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Firstly, I hate you all.
Secondly, I’ve fixed it.
(You’d think Paypal would send you an email if your certificate expires!)(view post)
I’d like to thank my male reproductive organ for this victory.
Do you know what it feels like to sit around a board room with a bunch of white folk, knowing that I have the biggest male reproductive organ in the room? It feels ****ing awesome.
Some of my harshest critics pointed out that one of my election promises wasn’t quite clear. I said I’d tax the richest active accounts by 25% and give it to the poorest accounts.
But who are the richest active accounts? Also, who are the poorest active accounts?
Frankly, I’m amazed you elected someone with such an unclear and obviously unthoughtful policy.
Here’s how it worked out:
– I have taxed the top 50 active players with the most flezz by 25%
– I have given it to the top 2 active players with the smallest balance. That is currently me and my opponent, John McCain, since we have a balances of 0 and are currently the most active players with no flezz.
Additionally, I have arranged for everyone who voted for me to get an E-Peen™! Congrats!
Finally, job points on the job board are double what they normally are until tomorrow at 12:30PM EST.
Thanks again, and welcome to your new era of Socialism!(view post)
I’m black. Seriously. Look at my skin. It’s not white like my opponent: it’s black.
Did you know that black people have slightly longer male reproductive organes on average than white people? Look it up on Wikipedia and be amazed. We’re talking an extra 1/4” on average. My speech writer said it’s inappropriate to talk about my male reproductive organ in a campaign speech: but then I showed him my extra 1/4” and he ran away crying.
Another thing to consider is that black people don’t get sunburned. That means no skin cancer. Did you know my opponent had skin cancer once? He did. When it comes back to kill him (and it necessarily will), he will be leaving a seal clubbing hockey mom to run the white house. She’s hot enough for my extra quarter incher, but not to run this country.
But enough rhetoric, here are my official campaign promises:
If I win:
– Every active user on Forumwarz will receive a bonus of 4 Forum Visits.
– Since I am a socialist, I will tax the richest active Forumwarz accounts by 25% and spread it amongst the poorest active accounts.
– Jobs will give double the points for the 24 hours following my win.
Bonus 1: If I also win the US Election:
– I will give out free access to Episode 2 to 10 random accounts who voted for me.
Bonus 2: If I also get more friend requests than McCain:
– I will give a new E-Peen™ to those who voted for me.(view post)