man bumes

There are two muffins in an oven. One muffin says “Oh my gosh it’s hot in here!” The other says “OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN”

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

CoreyJess

Avatar: 2355 2015-02-10 15:56:06 -0500
24

[Brainfreeze]

Level 69 Troll

Pie cannot hide overwhelming naughtiness!

undeed Posted:

Lessons in manegment:

Lesson Number One

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”

The crow answered: “Sure, why not.”

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Number Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”

“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with Nutrients.”

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the Tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a hunter who shot him from the tree.

Management Lesson

Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Lesson Number Three

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, “I should be Boss because I control the whole body’s responses and functions.”

The feet said, “We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.”

The hands said, “We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money.”

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the bumhole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the bumhole being the Boss.

So the bumhole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.

Eventually they all decided that the bumhole should be the Boss, so the motion was pbumed.

All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and pbumed out the sh*t!

Management Lesson

You don’t need brains to be a Boss – any bumhole will do.

Lesson Number Four

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and

happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A pbuming cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management Lesson

1) Not everyone who drops sh*t on you is your enemy.

2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.

3) And when you’re in deep sh*t, keep your mouth shut!

There’s one extra credit BP!

CoreyJess

Avatar: 2355 2015-02-10 15:56:06 -0500
24

[Brainfreeze]

Level 69 Troll

Pie cannot hide overwhelming naughtiness!

Nocturnal_Heartache Posted:

This guy had just moved into his new apartment. When he was down checking the mail he ran into a gorgeous girl who immediately strikes up a conversation with him. She was wearing a robe, and he noticed she had nothing on underneath.

After a while, she stops and says, “Hey, I think I hear someone coming. Why don’t we talk up in my room.” He diligently follows her, and as soon as he steps into the room she shuts the door, strips off her robe, and says, “Tell me, what is my best feature?” The man stares dumbfounded, then shyly mumbles, “your ears.”

“My ears?” she asked, obviously upset, “You look at this perfect body and you say my ears? Why?”

He looks away and replies, “Because when you said you heard someone coming, it was me.”

There’s the last winner! Thanks everyone who entered, we’ve got some great jokes here!

Catt although

MODERATOR
Avatar: 46806 2013-08-07 00:24:18 -0400
115

[Brainfreeze]

Level 69 Troll

Last Catt Standing

Maybe I’ll resurrect some FoW threads so that it looks like something is happening here.

Kittygurl1357

Avatar: Blonde Girl
22

Level 41 Camwhore

“Lingeriepist”

You brought me here….

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